Sunday, September 30, 2012

3 Day Transfer

We did the transfer and I am as shocked as y'all that this has gone by so fast! We woke up Saturday bright and early and headed to the doctor. I swear I was thinking they were going to call and say go home and come back on Tuesday. But they didn't. :)

I had to drink 64 oz of water before we arrived and then when I got there I drank 40 more ounces!!! I was floating around, HA! We had to get in our gear for the transfer! Which for me was a beautiful gown that buttoned in the back and for Todd a matching top and bottom get up!! Oh and our hats!! Love, HAHA!
Aren't we cute?

Then we headed back and saw our precious miracle babies!! 
They are wonderfully made by God!!!

The transfer went really smooth! My RE rocks!! The whole staff is awesome!! I got hugs from all of them, even the embryologist!! As soon as the doc showed us on the screen where the embryos were in my uterus I started crying like a baby!! I didn't think I would lose it like that, but I did and it felt great!! 

They had me hang out for a little while and then we headed home, well after getting lunch (pf changs), and picking up Noah!

Todd was off of work so I was able to just relax and watch my boys play and laugh! Here's me resting, haha!! 

Today I am at home resting some more! More so for peace of mind. The doctor just told me to take it easy yesterday. Noah is at the g-parents today and then Todd is picking him up after work. I am so blessed to have such an awesome hubby!!!!!

I have to say this time around has been different. After my last transfers I was constantly thinking about what would happen if... This time I find myself at peace and just ready for whatever God has in store for us. I am not saying that if this time doesn't work that I won't be sad. I will just have more peace about the answer! I still pray for God's grace and mercy in this journey and pray that if His answer is no that it would be done sooner rather than later! Please remember us in your prayers! Now we just wait! I will know more about how many embryos will be frozen this week. On Saturday we had 6!!!

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Friday, September 28, 2012

Zoo and Beach

Todd has taken Noah to his parent's house to spend the night. We still are not sure if we will have the transfer bright and early tomorrow or not. The embryologist will call us when we are on our way up there. So my goals today are to do some blogging (with pictures) and clean the house. I am going to take my time and clean and rest and clean and rest and etc.

A few weeks ago we went to a local little zoo. I believe it is a place for injured animals, not really sure. It was super cute and Noah loved it! Plus, it was a nice day and we enjoyed all the walking around!














Finally edited some pics from vacation! 



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Thursday, September 27, 2012

ER is done!!!

Egg retrieval is DONE!It is amazing how nervous I get doing things the second time around. I was super nervous, but everything went so smoothly. The doctor retrieved 18 eggs and we were stunned at the number. With Noah's IVF cycle they retrieved 14 eggs. After the surgery I woke up feeling pretty good. Todd and I started the drive home (1hr 20 minutes with no traffic) and stopped to grab a bite to eat. I ate slow and tried not to eat too much b/c I didn't want to get sick.

Then we had to stop again for some extra strength tylenol and baby aspirin. I can only take tylenol for pain and I started more meds today per my RE (reproductive endrocrinologist).

The rest of the way home I started feeling sick and I my head started hurting really bad. I just wanted to get home. At home I was able to rest and Todd was off to work. My momma came over and stayed with me (spoiled me) the rest of the day :)

This morning we got the call from the embryologist and out of 18 eggs 12 fertilized. Just to compare with Noah's IVF cycle out of 14 eggs 12 fertilized, then we got down to 10 the next day and finally ended up with 5 embryos. We are scheduled to go in on Saturday morning for a 3 day transfer, unless the embryologist calls us and tells us to wait to do a 5 day transfer on Monday. It just depends on how well the embryos are growing and dividing.

The RE has me taking estrace, medrol, baby aspirin, and I start my progesterone in oil shots tonight. WOOHOO! HA!!!

So no more news til Saturday! Thank y'all for all of the prayers and love! I feel soo blessed!! So everyone cross your fingers, toes, and eyes for us :) But most importantly pray!!!

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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Egg Retrieval is Tomorrow!!!!!!

