Friday, November 11, 2011

Serious Time!

I have been slowly coming off of Paxil since the middle of September! As I have mentioned before I have been on and off of an antidepressant since college. Paxil works the BEST for me, however, it is NOT good for someone while pregnant. And we are NOT pregnant. Todd and I just decided that if a miracle does happen and we get pg on our own then I really do not need to be on Paxil.

And dude I don't know if y'all have ever come off of Paxil before, but it is HORRIBLE!!! I came off of it cold turkey a few years back and almost lost my mind!!!!! I can remember that time I just layed in bed all day b/c my body ached so badly I couldn't move. Plus I was so depressed I didn't want to move! Well now it is kinda the same story! My body aches ALL over, I am nauseous ALL the time, I have perma-headache, SEVERE irritability (poor Todd), and depression! It is sooo much harder this time b/c I can't just lay in bed all dia day long. I have a child to take care of! And I want to be a positive influence in said child's life each day! Not a bad one!!

I am struggling so hard and feel really hopeless!!! I went to my family doctor the other day and he basically told me I had two choices  a). be moody or b). get on prozac!! Then after he asked me why I felt like antidepressants weren't good during pregnancy (and I answered b/c of several sources: tv, my husband (aka pharmacist), and common sense) He preceded to tell me that if I was gonna listen to malpractice lawyers then why would I even come to a doctor!! Can you say J E R K!!! Yep done with that doctor!!! Oh and he told me that there is NO way I was having side effects/withdrawals from coming off of Paxil. Yep, basically told me I was just NUTS!!!

Neways here I am done with my meds and feeling like I am going to go crazy! My sense of smell is ridiculous! Even the smell of coffee now makes me feel sick!!! After tons of frustration I went into my pantry and took a dose of Prozac!! I feel so defeated!! I really thought I could beat this...with exercise and loads of help from others! But when I can barely get off the couch I am just not sure I can exercise! :(

So now I guess I am taking Prozac and if we get pg we will cross that bridge when we get there. I just need to be ME again! I am not this mean and angry person! I swear these days I DO NOT have an edit button!! And just thinking about going it solo this wkend (cause Todd works) makes me break out in cold sweats!!! I just hope the Prozac can atleast take away some of these withdrawal symptoms!

That is me...being REAL!!!


J said...

My heart goes out to you. I have also suffered from depression and have tried many different drugs to see what works best. Unfortunately, most people who don't know what depression is like don't know how it really affects a person--you can't just lighten up!
I also give you props for going cold turkey--I always weaned myself off just to try to minimize the emotional chnange.
Good luck and I'm thinking/praying for you!

Our Baby "D" said...

Sending you hugs! I'm here if you ever need to vent :)

Anonymous said...

saw this article on another blog and just thought I would pass it along to you:)

The Sherrill Family said...

I have friends who have had the same trouble coming off Paxil. It stinks.

Praying for you friend. Like all things, we just need time. Love!

A said...

That doctor sounds like he sux.