Wednesday, February 29, 2012

This is YOUR life!!

"This is your life, are you who you wanna be?"
I am sure y'all have heard that song by Switchfoot.
If not here are the lyrics:

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you've broken
Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes

This is your life

And today is all you've got now
And today is all you'll ever have
Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes

This is your life

Are you who you wanna be
This is your life
Are you who you wanna be
This is your life
Is it everything you've dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger
And you had everything to lose

Yesterday is a kid in the corner

Yesterday is dead and over

This is your life

Are you who you wanna be
This is your life
Are you who you wanna be
This is your life
Is it everything you've dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger
And you had everything to lose

Don't close your eyes

Don't close your eyes

This is your life

Are you who you wanna be
This is your life
Are you who you wanna be
Yeah
This is your life
Are you who you wanna be
(who you wanna be)
Yeah
(this is your life)
Are you who you wanna be
Who you wanna be
Come on
Come on
(this is your life)
Is it everything you've dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger
And you had everything to lose
You had everything to lose


As I was driving home from my parent's house tonight I heard this song on the radio. I have heard it many times before, but tonight I stopped and thought...am I who I want to be?? I am a wife and a mother, which is TOTALLY who I want to be. But on a deeper level am I who I wanna be?

The kind of person I want to be can be summed up in one name, JESUS!!

If you did not already know this I am a huge fan of The Duggars! You know 19 Kids and Counting! I just adore how much joy they have. You see it on their face constantly. They always turn negatives to positives. It is just the way they think. My brain always goes to the negative. For instance, what went wrong at a party as opposed to the things that went right. Also, I adore how much they trust in the Lord. They pray to Him before making decisions and praise Him during blessings and sorrow. They are living the life they want to live!!

What is holding me back from having the same? Myself!! I have decided that I should focus on the things in my life that really matter. Not the material stuff. I want to end each day and know that I was who I wanted to be and more importantly who God made me to be! I want others to see Jesus in me! Just like I see Jesus in the Duggar family. And I don't want it for fame or fortune, but for peace. Peace like no other. (and I am in NO way saying the Duggars do it for fame or fortune).

Here's a few things I wanna be:
  • the kind of person that has a knee jerk response to get on bended knee when a problem arises, instead of worrying and fretting over it.
  • the kind of person that wakes up each day with a servant's heart
  • the kind of person that sees the positive in everything and lets that always override the negative
  • someone that gives up control and finally lets God take the wheel
  • a mother that can lead Noah to Christ and encourages him to always trust in the Lord by my example
  • a wife that honors my husband as the leader of the house and encourages him in leading instead of trying to lead myself or condescending his actions
  • a daughter that respects and honors her parents by instilling the values they taught me into my son
  • a sister that is always willing to listen instead of talking so much
  • a friend that you can rely on during the bad times and not just the good times
  • the kind of person that doesn't worship things or possessions, but instead would be willing to give any of it to someone in need
  • a church member that is more interested in what I can do to help instead of looking to the church to help me
  • someone that turns the other cheek when someone is mean to me
  • someone that prays for my "enemies" or really just the ppl that I don't care to be around
  • a child that Christ would be proud of!!
I am done trying to find things, food, or people's acceptance to fill my heart. Nothing can ever fill my soul like Jesus!! I have always believed this but was always too wrapped up in day to day life to practice it. And since we are not promised tomorrow, I am not wasting another minute!

Are you who you wanna be??
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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Walls!

Lately I feel like I keep hitting brick walls! As you all know I have been working on losing weight! You know eating better and exercising! Well, yesterday I had my annual OB appt. and asked my doctor to please refer me to a nutritionist, preferably one that dealt with emotional eating and PCOS. She basically told me that I would have to go home and find one b/c she only knew of nutritionists that deal with diabetic patients. Well, I have already done that so that is why I was asking the doctor! BRICK WALL!! I have been taking this group power class. It is a class where you lift weights. I do light weights and you do a billion reps! I did this class the last time I lost wt. You do clean and presses, squats, lunges, biceps, triceps, chest, back, and abs! You do it all! I must have pulled something last week b/c lately my left shoulder and neck has been tight and hurting. So after swim class I went to my cuz chiropractor (yes I am lucky to have one in the fam). He basically told me that the class I was taking was just pumping up my shoulder muscles which were already getting too big!! UGH! And that my hamstrings and some other string was tight, so I need to stretch more. BRICK WALL! I just felt frustrated b/c I really like my class but feel like maybe I should just stick to tons of cardio. Maybe take a spin class instead of the weight lifting class?? Yay, just went through that brick wall ;) Also, as you all know I have been dx with PCOS. But my OB seems to think I don't have PCOS. So I am really thinking I need to just go to a new RE. I am NOT going back to my old one, he was a JERK! No bedside manner! Now I just need to figure out which one is covered by my insurance and then get my files from my old RE sent over to my new RE! Whew!! I hate doing things like that b/c it takes FOREVER and my old RE never sent my records to my OB...after I requested several times. This time I may have to personally go and get them! The office is in ATL, just an hour and half from my house! Yes just call me whiny pants today! WHAAAAA!!!! I am tired! Physically, mentally, and emotionally! Better go and get my research on!! I will keep y'all updated!!! Photobucket

