Tuesday, November 29, 2011

This is me, This is who I am!

I know, I know, 3 posts in one day! Too much to handle! And I have one scheduled for tomorrow! Oh well, it is what it is! I actually have the time to post (or rather I am choosing writing over sleep) and I have TONS on my mind and heart right now! 

I am a bit sad y'all! I am sad that I can't just "plan" another pregnancy! That it doesn't come that easy for me. That I can't just go well, when Noah is two we will start trying for number 2 and then in a few months I will be pregnant. I am sad because I don't want Noah to miss out b/c of my stupid body! Because my body doesn't work right! Ya know? 

I know that having Noah's first haircut today did a number on me. There is always so much reminding me how time is constantly rushing past. And trust me I notice and try to take the time to stop and enjoy every second. All I could think of on the way home was that this could be the only first haircut we (Todd and I) get. And to all of my sisters out there that are still yearning for a first child, please don't hate me for this post. Trust me I cherish the fact that I have a child at all!!! And I will never take that for granted! 

Sometimes I just wish things were a bit easier when it comes to having children. I wish it was more "normal"! Whatever normal is, well for me...it would be the ability to actually try to get pg and it happen! With no medicine, needles, surgeries, or countless emotional rollercoasters!!!! 

And I am sad b/c I don't have many (any) friends that are in the same season of life as me! Ya know, stay at home mom! I really need that!!! Noah does too!! 

Lord, 
Please forgive me for always wanting more! Thank you for Noah! Thank you for Your grace! You are always my rock! And I know You have a perfect plan for my life. One that I don't understand, but I trust You. Please help me to have peace over that plan!  I love you Lord and I know I haven't been very present with You lately! I am so sorry!!! I have gotten caught up in this world and have forgotten about my real home one day in heaven with You! It is in this moment that I know I can find peace, just here with You!!! You are ALL I need! You are ALL I want!!! You are EVERYTHING oh Lord!!!! Amen

3 comments:

Shelly said...

Amen!

Tracy said...

I totally see where you're coming from Dana =( Sending you hugs!!

wallacefamilyblog said...

Totally feel you. I know one day we want another child but Im sure if it was anything like Morgan it wont come easy. While Im not a SAHM, I would always like some new friends to be around to hang with. Now why dont we live closer ?! I think we would be BFF for sure:)