I have driven to and from my RE's office so much that I can't even remember what day it is. I had another ultrasound and bloodwork appt. yesterday and impatiently waited on the phone call as to when the egg retrieval was going to be. It was timely sensitive information b/c if we weren't then I needed more medicine and not many local pharmacies carry Gonal F!! It was after 4 pm and I was panicked!! I had no idea what I was going to do.

 Thankfully, the nurse called and told me the good news. She said I was to do my trigger shot last night. This gets your eggs ready for egg retrieval. I gave myself the shot at 9 pm. Then I had to get back up this morning for another appointment. This morning was my pre-op appt. where they took more blood (not sure if I have any left) and went over the egg retrieval process, when to start new medications, and the up in the air transfer day. The transfer day can be on day 3 or day 5. You won't know until that morning when the embryologist examines the embryos and their rate of growth. So basically this Saturday we have an appt. for the transfer, but we could get the call half way there and they say to hold off til Monday b/c the embryos are dividing well. We hope for that b/c I think it increases your chances of getting pregnant.

The egg retrieval is pretty crazy. They put me to sleep and insert a needle into my cervix then somehow get to my ovaries and extract the follicles (eggs). I try not to pay too much attention to those details because OUCH that just hurts thinking about it.

I am so thankful to get to this point and pray that we are indeed blessed with another sweet baby!! My stomach is full of bruises from all of my shots. I am sure when it is all over with I will count all the shots up for my record :) And both of my arms are so sore from giving blood everyday. It is amazing what you will go through for a child that you don't even know you may be blessed with! For the desire of your heart!!

Please send up some prayers for us!! I will try and let y'all know how many eggs they retrieved and the number of embryos that come from that. I am not sure how drowsy I will be tomorrow so it may be a few days before I post!!

It's TIME!!! AHHHHH!!!!


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Sunday, September 23, 2012

Quick update

I know I promised pictures, but everytime I try to upload them they never upload :( Hopefully, I can fix that soon!!

I have gone to the RE several times for ultrasounds and bloodwork. My right ovary seems to be producing tons of follicles and my left ovary is a bit slower. The doctor said this is normal. I have been having migraines and nausea. I am so thankful for all of my family that has stepped in and helped me out with Noah. I have said it before, it takes a village to raise a child! So true! I am so grateful for all of the help. I hate not feeling well and being stuck in bed with my head pounding so hard that I just want relief.

I go back to the RE in the morning for another bloodwork and ultrasound. They will let me know if I will come back on Tuesday morning again or if I will be ready for the egg retrieval. They guestimate Wednesday being the BIG day!!

I am so ready to be done with my shots!!! My stomach is bruised all over and my ovaries feel like grapefruits. I am bloated and just plain exhausted all of the time. Doing IVF is sooo hard and I had forgotten how tough it was! I am asking for lots of prayers! Prayers for God's plan to come through!! Prayers for my symptoms to go away and for the egg retrieval and transfer to go smoothly. And if it is God's will for us to be blessed with another child.

I will let y'all know the specific dates when I know them!  It is crazy b/c I could go Monday and they say we cannot go forward. You never know. At my Saturday appt. they thought they saw a big cyst on my left ovary, (it wasn't, just two large follicles side by side). If that would have been a cyst this cycle would have been over.

So prayers for all of this to keep going!!
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Sunday, September 16, 2012

STIM shots vlog

I was able to video the STIM shots today! Two videos b/c apparently it takes me forever to do three shots! I could never be a nurse, or if I was I would be a very slow one :)


video
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Saturday, September 15, 2012

STIMS begin!

I started my STIM meds tonight. To say that I was anxious is an understatement. I got out all of my new meds early so I could remember how to mix them, which needles to use to draw them up, and which needles to use to inject them. All at once I couldn't seem to calm down and understand what I was reading. I started to panic. I called my doctor's office and got the answering service. They took my info and a nurse called me back in just a few minutes.