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Rocks + Dirt = Noah Fun!!!

Sorry it has been a while, I have been busy working out and loving life!! Plus my laptop was upstairs for a while and well ya know out of sight out of mind! Lately the weather here in GA has been crazy! I mean 70 degree weather in February! We sure are enjoying it!!! It was so nice outside, very warm, but really windy! So I made sure to put Noah's hat on him, b/c we DO NOT want any earaches in this household!!!
Always running these days!

 His cuteness just gets me!! I know I am his momma, but he is just sooo stinkin cute! He loves to put his favorite things on his table! His rocks!!

Here he is in awe of some dirt!!

 He had so much fun digging dirt out of this pot!! 

 And had even more fun getting all messy :) Dirt on the face and his clothes! I love these moments, such treasures!!

Then he wanted to swing a bit!
 Hold on tight Noah!!!

Then he had to take one last stop and play with his rocks!

And then we headed in for a snack!
He insisted on sitting in the big chair! 
Peek a boo!!
We had so much fun outside and I am excited about Summer because ever since he has been playing outside he has been in the best mood and goes to sleep at night so easily! I guess it wears him out! He adores being outside!

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Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Happy belated Valentine's Day!

We did Valentine's Day with Noah a few days early b/c Todd had to work on V-day! My parents and Todd's parents have always gotten us something for V-day when we were kiddos, so we both wanted to keep that tradition up with Noah! I will take any excuse to spoil my babe rotten :)
 Here's Noah saying TA TA WEE! Which means Veggie Tales :)

And it would NOT be complete without some CHOC CHOC!!! 
He likes to "dance, dance, dance" :)

Then later that evening Todd had a surprise for me!
So pretty, just hope I can keep it alive, HA!


Now fast forward to Valentine's Day....
Like I mentioned earlier, Todd had to work 14 hours yesterday!! BOO!! But I did get to spend the day with my other valentine, Noah! We had swim lessons in the morning!

After swim Noah was very hungry so he snacked in the car!

We met up with my parent's on the way home for a nice lunch! Sorry I didn't get any pictures! They also gave Noah his V-day gift :) Then they left and Noah and I settled in for a nice little nap :)
I made him one of is FAVS (spg o's)!!!
He did SO well feeding himself!!! 
 Me and my Valentine!

Then we decided to make Daddy something, so I pulled out the finger paint! 
And then I let Noah just go wild with the paint! I added the text using the app RedStamp! 
 
And that was our Valentine's celebration! Hope y'all had a great one as well!

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Monday, February 13, 2012

Vent, go ahead skip to the next post! {I warned ya}

It is ironic that after a wt loss journey post full of all positive goals and such that I would end up writing a post like the one I am about to write. But I just cannot hold it in and since this blog has been some amazing form of therapy for me from the get go I am going to vent here! So feel free to skip ahead to another post, cause here goes!!

 I am completely and utterly sick of hearing ppl tell me to be tough on myself concerning wt loss. I am equally sick of ppl telling me to give myself a break and not to stress over losing weight! I guess you could say I am fed up with advice all together. I think it is b/c in some way or another someone's advice counters another's advice....or somehow ends up making me want to jump right into a bad of doritos!!! And yes I did that tonight! Not proud of myself, but I did! All I could hear was everyone's voice in my head, it just seemed all negative and I wanted it to stop!!! Nothing I did was ever good enough b/c someone always had a better way, less calories that I should be consuming, different foods I should be eating, choosing a diet drink was now wrong b/c of the side effects, however drinking a sugary southern beverage was also wrong. I just wanted to SCREAM!!!!! So I did what any normal  person would do, I ate!!!

