Monday, September 3, 2012

BCPs go away!!!

  • Hot flashes
  • Constant headaches
  • Insomnia
  • Exhaustion
  • Bloating
  • Cramping
  • Lower backaches
  • Sadness
Those are just a few of the symptoms I am having from my BCPs. Which makes me nervous that tomorrow I am adding my first injections to the process. I really feel sorry for Todd b/c I my emotions are crazy up and down. I remember now why I hate BCPs!!! We don't mix well!!

I'm also a bit overwhelmed b/c I called my nurse and she said that my doctor may or may not be the one that does the egg retrieval and embryo transfer. She said that all of their doctors are very qualified! That is just not gonna roll with me!!! I do not like being juggled around to different doctors and having to explain my case with each one each time. That is not fair to me! It's not like I'm going in for a routine physical! This is serious stuff!! I have to admit that these hormones are definitely fueling this, but I am glad b/c I need to be open to my doctors about what I want. I will make that call tomorrow!!

To say I am ready to stop these BCPs is an understatement. I am actually looking forward to injections b/c that means that I only have 6 more days of BCPs.

My emotions in general right now change constantly! I try to have peace and go with the flow, but then I start thinking about this process and I feel like a two year old pitching a tantrum saying...I don't wanna do this! I don't wanna give myself shots, feel like crap all of the time. I feel guilty as a mom for not being 100% for Noah. I'm still mad at my body for not working right. I'm mad at my body for betraying me!

I am sad that I will not get the chance to come up with a neat idea to surprise Todd about a pregnancy. Or to be able to tell our parents in a sweet way!! I have to give myself time to grieve that, it is a loss. I know I need to give all of this to God! And trust me I am trying. And God has given me several words to have peace. Praying I can do that!!

I am thinking of doing a VLOG (video blog) of the shot tomorrow. Mainly show the process of getting the medicine drawn up and etc. I know it will get more complicated with the STIMS b/c you have to mix them first with one needle or use a Q-cap and then switch it out with another needle. I want to be CRYSTAL clear on how this process goes for me. I really do pray and hope that somehow this will help atleast one person in some way. I think we are way too silent when it comes to infertility! Like it is this big secret and no one should speak of it. Well lookout cause I do and will continue doing so!!!


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