Thursday, April 24, 2014

Self?

"To thine own self be true" from Hamlet by Shakespeare

Yeah I had to look it up....who wrote it? I have heard the phrase before and it has really been my theme song lately. I wasn't even aware of it until now. But how do you be true to yourself if you aren't even sure who you are?

I will have to admit that most days I am just trying to make sure two sweet little boys make it through the day healthy, loved, fed, and not psychologically scarred!! Yes the counselor in me worries about that. I guess we all do as parents. We all have moments of oh crap did I say that right, is he going to be scarred for life now? Atleast I know I do.

So I guess if you asked me who I was my first thought would be MOMMA. That is my main role I do everyday 7 days a week, 365 days a year. And right now with an almost 11 month old that is into everything from the dogfood to chalk and a three year old going on 13 I am in survival mode a lot of the time.

I hate to say that my second identifier would be wife. Although I probably haven't been the best wife lately. And I could go on to say Christian. I am sad to say it hits the list at number 3 instead of number 1.

Christian to me is so much more than oh I go to church (which by the way I don't always make it to...okay lets be really honest...it's been a while...I don't go more than I go). It means that I have a relationship with God, Jesus, My sweet Lord.

Although that relationship is a bit rocky right now. Wow, who knew that one phrase about self could be dissected so much?? Yeah this is pretty much how I think, and it can be overwhelming ALL of the time. In counseling classes the professors teach you to analyze. Each detail tells a story about someone. Well once you've mastered it they did not warn me that it would spill over into my entire life or way of seeing the world. I guess it was my nature to begin with and then I worked a lot at it and now it is me.

So my next explanation of self would be----analytical!! But mix that with tender hearted. I hate saying over emotional.

So here I am a worrying/surviving momma, half arse wife, non going to church christian, and an analytical tender hearted person! Wow, I sound fun!!

To this I must be true??

Maybe I have it wrong? Maybe I am not defined by just now, this moment, this snapshot in my life. Maybe just maybe there is more to me..to self!

I sure hope so...gotta go and pray about it!



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