I grabbed a bag of doritos and a diet dr. pepper and I sat there and ate my feelings away! I thought once that the only reason I had not chosen the feeling of being skinny as opposed to the numbing feeling of eating was just b/c eating gratified me faster at that moment! Trust me I know what it is like to feel skinny and it DOES taste better than any food!! But dude, I am not skinny and not sure how I am going to ever get to that place again!

I have a gazillion thoughts racing through my head! I try to eat better, but then the low blood sugar starts to make me go insane. I have contemplated seeing another RE to see if further testing could show me what to do. I have wondered if a nutritionist is who I should see. I just keep circling around and around and right now I am dizzy and DONE!!!

 I just wanna throw up the old middle finger and say screw it! Yep, I so just said that! But more so I wanna say something, anything!!! So I came up with some of the things I should have said to previously stated advice! (granted I asked for the advice, and I know it was meant well! just let me get this out, mkay?)

If you want me to be tough on myself well just look at me, you really think I got this fat by being nice to myself?

Oh and tough love doesn't work on me btw, I tend to do the opposite of what ppl say neways! Must be a genetic quality b/c I have always been that way.


And yes I realize that to lose wt you have to eat right and exercise. What do you think I am a moron? I am an emotional eater, I have medical issues, and I am trying to figure it all out. Is a little bit of your doing a good job too much to ask for?

Really 1200 calories is what I need to limit myself to each day! Thank you doctor for realizing that I am such a fatty that I cannot ingest more than 1200 calories a day or else I am a total and utter failure! I am already beating my head against the wall to get my calorie intake down to 1300 a day, but go ahead and tell me again how I am doing that wrong as well!!

And I do not think I have one of those mega drives most ppl have. When I say I am pushing myself to the limit that is probably your version of mediocrity! However, it is still my limit. I am obviously angry, which means hurt (counselor speak)! I am upset at myself for not eating better during my pregnancy and gaining WAY too much wt. I am even more upset with myself that I am not super woman and cannot seem to figure out how to raise a human being, take care of the entire household, cook from scratch with only organic ingredients, be crafty in my spare time, and run 10 miles each day! Not to mention care for the needy, spend time with family and friends, blog about said time spend with family and friends, and still I have yet to figure out how to have enough energy so that I don't feel the need to crawl into the bed during Noah's naptime! And I envy everyone that somehow can go on NO sleep! I need atleast 8 hours a night to even be functional the next day!

So there's my vent! I had to get that out!!!!!! Whew, I so just word vomited everywhere! I am sure that I will have to do some explaining in upcoming blogs! But for now, I am just going to let myself BE!!! 

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Wt Loss Journey!

Or should I say stay at the same wt journey!! I became very frustrated with myself b/c I was just maintaining the same weight and still counting calories on my fitness pal (an app on my phone). Then I changed a few settings on that app and it lowered my calories per day! I have managed to keep my calories lower and am hoping that I will soon see a difference!!

I was doing so well with the elliptical, then got sick and haven't been on it since. I got strep throat and DUDE it made me lose ALL of my energy and at times I felt like I was gonna die. I am just now getting some energy back and honestly am a bit scared to get back on the horse, so to speak. But I know I need to!!!

I have been trying different bkfast foods and trying to find one that helps with my sugar levels. So far I can do a carnation bkfast shake and a fiber one bar and I don't get the shakes til 11! Which is better than any other foods I have tried. So I just eat an early lunch. Plus, I am quite active in the morning...feeding Noah, loading the dishwasher, doing laundry, tidying up, etc. I have also started meal planning for the week! This way I can see what my week looks like and then I don't get so stressed over what we are going to eat.....or wait til the last minute and then make bad decisions!!!

So I feel like I am getting this done one step at a time! I am learning my way around! I have to always remember that when I lost so much wt before I was taking metformin and did not have a kiddo. I have to develop another strategy this time around that will work for me in this season of my life. I hope I am getting in down, finally!!

Starting wt: 161.5
Current wt: 156.5 (STUCK)
Goal wt: 130
LBs to lose: 26.5
Goals:
  • keep my calories under 1300 a day!
  • get back on the elliptical (30 minutes, twice a week)
  • sign up for Mon and Wed group power classes at the gym, which means get a sitter for Noah on those days!
  • Drink more water!!!

