Thursday, October 25, 2012

God is Listening!!!!!

It has been a crazy couple of weeks!! As y'all know we had our bloodwork done (aka beta) and were excited when we found out we were pregnant and our beta was 120. Then at our second beta our numbers didn't double and were 168. The doctor was worried, but said that maybe both embryos had implanted and one was not making it so she ordered another bloodtest. The third one came back and my heart broke. It didn't double, and was 271.

We prepared for a miscarriage. The doctor even told us that we needed to be ready for a miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy. We were so sad and devastated. The doctor ordered another beta to see if my numbers were going down. Well, they didn't! And they didn't just go up, THEY DOUBLED!! To 818, from 271!! Now my doctor thought for sure we were dealing with an ectopic pregnancy. This terrified me! To think I would have to chose to abort my baby all b/c it was in my fallopian tubes! It just didn't seem right and I was praying like crazy that we wouldn't have to make that decision.

 So she ordered yet another beta! And wouldn't you know it more than doubled again! To 1702!!! They were VERY pessimistic and told me not to get my hopes up, but to wait for an ultrasound!! We had an ultrasound done that day and there was a sweet little precious miracle in my uterus, NOT in the my fallopian tubes! And the babe was measuring on time, 5 weeks and 3 days!! The entire doctor's appointment was so scary! I went alone b/c Todd had to work and that is just how I have to deal with things, either with Todd or alone. The doctor was not hopeful at all and even after the ultrasound she talked to me about a DNC! Yeah, I kept thinking is there something she is not telling me...didn't I just see a baby?? I was so confused and so numb! I had no idea what was going on! Here is our first ultrasound!

My next beta was ordered and praise the Lord it doubled again to 3464!! This was amazing news and was starting to give me more and more hope! The next big step was the next ultrasound. They were hoping to see a heartbeat.

We went in today and had our second ultrasound and were able to see the heart beating at 119 BPM. Todd was elated and I was in shock!! I had fully prepared myself for the worst. Plus, even after Noah, we still had no idea what we were looking at on the ultrasound. Here's the second ultrasound picture!

 I feel so bad for not updating everyone on all of this news until now!! We just didn't know what was going to happen and really thought it was over. Plus the doctors were not giving us any hope to stand on at each visit. They are still concerned b/c of my early beta numbers. But for now we are joyful and very thankful for this miracle from God! Thank y'all for all of the prayers and please continue to send them up! We feel all of the prayers and I know that God is listening.

I go back next week for another ultrasound!! Praying things continue to look up!!!


Saturday, October 13, 2012

Sad Update!!!!

I went to get my second beta done today and the doctor called with bad news. My original beta was 120 and this one was 168. Which means I am possibly having a miscarriage. There is a slim chance that both embryos implanted and now only one remains and that is the reason for the numbers not doubling!

However, when the doctor called back the second time (I was crying too much the first time), she said this was more than likely an unsuccessful pregnancy! Those words are just horrible!!!I am not sure what to think right now, I just know my heart feels like it was cut into tiny pieces.

I am asking for prayers! Prayer that I am in that small chance and we still have the blessing of being parents once again! I go back Monday morning for more bloodwork. This beta will let us know for sure what is going on with the babies.

My brother sent the me the serenity prayer via text and I am trying to pray it! It is just so hard to even pray without crying and getting mad. :(


Thursday, October 11, 2012




 Praise the Lord!!!!

Dr. H called me around 2 pm and confirmed the great news. Beta is 120. With Noah it was 211 at this point. It was neat that my doctor wanted to be the one to tell me! She is really awesome!! Of course I tested earlier and knew I was pregnant, but you just never know. With our 2nd transfer we were pg and even had doubled betas, but then the ultrasound revealed a miscarriage. I plan on being JOYFUL until there is a reason not to!! 

I am currently waiting on my nurse to call with my progesterone and estrogen levels. That will determine if my prog shot needs to be adjusted. BTW that shot was easy at first and now my hips are aching like crazy!! But they are so worth it and I will do it as long as necessary. My nurse will also set up another beta to see if my numbers are doubling and then from there they will set up an ultrasound. 

Keep us in your prayers! And praise the Lord for these babies!!!!

We are sooo excited, cautious, but super excited!!!!!!!!


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

God's grace

From the beginning of this journey I have prayed for God's mercy and grace. My heart specifically asked that Todd and I wouldn't have to go through transfer after transfer if in deed the answer was that we were not suppose to have another child(ren).

This morning the embryologist called and there were no embryos at the stage to freeze. Which means none of the embryos made it to that stage. With embryos they want them to be at a certain stage so that they will last the freeze and the thawing process. Apparently with our first IVF cycle we were blessed to have 3 embryos to freeze. Normally, under 50% get to freeze embryos (at our clinic).

Right now we literally have all of our chips on the table and we have no idea what is going to happen. It amazes me how different each IVF can be, even with the same person. I am not sure how to describe what I am feeling right now. It's like I have this deep pain inside of me, but I can't let it out just yet.

The embryologist said that since the remaining 6 embryos did not make it then that just made them more confident about the ones they picked to transfer. But you know you could look at it on the other side as well and think well if those didn't make it...then how will these make it. There are so many questions that do not have answers.

I know for a fact that God has a plan!! I know that His plan is the best. I also know what my heart desires and I am just not sure if God's plan and my heart's desires are one in the same. I know that whatever happens we will be okay. We are so blessed to have Noah!!!!! We started this saying that if it doesn't happen then it doesn't and we will just spoil Noah rotten (like we don't anyway).

I'm just having a sad moment right now! A deep heart hurting moment. I prayed for my babies this morning. I know lots of people argue over when life begins, well I believe it begins the minute the egg and sperm meet. So I know that my babies are with Jesus right now and I know He is taking great care of them!! I will see them on day and I just want them to know they were so wanted and so loved!!!

I have an appointment on Oct. 11 to see if I am pregnant. They will test my blood and do a beta test. Based on those numbers they will probably do another test if it is positive to see if the numbers are doubling! Nothing is guaranteed, with our first IVF, we had great betas and then at the ultrasound the baby had stopped growing. So we have alot of steps ahead of us!

Please take away from this that every life is so precious and important! It is truly a miracle to have a child!!!