Sunday, September 19, 2010

struggling!!

Yep, I am struggling!! Noah went to bed lastnight and got up at 11 and 3! Then he got up at 7 for the day! I decided that if his naps fell right I would try to go to an outside church service in downtown. It worked out that Noah woke up from his first nap around 9:30, so I had just enough time to get him ready and head out the door. It was SUPER hot outside and I was thankful when a couple pulled me under a tent. I enjoyed the service and especially the music. My bff was singing in the praise team. I won't lie it was very hard. I had to find a parking spot and during buggy days that is hard. Then I had to get Noah's stroller out, my chair, and his bag out. And of course Noah in his carseat. Then I pushed him to the church while I held the chair. Doing all of this without Todd was super hard. I think when I left I was soaked in sweat. I wanted to go to buggy days, but I didn't want Noah in the heat any longer....so I loaded up all that stuff and we went home. Noah napped a little in the carseat.

When we got home I fed Noah and then worked on Nap #2!! I was exhausted and praying that his two hour nap yesterday would be a repeat today. No such luck! I put him down, he cried for 6 minutes, I soothed him and put him down again, he cried for 12 minutes, I soothed him..which this time took a while...then put him back down and he slept for about 45 or so minutes. Honestly, I was so tired I can't remember the exact times. I napped and then when Noah got up so did I.

Well enough with the whole schedule thing. Let's get real here! Let's talk about how today I am a basket case. AF is here and I am sure that doesn't help my emotions or my energy level. And along with AF is a headache that just won't quit.

I just feel so alone right now!!! Todd has been working all weekend and I am trying so hard with Noah. I just feel like I am out of energy and motivation. A few ppl have kinda made fun of my "schedule" and so that has just taken me down even more. And I don't really have anyone to call to help me out right now. So basically I just called Todd with tears running down my face! I felt even worse for calling him b/c he is at work and well.....who wants to hear ur loved one cry while u are at work and can't really do anything to help.

I know this is just my hormones and my sleep deprivation!! However, it still hurts all the same!! And bless Noah's little heart. He is in the floor playing and happy as can be. It could be worse he could be super fussy and then I would really be crying.

And now all I can think is how am I going to get Noah out in the future??? I have already had my MIL tell me that just b/c Todd is working it it doesn't mean I can't go to church without him. I am nervous b/c today was really really hard on my own!! And I just don't have the extra energy to give at the moment. I really just need something to eat and a nap!! I am sure once I fulfill some of my basic needs I will be a bit better.


Sorry to be a debbie downer, but I just had to vent...that is what my blog is for, right???
I am just asking that y'all please pray for me!! Pray for God to help me! Thanks so much!! Love y'all!!! xoxoxox

7 comments:

Amber said...

I am so sorry. I will back you up 100% that the schedule is not crazy! We've had a few people make comments, too, but I know that if I stick with it, Drake will be a great sleeper. Have you looked at Babywise at all? Elaine at www.faithfullyinfertile.com is starting some posts about babywise. She helped me when I was trying to get Drake on a schedule. If you want to chat, I'd be happy to give you my phone number. :-)

The Chudzick's said...

Awww...hang in there! Every new mom has totally been there and if they claim they haven't, they're lying! :) I remember wondering if my kid was the only one that would do this or that and how frustrated I would be. The one thing I can guarantee you is that this won't last forever, I PROMISE! You'll move on to new challenges (like your beautiful daughter throwing the BIGGEST fit in Target and you're practically, maybe even literally, running out of the store in embrassment).

You know what's best for your child and you will always do and try what's best for him. If people make fun of you ignore them (I know much harder said than done). Stick to your guns, your son, and you, will benefit from all your hard work!

Jenn said...

You are doing a wonderful job! I have been like you are feeling, my husband does shift work and it is hard. You just work through it and if you need to cry-cry. It always makes me feel better(at least until I get a headache from crying!)

Keep working on your schedule! It took my daughter at least 3 weeks to figure out that everything happens at the same time everyday(we still struggle with naps some days).