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Saturday, February 11, 2012

Our love story!

If it scares you, do it! That was my motto when I headed away from home to go into the big city for my bachelor's degree. I was terrified! I was so scared that I think the fear drove me! I moved in with my brother and his wife and went out on my own in a new place, a very big new place!!!!!! I went from living in a town with ONE caution light to ATLANTA!!! It was exciting and new and I loved my new motto! I went by it and b/c of that motto I found my way to Todd!!!!

When I moved into my brother's house I had to pay rent. He wanted to teach me about life and I was eager to learn. So I headed off to find a job and earn some money to pay my way through life. I was going to school full time in this big city! This city full of no one that I knew! To say I was out of my comfort zone is an understatement :) I found a job at AE at the mall! That was an awesome job! I met new friends, got a great discount on super cool clothes, and found so much pride in doing things on my own. It was at AE that I remember so vividly seeing Todd once again! But I will get to that later!

Dare I say I even pledged a sorority! Yep, I went out to hang with these girls I didn't really know in an environment I was so not familiar with! I am not a dressin up kind of girl! Not stylish, nor cool! But there I was facing my fears one at a time! And doing well at it!!!!

After writing in my journal one night I saw Todd's phone number written in the cover! Todd and I had dated a few years back and broken up. We were both young and not really ready for a relationship. I had always remembered Todd. I mean look at the guy! He's hot!! HAHA! I thought about how much I had grown since we dated last and then it hit me. I should so give him a call and see how he is doing. I was totally not expecting anything out of it, but secretly hoping in my heart that we would see each other again. That day I talked to his dad for like 10 minutes. He was proudly talking about his son (as I have come to find out is a very normal everyday thing) telling me about how he was finishing up his final exams and such. So I left the message for Todd to call me and then went downstairs to cook dinner for all of us. I think it was some chicken box/rice/noodle type dinner. You know the ones like hamburger helper. Then the phone rang!

It was Todd!!! I played it really cool. Actually so cool that he didn't think I was interested, hehe!  But somehow we set up a date and I was soo excited and nervous. He was going to meet me after work and we were going to eat and watch a movie. I worked in the mall (mall of ga) and so it would be easy to grab some grub there and watch a movie. I can remember telling my coworkers that I had a hot date and that I was very nervous! Then Todd appeared!! He came in and my heart just fell into my feet. How could he have gotten even more handsome? I couldn't help myself so I hugged him! Then I heard my coworkers chit chatting about how cute Todd was and we were on our merry way.

Later I learned that Todd had been sitting outside of the store watching me for a bit. Not in a creepy way, but in a nervous/not sure how to go in kinda way. He has told me that he just watched me and thought how beautiful I was :) SIGH!!!! I know so sweet!!!

We went to eat at chick fil a, something quick so we would have time to see the movie. Then we went and saw Lord of the Rings (the first one)! The funny thing is that somehow I ended up buying us tickets and so did he!! He still rags me about that. I had been in the city for a while and thought it was the new cool for the girl to buy her own ticket and such! I felt like such a dork :)

As you all know that movie is SUPER long! So after the movie we walked to our cars. We got in Todd's car and he drove me to mine. It was freezing outside. I think we got snow the next week. I remember Todd offering me his mom's rainbow colored mittens. It was cute that he had those in his car. I did not want the night to end!! But dates to have to come to an end :) I am not sure what we talked about, but I do remember the goodnight kiss!!!!! It really was magical!!!

And they lived happily ever after :)
All because a girl faced her fears and went out to conquer her world!!!!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Healthy eating never tasted so good!!!!!

I am so excited about what I cooked for dinner that I just HAD to blog about it ;) Tonight I made the chicken nuggets and zucchini fries from Skinny Taste! I have made the nuggets before and really liked them so they were a no brainer. However I was unsure about the zucchini fries.....until I ate one! Oh my!!!! I am in LOVE!! They were crunchy like fries and were juicy on the inside as well. I actually had ketchup left over and that NEVER happens. Todd and I put ketchup on our ketchup, haha! And Noah is following in our footsteps. Unfortunately, he did not like the nuggets. That child will only eat Chick-fil-a nuggets! He ate them last time so I will just keep trying to get him to like them. And without further adieu here are some pics for your mouthwatering pleasure!
See told you I loved ketchup, HA!
For the recipes for the nuggets you can go HERE! And for the zucchini fries you can go HERE! You will not regret it! And yes I did find whole wheat breadcrumbs! Yay for healthy eating :)

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Saturday, February 4, 2012

B O Y!!!

