Sunday, January 12, 2014

The days are long but the years are short!

My life is chaotic, my life is full, my life is ME!

A few days ago I woke up with my husband hurrying around getting Noah's school stuff together! He had gotten up earlier than usual just to make sure I could get Noah to school. He rocks really!! He had just worked a 3-10 shift, then a 8-10 shift (yep 14 hrs), then about to work another 8-3 shift!!

He came in our room and lovingly told me to wake up. Even though I was trying to wake up after hearing him get ready. I was trying but Mason got up to eat lastnight around 2, and I was up the night before til 11:30 waiting on Todd to get home.

SIDE NOTE: bedtime without Todd is as follows, get boys a bath (not all nights), get their pjs on, get Noah a snack and get him set up on the couch with a pillow and a blanket, let the dog out, get a movie on for Noah, either play with Mason in the floor or feed him and rock him to sleep. Then hold Mason while Noah asks for more cha cha's and milk (its amazing what I can do while holding a sleeping 20lb baby). Then after Noah declares for the 100th time that he is NEVER going to sleep he finally drifts off around 9 or 9:30.

So to say I wasn't ready to get up was an understatement! I grabbed the now awake Mason and got up, looked in the mirror and there I was....in the same clothes I had been in since um Wednesday (it was Friday) and my hair had now formed into some new artwork. I had dried drool from Mason all over me and wasn't smelling real fancy at the moment. I knew I had to take a shower! But the current time said NOPE not a chance!

SO when Noah cried to stay home with Mommy, I caved b/c I could not fathom taking Noah (and Mason in toe) into the school (while it was raining) looking like a member of one direction!!!

By 8 I knew I had to take a shower!! I was driving myself nuts! So I coaxed Noah into playing in our bedroom and put Mason in the jumpy thingie! As I showered I heard screams of Mason and then Noah coming in to tell me that he needed a pillow. I washed as fast as I could. Certainly a normal kinda thing, not sure if I conditioned at all.

Got out to find Noah had placed a pillow to block this thing on top of the jumpy thing so that Mason wouldn't hit his head. Sweet brother!! But at this point Mason was done and I had a soaking head of hair and raced to find undergarments and clothes. But considering I have gained wt since having Mason there were no clothes to fit. Sweats it is!!!

I knew with Mason fussing that drying my hair wasn't an option so I pulled some back and didn't take another look in the mirror. It was taunting me!

I decided to load up this crazy crew and head to my parents. I needed a little sanity b/c I felt like I was already two steps behind and it wasn't even 10 am. I packed and packed and dressed the kiddos. By this point I needed another shower, but we were ready. I put Charlie in his crate and headed out!!! WHEW I did it!!!

We stayed at my parents for the day. Noah played with markers and stickers. He refused to nap (as usual). Mason ate and napped and played. It was chill. But I still needed more of a break. We had recently decided to adopt a dog and most ppl kept telling us that we really did not need a dog. I guess they were just considering that Mason has been through a rough 7 mos. Either severe teething, earaches, being sick, being a newborn, alllll of it! SO that resulted in me pretty much having to hold him ALOT!! Then add a 3 year old that could be the best lawyer in the south!!! And you have a momma and daddy that are spent!!!

Yes the last thing we needed was a dog, but internally I told myself I was not a good momma, shouldn't have a dog, or another child, and just wasn't doing a good job. I am the hardest on myself!!! I left the boys with my parents to drive to town to get dinner and I had a panic attack. Seriously thought I was having a heart attack. I called Todd and I am not even sure what all I said. I was freaking out and all he could do was be at work!!

After freaking out and then finally calming down I decided that my family is not the perfect family. And that is OK!! Yes my laundry is on the dining room table, my son doesn't nap, Mason sleeps in the bed with me, we have a new dog, my jeans don't fit, I never cook, I never get to wear makeup, and half of the playroom toys are in the foyer and dining room and living room.....

BUT

It has to be ok with me!! I cannot fit into any other mold. I am who I am!!! I procrastinate, I love naps, I would rather get sleep than clean the house, I love my boys sleeping near me, I love this new dog, Charlie makes me less stressed, I am never put together, I don't iron, I don't cook much or ever, I would love to workout but would rather sleep, I eat when I am upset, I am me!!

And yes one day I will have time and energy to work out I know that from having Noah. One day the boys will sleep all night hopefully together in their room. One day they will eat me out of house and home and I can't wait to cook then!! One day Charlie will be the boy's best friend. They will have tons of memories of him in their lives!!

This is my way of saying I am waving my imperfection flag and I am proud of it! This post is for me!!


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