Friday, September 7, 2012

Perspective

I have to say that with all of the IVF stuff I have been a bit self absorbed. I hate to even say that word b/c it sounds so harsh like I am not paying attention to anyone but me. I just feel like b/c of my vast amount of symptoms these days all I can think about is how I am feeling.

One major thing has been lack of motivation!! I would say depression, but I'm not really sad, just SUPER lazy!! Laundry piles up, doesn't bother me. I seriously don't even want to touch it. This has been frustrating b/c well my house is a wreck!!! And y'all know that can make you grumpy! Plus, I really want to get all of that done since I am a stay at home mom and such.

I have tons of excuses and I am just giving myself a get out of jail free card these days. Todd has been super supportive. I mean he is a champ!!! He sees my frustration and helps me out soooo much!! I honestly don't know how I deserve him!!!!

My patience is limited so I save it for Noah. I want to be the best momma I can be to him. That is why if I have to chose over laundry or playing with Noah right now I am picking playing with Noah. Let me break it down for y'all. Imagine yourself on your moodiest day then amplify that by 100 that is how I feel all day long. Like I am fighting THE HULK from breaking out! Then add hotflashes, crying spells, headaches, fatigue, and bloating to the mix. That is me summed up! Oh and the added bonus is gaining weight! Stinkin' BCPs. I have gained 5 lbs!!!!! I know I'm all complain complain complain, so let me get to some praising!!

The first praise I have is that Noah is healthy!!! I took him to the doctor the other day b/c he kept complaining about his mouth hurting. This child would NOT let me take a peep and since he just had hand foot mouth disease/fifths disease (whatever it is called these days) I didn't want him to have that again and go untreated. Neways, he has alot of blisters in his mouth and the doctor wanted to send him to get bloodwork done to check his blood count. The doctor told me he didn't think it was anything to worry about, but he was being extra cautious. I was okay until we went into the hospital. I could feel the worry and tears creeping up. Then the person I had to give all Noah's info to looked just like one of my friends, which made me feel comforted. She even had a saying on her computer about Jesus. I calmed down. Then I realized that my 2 year old was about to get blood drawn and I could not imagine that even happening. This is a child that I have to literally lay on top of so the doctor can look in his ears and mouth!!

And of course the first attempt they could not get a vein! Noah was screaming and sweating and I was trying to hold it together while holding my sweet boy down. I felt horrible!! We gave him a break and tried again. This time it took me and four other nurses to hold him down! He is strong!!! Praise the Lord they got the vein and soon it was all over. Of course afterwards he only wanted GiGi (my mom) to hold him. I was now the bad guy :( We went for icecream and he wouldn't get out of the car. I'm sure he thought they aren't going to get me again! If they say I am getting icecream they can bring it to me. Smart boy :)

The lab results came back and he was fine! Praise the Lord again. This made me realize just how blessed I am! I imagined having to do that more or even worse like surgery and my heart just aches for anyone that has a child that goes through any of that.

I almost felt silly for even dreading my shots each day! I kept saying I would take a million shots for Noah not to have to get any!! So now each evening at 6 you will find me doing my shot and not stressing so much about it!! It is amazing how God puts things into perspective for us!!

We are so psyched to get to see some friends this weekend and spend some much needed quality time with them! I can't wait to post pics and blog about it all!! Hope y'all have a great weekend!

Oh and here's to only two more days of BCPs!! WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!


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