Just talking to her made me ease up a bit!! I was ready!!! Let me break it down for you! In order to prep one medicine I had one syringe of liquid that had to be added to the powder medication. I opened both and injected the liquid into the vile and swirled it around so that the medicine was mixed properly. Then I had to draw the medicine up with another syringe/needle.

Whew, one down...two more to go. To prep the next medicine I had to take this enormous syringe with an enormous needle out. Thank goodness I could unscrew this needle, discard it, and add a Q-cap. The Q-cap allowed me to once again draw up a certain amount of liquid and then insert the liquid into the vile of powder medicine. I swirled it again to make sure it was mixed properly then had to draw up the proper dose and remove the Q-cap and replace it with the proper sized needle for injection.

Second one down!!! WHEW!! The Lupron dose was a breeze! I have been doing it for a while now. Except tonight I had to lower my dose.

I had all three shots ready to go and I also had Noah running circles around me chasing Maggie with a feather duster in his hand! I rubbed alcohol on my right side and tried to send Noah and Maggie somewhere else so I could do my injections. I could just see myself starting a shot and then being tripped up by them running around me and that terrified me. Thankfully, Noah and Maggie disappeared long enough for me to do my three, yes THREE shots!

Two of them were fine, but one bounced off of my skin and I had to really push hard to get it to go in. It was painful. I sure do feel like a pin cushion now and it is just the beginning!!! The typical number of days to take the STIM meds is 10. They basically make me produce tons of eggs. I will go in on the 20th for another ultrasound and bloodwork and then again on the 22nd. If I have alot of quality eggs by then we will be good, if not I will go in everyday for monitoring until my body is ready for the egg retrieval. It is predicted to be on the 26th (give or take two days). Also, I am hoping not to get OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome).
The symptoms of OHSS can range from mild to severe. Most women with the condition have mild symptoms such as:
  • Abdominal bloating
  • Mild pain in the abdomen
  • Weight gain
In rare cases, women can have more serious symptoms, including:
  • Significant weight gain (more than 10 pounds in 3 - 5 days)
  • Severe pain or swelling in the belly area
  • Decreased urination
  • Shortness of breath
    SOURCE 
So I really do NOT want this!!!! I already feel super bloated and plain ole fat!!! I am just having to deal with the emotions that come with that! I had lost some weight and to feel like I gained it all back has been discouraging. But I know it will all work out in the end. I may not be in my skinny jeans for a few years, but it will happen.

I am happy to report that after stopping the BCPs my depression has almost disappeared!! Praise the Lord! Now I still have NO energy and just really feel rundown. I try to keep things easy around the house. Today Noah and I played at home and went out to get dinner. Of course, we just picked it up and brought it home. I just don't have the energy to go out and do as much as I want with Noah. That makes me sad, but I know this is just a season.

I am still having hot flashes and headaches which I believe adds to my low energy level. I will continue to update and be open about this process. Feel free to ask questions if you want :) Oh and I will try to do a video of these shots as well to show the process better!

Hoping to post some on alot of the fun things we have been up to lately!! We went to a little zoo near our house and we played in the rain. I got some good shots of both activities! Can't wait to share!

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Monday, September 10, 2012

This too shall pass!!

Disclaimer: This is real, this is raw!! I said I was going to try my best to document everything entailed with IVF, so here I go!! You were warned!

I know that I have mentioned moodiness as one of my symptoms. Well let me get a little bit more detailed. When I started the BCPs I started noticing that I had a lack of motivation. I didn't have a pep in my step and honestly only had enough energy and patience to take care of Noah. So the house has fallen to the backburner.

I used to have this routine each morning of feeding Noah breakfast while I cleaned up the kitchen. Also, I would try to do a load of laundry every other day. The laundry has piled up! Todd finally stepped in and has been working on the enormous pile. After typing that I feel guilty. I also feel like everyone is going to judge me and think that hormones or not I should take care of the house and not let my working husband do it.

Well, until you have walked in my shoes please do not cast judgement! I am in no way the type of person that would just not do something so that Todd would have to do it. I stay at home and I love it, so I take pride in running my home!!! And more importantly raising my son!!

