Sunday, September 20, 2009

Ramblings!!!

My hormones have been making me crazy! Well, that is my excuse anyways! I took my last antidepressant on Saturday so I am a little stressed about getting depressed. How could I be depressed you ask..well I ask myself the same question! But I have dealt with depression since I was a teenager and I have kind of always known I would be on meds to help with it. I decided when it was time for a refill that I would come off of the medicine and atleast stay off for my pregnancy. Then if I breastfeed and still need to stay off the meds I will. I am not sure how that all works. I knew it was going to be a struggle, but I knew God would get me through it all. However, I have been distant from God lately. It is like I don't know how to act around Him when I am happy. I know it sounds crazy, but I have dealt with IF for so long that I just don't really know how to feel pregnant. Ya know? I definitely know how to feel infertile...I have that down completely. I know I need to work on getting back to hanging out with God like I did before I was pregnant. So needless to say I have been having some crazy roller coaster emotions...I am like that song..hot then cold..yes then no..in then out...up then down!!! I am also sooo unmotivated and that bugs me b/c my house is a wreck! I have been a slob lately!

I went to my parent's house today and that made my mood so much better. I think I just needed to get out of the house and get some good old loving! Then I met Todd at work and we went to get some grub! I was motivated after all of that so I came home and started cleaning. I talked Todd into painting a few things for me. I bought this tray and wanted him to paint it with chalkboard paint so I could put it in the kitchen. It turned out great..when it dries completely I will take a pic and post it! I have a feeling that Todd is my new antidepressant. Whenever he is around I feel so good. I love him soooo much!! He was so cute on the way home from the u/s. Everytime we hit a bump in the road he would look at me and say are you okay...too sweet!

And of course, when I look at the u/s I am in heaven. I take the u/s picture with me everywhere! I could just stare at it all day long. I feel so blessed and so overjoyed that there is this miracle growing inside of me. Babe has a heartbeat and that just amazes me! See I told you I can go from being mopey to being on cloud nine. Oh yeah that reminds me (sorry for changing the subject so much). Maggie tinkled on me the other day...yep she came up on the couch sat right on me and all of a sudden I felt something warm!!!! I was in total shock and so mad at her! So was Todd! Later we looked online and found out that sometimes when you are pg a dog will mark you with their tinkle to show ownership. Or she may have a UTI..or she may have just had an accident. I am going to take her to the vet this week to make sure. Wouldn't that be crazy if she was marking me?? I just hope she doesn't do it again.

Tomorrow I get to post again with my 7 week pics!! YAY!

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