Sunday, April 18, 2010

Four years later!!!

I was sitting on the couch (my couch now has a dent in it from where I have been sitting) this morning right before Todd left for work. After he leaned in and gave me a sweet kiss goodbye I realized something!! We are FINALLY where we have been wanting to be!

I graduated from Grad school in May of 06' and it was then that Todd and I decided to really start working on having a family. Well, we kinda decided this at the beginning of my last semester in Jan. 06. We both agreed that I would stay at home with all the kiddos we would have...so easily and fast..might I add. We were sure that "it" would happen right away!!! Obviously I was wrong! I applied for a few jobs but secretly hoped they would all fall through b/c of said plan above. And they all did!! I was super content with working on making my new role a mommy role! It seemed like as soon as we decided to start ttc someone very close to us got pregnant!!! Then all of a sudden I could hear the clock ticking!!! Louder and Louder and somehow I knew in the way way back of my heart that this was going to be harder than we thought.

Now after many years of ttc, tons of being told to just relax, lots of medicine/shots/ultrasounds., and TONS of prayers we are where we wanted to be four years ago!!! But now looking back I know that I WOULD NOT change a thing! I know that sounds crazy, but this journey has taught me so much about myself. Not to mention it has totally changed my relationship with God. I actually learned how to love myself and be okay with being by myself. I started out staying at home and hating it, but now I LOVE it!! I also started out knowing the Lord, but not relying on Him. Through this I realized just how much I need HIM!!! How much I love HIM and how lost I am without HIM!!! It seems like God knew what Todd and I wanted and started molding us into the parents He wanted us to be right away! And I am not saying it wasn't not the HARDEST thing I have ever been through b/c it was and it has changed me forever! I will always look at a child and see the miracle that child truly is! I will always be an infertile woman!!! I mean even after Noah is here I won't be like other fertile women and be able to plan our second child out like clockwork!

All in all, it is fitting that Noah is due in May b/c that is when I graduated 4 years ago! And thus the 'journey for Noah' began!!!! Thank you Lord for seeing the bigger picture, for giving us the strength to make it here, the stubborness to keep going even when it seemed hopeless, and all of the love and support not only from You but from all of my sisters out there dealing with IF!!

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5

2 comments:

Melissa said...

Totally agree with you in that the infertilty journry makes you lean not on our own understanding but to lean on God and trust in his plan and that he is always in control. It also brought me closer to God and made me trust him in everything.

The Patterson's said...

Our couch still has a dent from all the sitting I did during my pregnancy. You won't be sitting much when little Noah arrives. :-)

Amen on the infertility journey! God is so good...all the time.