Saturday, April 28, 2012

Where does my help come from, my help comes from the LORD!!!!

Though the fig tree should not blossom And there be no fruit on the vines, Though the yield of the olive should fail And the fields produce no food, Though the flock should be cut off from the fold And there be no cattle in the stalls, Yet I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

What's on my heart!

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillippians 4: 6-7

It has been so hard to write lately! And writing is my therapy, but every time I opened up a new blog post I just couldn't find the words. My emotions were there, but the words would not come. I have been having a really difficult time lately. Well, in all honesty for a while. My depression/anxiety has always been around, but lately it has been worse.

You see Todd and I would love to have another child. We would love to just mark our calendars and be able to plan another little bundle of joy. However, we cannot. We have to see doctors and do testing and I have to take meds and etc. Y'all know the story of Noah! So with that in mind, lets just say my mind and heart have been a bit scrambled up with emotions and fears!!!

I honestly thought that when I got pg with Noah that all of the baggage that came with IF (infertility) was magically taken away. I have found out that it has not and is currently residing right here. How did I miss all of that baggage? It has hit me like a ton of bricks and I am not even sure how to deal with it all. I dealt with IF before and thought I was good, I guess I should have realized it would be an ongoing project.

So each day I am home with Noah and I beat myself up! I am really hard on myself! I have lots of negative thoughts, which I am really trying to stop. I tell myself awful things like I am a bad momma, a loser, ugly, fat, and worthless!! I spend a lot of energy doing this and it has to stop. I just need to learn how to stop it. I have seen a counselor and that has helped some. Also, we have attended a new church that is very family oriented and I am psyched to see what God has in store for our family!!!

I am also struggling because there are NO stay at home mommas around my area. Most of the mommas work atleast part time. It stinks because I feel really isolated!!! I have googled MDO (Mother's Day Out) Programs in my area and come up with NONE!!! I just reached out on fb to see if anyone could recommend one, so I am hoping that works!! I really want Noah to be around other kids his age, plus two mornings a week could do this girl some good!

I know the Lord is working hard on me!! Even when i pull away from Him, He always lets His presence be known! I am so thankful to have such a loving Lord. I am working on giving up control and let the Lord mold me into His vision. Please send up some prayers for our family! We would greatly appreciate them!!!

Love y'all!!!


Saturday, April 14, 2012

Table for ONE!

There's been alot on my heart these days. One thing is that I often feel lonely. Yes, lonely! And let me explain a bit more. Ya see in my neck of the woods there's not many (if any) stay at home mommas. Especially with this horrible economy, most mommas work atleast part time around here. And with Todd's work schedule I can feel lonely sometimes.

I of course have this awesome little buddy to keep me company, but I feel like I am slighting him in some way for not being more social. Swim lessons have started back up and I am super glad that we atleast have that to get out and socialize. However, there is only one other child in the class and they are debating canceling the class b/c it is just two kids :( Hoping that they will not.

Please don't think I don't have family or friends to hang with, it is just that my family is busy...and most of my friends live far away from me. I see so many ppl that are constantly going places together and doing fun activities and I wonder what the heck is wrong with me. Why am I not out there with those ppl? I have tried to reconnect with highschool friends, but it seems like I just bug them. They are busy with their lives. And I totally understand that.

I have to say I have been super blessed to have the best friend/neighbor ever!!! She is super busy too, but I cherish the times we get to sit in the driveway and chat while the kids, scratch that, her kids play...while Noah sits in my lap! He is very shy!! But it would just be my luck that they may be moving soon :( I swear that always happens! BOOO!!!

There are days that I am okay with how things are, but today I am a bit bummed about it. I really wish I had a circle of friends that were in the same season of life as I am. Girlfriends that I could discuss teething with, new trends, potty training, etc. Also, I know Todd needs a circle of guy friends too!! You know it takes a village!! That is soo true!!

I am so frustrated with myself right now!! What is wrong with me??

I am really praying that God gives me peace on this matter :) If y'all have a chance please send up some prayers for me as well! I would greatly appreciate it!! Photobucket

Monday, April 9, 2012

Fedora Loving!

 He never ceases to amaze me with his cuteness!!!
And yes I realize the Fedora is too big for him! This summer it will come in handy when we are out in the sun and I don't want him to get so much sun on his sweet lil head :) 


Sunday, April 8, 2012

Happy Resurrection Day!!!

Happy Resurrection Day!!!
“He is not here, for he is raised just as he said; come see the place in which our Lord was laid.” ~Matthew 28:6