Thursday, September 22, 2011

IF = Infertility = Me

I have to say a few things before, well I say a few things, HA!! I am about to express my feelings lately. It is about IF (infertility) so just know that I DO feel SUPER SUPER blessed to have Noah. And I am okay if he is our only child b/c I feel blessed to get to have him!!!

Lately alot of friends have been announcing their second pregnancies. I am not going to lie, it has been hard for me. I still get that kicked in gut feeling when I hear the news. And of course I am happy for them and of course Todd and I haven't even wanted to start trying for another babe. Not that trying would help...but you get the jist. We haven't even discussed another IVF or adoption. And remember we don't have any frozen embryos left. Noah was our last, but not least!!!

I just cannot believe that I still get that feeling when I hear about pg announcements. And really it isn't so much with women with their first kiddo, but more so the second on. I guess it makes me feel bad that I can't just "plan" for a sibling for Noah and bam it happens. And before it was what my body couldn't give Todd, now it is what my body cannot give Todd and Noah!!! And even though we are not even ready for child #2 I am feeling a bit left behind! Does that even make sense????? I am not sure it does.

I have been looking to the Lord to handle my grief. I am trusting in the Lord b/c He sees the BIG picture, not me! He saw the big picture with Noah and now looking back I can see a bit of it as well. I know His timing is perfect. Before I got pg with Noah I was able to lose wt and get healthy. See God didn't only fulfill our wishes of being parents but HE went further and fulfilled my wish of being a healthier weight when I got pg. He really does exceedingly and abundantly above all we could ever think or imagine!!! And yes it still stings when I hear these announcements, but it also reminds me that I am NOT in control...God is!!! And I am okay with that!!!!!

To all of my friends expecting #2 I am very happy for you all! I really am!! And I am looking forward to reading/hearing about your journey with the second babe!!!!

And to all of my friends still waiting for #1 I am praying for y'all!!! I know that you are probably thinking how selfish I sound....but trust me the feelings from IF never really go away. I pray for y'all to have peace, b/c I know that is what I always desired the most!!! Sending everyone lots and lots of LOVE!!!!


Melissa said...

I TOTALLY have the same feelings. And its only for people expecting #2 as well and all for the same reasons you listed. All of my playdate friends have 2 kids or are pregnant with #2 and I was surprised that it bothered me. We are now working on trying IVF again. Like you we didn't have any frozen embabies so we are starting from scratch. I really can't beleive we are taking this ride again but I'm not getting any younger so this will be our last shot at having a sibling for Cassie. And if she is our only child I am fine with that. We are just so blessed to have her!

cady said...

I feel the same way when I hear pregnancy announcements. I thought that feeling would go away when Lucy was born, but no. Still there.

Anonymous said...

I so agree with every word! We are not quite ready for #2 either but realize that Gods timing will be perfect.