Next time Todd has a few hours of doing nothing, get him to watch Noah and get a nap. I did that today and got at least 2 straight hours and it helped.

Keep your head up and remember Noah loves you no matter what.

kate said...

I just wanted to share that I'm struggling, too. I call my husband crying all the time, begging him to come home and help. And don't listen to people making fun of your schedule-- you have to do what works for you! It is incredibly hard to manage a baby on your own with not much support in place. You just have to know that you are doing what you need to do to be the best mama to him that you can be-- you know he's safe and happy and secure: the rest is gravy.

Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in feeling overwhelmed sometimes...

(oh, and as for getting out, does your local library have a Book Babies program (or something like it)? I don't know that at this age my boys get much out of it, but I have found that useful for giving me an excuse to get out of the house and chat with other local mamas (plus it's a place to go where no one cares if your baby gets fussy because it's a room full of other parents who understand what it's like to have a fussy baby!). Also, usually on a weekday morning there's plenty of close parking, so it's not so hard to get out with my boys... and as you know, as hot as it is down south, it doesn't hurt that the library is air conditioned! Just an idea in case that might be an option for you.)

Melissa said...

Sorry your having a rough day! Don't let peoples comments about your schedule bring you down. I don't understand why someone would make fun of that....the ultimate goal is to have your child on one!!! I know its tough, I don't think Cassie was on a good schedule till more like 6 months. Hang in there, keep doing what your doing!

shauna said...

Girl, I know it's exhausting when a baby is not sleeping! Jakob went through a few times like that where he'd sleep good, then he'd be up a couple times a night. He didn't get on a good schedule till he was about 8 or 9 months old, so I can't really help you with the schedule thing. What I would say is if you feel like trying to follow a schedule is working then keep doing it. If you feel like it's making you more stressed and doing the exact opposite of what you need then stop. It's not worth you being stressed out. I know part of your problem is just that your hubby is working all weekend. When Jeremy has those times and I don't get a break I usually have a breakdown too :) About church...I would really encourage you to go and if you're comfortable put Noah in the nursery (if you don't know people there then you may want to get to know people first). When I was going to church by myself it was so nice even though I struggled to get there to drop Jakob off in the nursery and sit and be able to think for a little while and listen to the sermon. Just remember everyone's had a different experience in parenting and don't get too stressed if things aren't going according to the book :) (that's why I didn't read many books because I knew I would stress!!!)
Love ya and hope you have a better day today <3

momof5girls said...

Aaw sweet girl, I'm so sorry you're so stressed. Please take time to pray and ask the Lord to help you calm down. You know, I know that a lot of people are great with schedules, others of us work better making up our own. Please try to remember that Noah is the child that you have begged God for for so long and Satan would love nothing better than to steal your joy. Dana, if he is a healthy boy whose been fed and changed, kiss him, lay him down and go turn on your music and vacuum or something for a while to drown out the tears. It will help him realize that he will survive a nap with out being in mommie's arms. If you are truly as stressed as it sounds, it is far better to do that than be at the breaking point. I remember I was 8 1/2 hours from the nearest family when I had Shauna and Amber, but then Kara came along and I had two in elementary and Robert worked from 2:30 to after midnight. I remember one night I could just feel the icy fingers creeping up my neck from stress and just plain weariness. Every time I'd lay Kara (3 months)down she'd wake up crying and then the others would wake up crying because the baby was keeping them up. I finally made her a pallet on the sofa, turned on a good old southern gospel tape (yes tape, that old) and got out the vacuum and got to work. It relaxed me, lulled all the girls to sleep and seemed to let her know that she could survive and sleep. I know that is hard to do, but it is better than being so upset that you can't enjoy the most wonderful thing in your life. Also please remember that it won't last forever; it will pass. Last of all remember that there are people out here who love you and don't mind hearing you vent. Don't ever let anyone make you feel unsure about a matter you have prayed about. We are all different and different things work for us all. Sometimes we put too much emphasis on preconceived notions, where our own or someone elses. Remember, you know way more about being a mom than Noah does being a baby ;) Love him, feed & change him and he'll be fine. Love you and praying! Arlene