The BCPs made me lose motivation and I could feel myself getting depressed. Then the Lupron was added. And now I have to admit that I am depressed. I have almost lost my zest for life. I even asked Todd's mom to take Noah for the day and spend the night in hopes that I could take this time to regain some energy and pull myself together.  Which makes me feel guilty, but I keep telling myself that he gets to see his cousins and will have more fun there instead of around lazy me.

I just keep thinking that I only have to deal with this for another week then my Lupron dose is lowered and the STIM meds are added. I am afraid to read their side effects!! I have left a message for my nurse about my depression and am waiting for her return call. I just don't want to throw away all that I have done so far. I keep thinking if I can just hold on a bit longer.

So my logic now is to reach out to my family for help with Noah. I know this is only a little while longer with the IVF, so it will pass. And just to be clear I am not like so depressed that I don't want to live or anything. I just don't want to get up off of the couch!!! It is hard to explain b/c I know that if you have never experienced depression it is hard to imagine. You think just get off the couch! Not so easy!!!

The added guilt of not being 100% for Todd and Noah is not good either. I feel like a failure to them :( It is hard not to cry as I type that. I love them so much and feel like if my body would work right in the first place then I wouldn't have to take all of these medications.

This post was hard to write and I am sure it will be even harder to publish. I feel like it is one of those posts that you write and then never share. But maybe just maybe it was meant to share.

I would really appreciate your prayers!! 


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Friday, September 7, 2012

Perspective

I have to say that with all of the IVF stuff I have been a bit self absorbed. I hate to even say that word b/c it sounds so harsh like I am not paying attention to anyone but me. I just feel like b/c of my vast amount of symptoms these days all I can think about is how I am feeling.

One major thing has been lack of motivation!! I would say depression, but I'm not really sad, just SUPER lazy!! Laundry piles up, doesn't bother me. I seriously don't even want to touch it. This has been frustrating b/c well my house is a wreck!!! And y'all know that can make you grumpy! Plus, I really want to get all of that done since I am a stay at home mom and such.

I have tons of excuses and I am just giving myself a get out of jail free card these days. Todd has been super supportive. I mean he is a champ!!! He sees my frustration and helps me out soooo much!! I honestly don't know how I deserve him!!!!

My patience is limited so I save it for Noah. I want to be the best momma I can be to him. That is why if I have to chose over laundry or playing with Noah right now I am picking playing with Noah. Let me break it down for y'all. Imagine yourself on your moodiest day then amplify that by 100 that is how I feel all day long. Like I am fighting THE HULK from breaking out! Then add hotflashes, crying spells, headaches, fatigue, and bloating to the mix. That is me summed up! Oh and the added bonus is gaining weight! Stinkin' BCPs. I have gained 5 lbs!!!!! I know I'm all complain complain complain, so let me get to some praising!!

The first praise I have is that Noah is healthy!!! I took him to the doctor the other day b/c he kept complaining about his mouth hurting. This child would NOT let me take a peep and since he just had hand foot mouth disease/fifths disease (whatever it is called these days) I didn't want him to have that again and go untreated. Neways, he has alot of blisters in his mouth and the doctor wanted to send him to get bloodwork done to check his blood count. The doctor told me he didn't think it was anything to worry about, but he was being extra cautious. I was okay until we went into the hospital. I could feel the worry and tears creeping up. Then the person I had to give all Noah's info to looked just like one of my friends, which made me feel comforted. She even had a saying on her computer about Jesus. I calmed down. Then I realized that my 2 year old was about to get blood drawn and I could not imagine that even happening. This is a child that I have to literally lay on top of so the doctor can look in his ears and mouth!!

