Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Growing pains

I haven't had a broken heart since we miscarried before we got pg with Noah. And it stinks.

This has been happening a little bit at a time and then yesterday it all fell and broke. My sweet little Noah, age 7 doesn't need me like he once did. He was riding his bike and fell. Of course, I ran to him and wanted to see if he was okay. Don't get me wrong I wasn't being crazy. But his response was like an arrow straight into my heart. He wanted me to go away. My brain couldn't even comprehend. Maybe he hit his head and didn't know what he was talking about. 

But he did know what he was saying and he was really adamant about it. 

Thankfully, Todd was outside as well so he went over to him and I bowed out and went inside. I did shed a few tears, okay a lot of tears. I wondered what I had done wrong. Did I do something that made Noah not feel safe with me? Then my mind went into overdrive. I thought about the past year and all of the times he didn't need or want me.

 Of course I want him to grow and prosper, but I wasn't ready. It came so fast and hit me hard. I think the hardest part is that he still lets Todd help him with things. I guess we are never really ready for the changes that happen in our lives. 

After lots of prayer and chatting with a friend I was finally able to see that my baby is just growing up and now I know why they call it growing pains. It isn't for the kiddos, it is for the parents. 

Now I am off to nurture the heck out of Mason!!! He still lets me :) And I am going to soak every in every little second that Noah still does.

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