Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Winter blues!!

I have really been feeling the "winter blues" lately! I just feel so alone lately...when Todd is at work. I know that I have a lot of family and friends that love me and are there for me, but I just cannot seem to find the motivation to get out of this house!!! I guess you could say this is one of the down falls of not working. Although there are MANY upsides to being able to stay at home too!! So I am not complaining, just having a hard time getting myself in gear!

I am not sure what to do except for me to get going first thing in the morning. I know that has worked in the past. As soon as I get up I just need to have a plan for the day and go ahead and get started. And I am ashamed to say if I don't do that then I will end up on the couch for most of the day and then that makes me feel even worse!!!!

Today has been one of those days! Todd didn't have to go to work til later so we really just bummed around the house this morning and then when he left I couldn't help but start crying!! I just dreaded being alone and being so unproductive! And I am sure if you have never dealt with depression you have no idea what I mean. I have dealt with depression since I was a teenager so it is a part of me and I have had to learn to deal with it. And b/c I chose to come off of my antidepressant while I am pg with Noah..it has been harder! I have always wished I was the kind of person that was super motivated and never stopped going!! However, it seems that I didn't get that gene!!! I think my sister got it!!!

The reason this has been bothering me is I worry about Noah! I worry if it is affecting him now and I worry about the future. I don't want to model this behavior of being unmotivated to him!!! I know that I will get back on my medication when I can and I know that will help..plus I won't have a choice once Noah gets here as to whether or not I will spend the day on the couch. I know that I will be up and taking care of him and I look so forward to that!!! I cannot wait to get up and see his sweet face!! I am even looking forward to changing his diaper! I am looking forward to it ALL!!!! So now I am going to get up off of this couch and try to start doing something!!!!!!! We will see how that goes!!!

5 comments:

Prayingforamiracle said...

It must be hard being off the meds while you are prego. All the hormonal changes must be overwhelming at times. But, I think how you are feeling is totally normal. It is okay to stay home and rest. You are being productive, your body is preparing for the greatest miracle. Our daughter is 8 months now and I still have those days that I just stay home all day. I do admit that having a plan the night before helps me get going. Just don't beat yourself up about it. Don't be ashamed, you're God's girl, and he wouldn't want that.

Prayingforamiracle said...

Patchwork Puppy on sale at the Gap

Dana said...

I did see where the bedding is on sale!!! My MIL has said she got it all for my shower!!

Nicole said...

this is my 2nd pregnancy and my depression has been much worse this time. last time i came off antidepressants and was happy the whole time. this time, bunches of days grouped together where I just feel done, and I have to shut down to stop from hurting from the sadness. I think its odd, everyone is so aware of post pardum(spelling?) depresssion yet living with it while pregnant is largely ignored. exercise has helped...

Prayingforamiracle said...

Yeah! I think that bedding is just adorable. Glad she picked it up for you guys.