And of course the first attempt they could not get a vein! Noah was screaming and sweating and I was trying to hold it together while holding my sweet boy down. I felt horrible!! We gave him a break and tried again. This time it took me and four other nurses to hold him down! He is strong!!! Praise the Lord they got the vein and soon it was all over. Of course afterwards he only wanted GiGi (my mom) to hold him. I was now the bad guy :( We went for icecream and he wouldn't get out of the car. I'm sure he thought they aren't going to get me again! If they say I am getting icecream they can bring it to me. Smart boy :)

The lab results came back and he was fine! Praise the Lord again. This made me realize just how blessed I am! I imagined having to do that more or even worse like surgery and my heart just aches for anyone that has a child that goes through any of that.

I almost felt silly for even dreading my shots each day! I kept saying I would take a million shots for Noah not to have to get any!! So now each evening at 6 you will find me doing my shot and not stressing so much about it!! It is amazing how God puts things into perspective for us!!

We are so psyched to get to see some friends this weekend and spend some much needed quality time with them! I can't wait to post pics and blog about it all!! Hope y'all have a great weekend!

Oh and here's to only two more days of BCPs!! WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!


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Thursday, September 6, 2012

2nd Shot Vlog






I took a video of my second shot of Lupron! I was a bit nervous as you will tell by my voice. Also I had a sweet little toddler taking up some of my attention. I am excited to share my journey and I hope y'all are enjoying the ride! I will do another video when I add the STIM meds.

Update on the first shot! I was SUPER nervous, made myself bleed, and bruised right away! My stomach was doing flips awaiting 6 pm to come around! I did better the second go round! Hoping it gets easier as I do more shots! So far I still have the same symptoms. I have to say I am so bloated that I feel as if I am 3 months pregnant. And my tummy has two bruises on it now from my shots, so it is sore! Oh and the MOODINESS!!! I'm really ready to be my old self again!! But this is all worth it, it was worth it before and it will be worth it again!. Let me know what ya think, leave some love (comment)!

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Monday, September 3, 2012

Journey to 2nd Blessing

4-4-12: First consult appt. with Dr. Hasty
4-5-12: Started Metformin
4-11-12: Bloodwork
4-17-12: HSG, Counselor visit, SA

5-7-12: Nutritionist consult

6-22-12: Consult with Dr Hasty. Decided to do two cycles of Letrozole and plan out IVF.

7-1-12: First cycle of Letrozole, no pregnancy (BFN)
7-29-12: Second cycle of Letrozole, no pregnancy (BFN)

8-28-12: First day of BCPs
8-30-12: Hysteroscopy: All looked great
8-31-12: Trial Transfer

9-4-12: Start Lupron injections
9-9-12: Stop BCPs (YAY)
9-14-12: Baseline Ultrasound and Bloodwork (all looks good, left ovary is slower)
9-20-12: Baseline Ultrasound and Bloodwork (all looks good, left ovary is still slower)
9-22-12: Baseline Ultrasound and Bloodwork (all looks good, several follicles on the right ovary and a few on the left, estrogen is at 800)
9-24-12: Baseline Ultrasound and Bloodwork
9-24-12: Got the call to do the TRIGGER shot at 9 pm
9-25-12: Pre-op appt. The nurse does more bloodwork and they go over the egg retrieval procedure
9-26-12: Egg Retrieval at 7:15 am (went smoothly) 18 eggs were retrieved
9-27-12: The embryologist called and 12 out of the 18 eggs fertilized
9-29-12: 3 Day Transfer: transferred two beautiful embryos, 6 left to grow

10-2-12: More bloodwork, progesterone and estrogen levels checked (all is good), found out that none of the embryos made it to freeze stage :(
10-10-12: PG test at home = POSITIVE (some pink cervical mucus)

10-11-12: PG test #2 at home = POSITIVE, Beta results: 120
10-13-12: Second Beta: 168 (not doubling)
10-15-12: Third Beta: 271 (still not doubling, possibly a miscarriage or ectopic)
10-18-12: Fourth Beta: 818 (doubling now!!!)
10-20-12: Fifth Beta: 1702 First ultrasound: baby measured on time at 5 weeks and 3 days with yolk sac!!