Having a boy is alot of fun! I love seeing the boy come out in him each day. How he grabs his "tools" and fixes his mickey car or wants to collect rocks in the backyard. He is ALL boy for sure!! I can remember when we found out Noah was a boy at our ultrasound and I kept thinking I have NO clue how to raise a boy. I mean I only know girl thangs! But seriously it has come so natural and I just adore having a sweet little boy!!
 
He seriously is wild in love with his rocks!! See the joy in his face :)
 He loves to line them up and then take them from one table to the next!
I love this shot of his cute lil chubby hand with his favorite pals :)

And I could not leave out this picture of him being silly! He definitely keeps me on my toes!
I sure do love my boy!! And my older boy too, HA!!
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Wednesday, February 1, 2012

20 Months Old {just a lil late}

I know I am a bit behind (he was officially 20 mos old on Jan. 17th), but here is a post about Noah at 20 months old! I cannot believe he will be 21 months old in 16 days :( Closer to TWO everyday!

Happy 20 Months Noah Wesley!!! 

Clothes: Pants (18 mos), Shirts (24 mos-2T), Pajamas (24 mos. footy pjs).
Shoes: size 6 wide :) yes he has a chunky foot!
Diapers: just finished off the remaining 5 and moving on up to Size 6
Sleep: Noah sleeps in his bed really well now! He usually goes to bed around 8 pm and wakes up at 7 or 7:30. There are rare occasions where he gets up at night, but thankfully those have become rare! He naps once a day usually atleast 1 hour but the max is 2 hours. He still fights sleep ALL of the time. We rock him for naps and bedtime, but he knows if he fights us he goes in his bed. Which usually he just fusses or chit chats and then goes to sleep!
Teeth: 12 (6 top, 6 bottom)
Traveling: We went to SC to our friend's Lakehouse for a fun trip!
Talking: He amazes me each day with his vocabulary! He is putting more and more words together like saying "the end" after reading a book. He also says "momma up" or "come here Mag Mag". Somedays he says new words or phrases and I am like did he just say that :)
Favorite Activity: playing outside with his rocks! Right now the weather has been warm and so we have had the opportunity to go out a lot and he LOVES to collect rocks and line them up and play with them!!
Favorite Books: Night Night Prayer book, God loves you Nose to Toes book, Sesame street big and small book, and his toddler bible
Favorite Foods: ALL things fruit!!!! And he LOVES chickfila nuggets! They are almost the only ones I can get him to eat. Lately he has become a very picky eater and somedays he will gobble up mac and cheese and other days he acts like he hates it. I never know!! He has also discovered Cherios and loves them. Oh and my child knows what chocolate is and can request it if he sees the wrapper of a reeses cup!! He calls it choc choc
Foods disliked: Noah is weird with textures, so he won't eat mashed potatoes! I hope one day he will love them!
Favorite Songs: Jesus Loves Me! He sings it with me every night before bed. It is sooo precious. He also loves the Veggie Tales song and sings along to it!
Dislikes: Getting his nails cut! I swear I haven't cut his toenails in forever b/c he even wakes up during a nap if I try to cut them! It is crazy! 
Favorite Word: Noah has mastered saying "NO"! Sometimes he says it and doesn't mean no! I think it is just easier to say than yes! But he will tell me no all the time, with such a cute voice!!!
Things we are learning: He started his first swim class and really enjoyed it. I am working on him saying please and thank you right now when he orders us to move or get up! I just think is sounds nicer if he says "momma up please". He has learned most of the animals and their sounds. We started learning the color blue, but still haven't mastered that one yet. He tries to sing his ABC's while watching Sesame Street, but it doesn't really sound like the song. Hey atleast he is trying. And he LOVES to sing, he even sings on key! SO not like me :) He has always been a big helper with me and helps me take Maggie out to potty, pick up his toys, and put things in the trash can!! He cracks me up b/c he always wants to wipe the table down after he eats on it. He might just make Todd and I neat and tidy people, HA!!!

Gotta give my girl Amber a shout out, cause I so used her list for this! Thank you because I would not have thought of half of the things to write out :) Go check out her blog, she is a sweetheart! You can go HERE!
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