Sunday, October 4, 2009

Go back to bed and start this day all over again!!!!!

As Joni said to me on the phone today, "this is one of those days when you need to go back home, go back to sleep and wake up and start the day all over again" And it has exactly been that day and I had decided that before 11. I was so psyched this morning when I woke up and was ready to go to church. Ya see Todd works every other sunday so I am all alone on the sundays that he has to work. We joined our church last December and we aren't the best at getting to know everyone. Todd and I are VERY shy and aren't the type of ppl to run up and start conversations with strangers. Needless to say I get pretty nervous about the sundays that I go it alone. Last night I told God about how I was scared and nervous about church and how I was debating on skipping all together. I asked for His help and went off to sleep. When I woke up this morning ready to go to church I was very thankful that God had taken my fears away.

Then I went to sunday school. I really like my class, the teacher is super sweet and super genuine. He always makes it a point to make everyone feel welcome and he is just one of those ppl that puts you at ease when you chat. Our class is pretty big, but a lot of the ppl in our class do other things in the church (like teach another class) and cannot come every sunday. Usually there are about 5 ppl that come every sunday and then other ppl rotate coming to class. Every sunday there is someone new to me in class. Today we had a lot of ppl come and of course I started getting nervous when everyone was chatting and I was just sitting there. Then I had a lady sit beside me and chat with the guy on the other side of me. So that was awkward and I wasn't sure if I should stare at the ceiling or just listen in on their conversation. I felt really out of place. Then FINALLY the class began! After class I was upset and I am sure my hormones had a lot to do with this. I just kept telling myself not to cry..not to cry. I went straight to my car and left. I didn't even go to the church service. Then on the way home I went the wrong way (due to pg brain) and had to turn around...when I did start to turn a jeep behind slammed on his brakes and it sounded like a cat screeching. I was scared to death I was about to get hit. Thankfully, I did not get hit, but then I started to tear up again and lost it!!!!

And I am upset with myself b/c here I am at this church for almost a year and I still feel like an outsider. I just wish I was more outgoing! I feel like if I was then I wouldn't have this problem. It is difficult starting at a new church. I went to my church since I was little and I knew EVERYONE! Now as Todd and I start our own life at this church I wonder if it will ever be like my life at my home church. I just wish I knew what to do. There is this part of me that wants to just go to my sister's church b/c at least I would know more ppl and not have to deal with all these nerves. Don't get me wrong I know church is not a popularity contest..and I love our church. I know church is all about worshipping our amazing Lord and Saviour! I am just having some trouble with the fellowshipping part. And I hate feeling so alone at church! I really wish Todd did not have to work every other sunday. Can't we go back to the days when everything was closed on sundays!!!

Well, hopefully this day will get better. I am happy that today I am 9 weeks pregnant!!! I will post some belly shots this afternoon. I hope everyone else had a better sunday than I have had so far :D


wannabemommy said...

thats how i was at my church at first, i used to get so upset because everyone was friendly, but not welcoming? i dont know how to explain it, i just didnt FEEL right there...

Michelle said...

I hope your day gets better!