10-22-12:Sixth Beta: 3464
10-25-12: Second Ultrasound! We saw a heartbeat!!! 119 BPM

11-2-12: Third Ultrasound: All looked great! Measuring on time @ 7 wks and 2 days/ HB 134


BCPs go away!!!

  • Hot flashes
  • Constant headaches
  • MOODINESS
  • Insomnia
  • Exhaustion
  • Bloating
  • Cramping
  • Lower backaches
  • Sadness
Those are just a few of the symptoms I am having from my BCPs. Which makes me nervous that tomorrow I am adding my first injections to the process. I really feel sorry for Todd b/c I my emotions are crazy up and down. I remember now why I hate BCPs!!! We don't mix well!!

I'm also a bit overwhelmed b/c I called my nurse and she said that my doctor may or may not be the one that does the egg retrieval and embryo transfer. She said that all of their doctors are very qualified! That is just not gonna roll with me!!! I do not like being juggled around to different doctors and having to explain my case with each one each time. That is not fair to me! It's not like I'm going in for a routine physical! This is serious stuff!! I have to admit that these hormones are definitely fueling this, but I am glad b/c I need to be open to my doctors about what I want. I will make that call tomorrow!!

To say I am ready to stop these BCPs is an understatement. I am actually looking forward to injections b/c that means that I only have 6 more days of BCPs.

My emotions in general right now change constantly! I try to have peace and go with the flow, but then I start thinking about this process and I feel like a two year old pitching a tantrum saying...I don't wanna do this! I don't wanna give myself shots, feel like crap all of the time. I feel guilty as a mom for not being 100% for Noah. I'm still mad at my body for not working right. I'm mad at my body for betraying me!

I am sad that I will not get the chance to come up with a neat idea to surprise Todd about a pregnancy. Or to be able to tell our parents in a sweet way!! I have to give myself time to grieve that, it is a loss. I know I need to give all of this to God! And trust me I am trying. And God has given me several words to have peace. Praying I can do that!!

I am thinking of doing a VLOG (video blog) of the shot tomorrow. Mainly show the process of getting the medicine drawn up and etc. I know it will get more complicated with the STIMS b/c you have to mix them first with one needle or use a Q-cap and then switch it out with another needle. I want to be CRYSTAL clear on how this process goes for me. I really do pray and hope that somehow this will help atleast one person in some way. I think we are way too silent when it comes to infertility! Like it is this big secret and no one should speak of it. Well lookout cause I do and will continue doing so!!!

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Saturday, September 1, 2012

Waiting, just practicing some more!!!

I am at the house waiting on UPS to bring me my trunkload of medications! I have to sign for them so I have yet to take a shower and I am constantly listening out for the doorbell or a faint knock. I looked back at some of my old blog posts from our first IVF and it kinda freaked me out.

I read that I was tired all of the time. Tired!! And I had no toddler running around! Oh my!!! Then I read that my left ovary took it's sweet time producing follicles! Which means that I will have many daily trips for ultrasounds and bloodwork before my egg retrieval. Just reading all of that wore me out. I know I shouldn't complain! Complaining isn't a great quality and I am sure y'all don't want to hear it!

I just get nervous! Then I have to remember that I may not be able to do this, but with God I can do anything!! I just have to trust in His plan! Even if it means to go through this entire process with no second blessing as a result. I have to surrender it all to Him. And who knows maybe this time won't be like the last time!

I think the reason it is harder not to get ahead of myself this time around is b/c I see Noah and I know miracles do happen. I know that at one time God created a life and sustained it in me!! So there will be a lot of times that I will have to just say...Dana take a deep breath, a few steps back, and sloooow down!!!

So today I am thankful that my in laws are watching Noah as I am STILL recovering from the hysteroscopy! I am thankful that I was able to do my devotional this morning and spend time with my Lord. I am thankful for frozen pizzas...it's what's for lunch (remember I can't leave the house). I am thankful for insurance coverage. I am thankful for ibuprofen :) hehe I am thankful for dishwashers and washer and dryers!!! I am thankful for this blog and all of my sisters out there, you know who you are ;) Love y'all!!!

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