Tuesday, September 6, 2011

BS

What to write about?? I have had a bit of a block lately! I start a post in my head and then end up saying NAH. The one thing that has been on my mind constantly is my relationship with food. I have posted before about this. I have posted about how upset I get with myself because I tend to eat the more unhealthy foods than the healthy ones.

When I started this blog I was 30 lbs overweight. And throughout the process of IF (with the help of metformin) I lost the weight right before out last IVF. Then came pregnancy!! And I let the monster out of the cage so to speak. I mean this girl ate up some fried chicken fingers, french fries, and hot fudge sundaes!! FOR SERIOUS!!! I can remember getting on the scale at the doctor's office and worrying what the doctor was gonna say about my wt gain. She just told me that it would be harder to get it off after the pregnancy, and she was RIGHT!!!! I wish I could say that I breastfeed and the wt just melted off! NOPE!! I wish I could say I was motivated and began eating healthy and exercising right away. NOPE!!! And I do give myself some slack b/c I had a c-section and it was hard. I truly believe that my body is still healing from that surgery.

However, I had envisioned that by now I would be back to my pre pregnancy wt. NOPE!! And I am really upset with myself about it. I look at other mommas and wonder how they do it. I look at food and get completely dumb founded. Plus, I get low sugar easily (reactive hypoglycemia)  and end up downing something bad to get my sugar back up. I totally panic when that happens. I could give you tons of reasons why...I am a food addict, would rather sit and watch tv than do the eliptical and watch tv, sleep deprivation, exhaustion, and on and on and on!!

But instead of sitting here giving those reasons, lets get real, ya know...Dr. Phil kinda real!! I have a super low self esteem and I feel better when I eat. Well for a little while!! It is my way of filling some kind of deep hole inside of myself. So instead of just working on the outer shell, I think I need to work on the inside as well. I know I am on the right path. I have prayed and prayed for God that I can find a group of Christian women and do a Bible study :) That is soo happening and I cannot even express how excited I am about that!! I need that!!!!!

I also need to stop being so mean to myself!!! I am constantly putting myself down in my head and that needs to stop. I am my own worst enemy! I really want to feel good about myself and even though I could say that feeling good on the inside should be enough...I know it won't be. That is why I have to work on both!!! I remember what it feels like to go shopping and actually enjoy trying things on. I remember the feeling of seeing myself in pictures and not cringing. I remember the feeling of being comfortable in my own skin. AND I WANT THAT BACK!!!

I am hoping that you will follow me on my journey to better my body and my soul. I am asking for prayers! I am asking for your advice and support. I plan on posting once a week about this so that I can have some kind of accountability! I am gonna call it BS for Body and Soul. I like the irony!! HA!!!!

I am leaving y'all with the first picture after losing wt where I saw myself and for the first time I liked what I saw. I want to get back to that!!

 This is with Anna Claire, my neecy poo :)
Here I am holding both of my nephews :) I am in my skinny jeans and this was the day I put them on and they fit and I was soo excited!!! Can't wait to get those back on!!!!!

1 comment:

wallacefamilyblog said...

I seriously could have written almost every single little detail of your post-I wish we lived closer and I think we would be good friends that could motivate each other! I have also been having a crappy week and know that well the scales probably wont tell me good news and have been beating myself up. I so feel your pain. I think we should give each other some accountability what do you think?? Any ideas?? Would love a partner to kick my butt into rhythm! Losing weight is hard work but we can do this girl!