Wednesday, September 30, 2009


According to Babe is the size of a raspberry!!! It also said that even though I cannot feel the baby that the baby is moving it's little armbuds and legs :D YAY!!

I am super nervous about Friday and so ready for it to be here already!! Thankfully, Todd is off tomorrow and we have plans to get a few things done around the house for the upcoming halloween party. There is always tons of stuff to do around here!!!

HaPpY HuMp DaY EvErYoNe!!!!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

8 weeks!!!!

8 weeks picture by my amazing husband Todd!! He did a good job! Please excuse the patches on my belly :D And I am sure alot of the tummy is made of bloating b/c I know the baby isn't that big right now. He/She is no bigger than a dime!! However, I will take all the bulge I can get!!!!!!

How far along? 8 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: then 126.5lbs now 130lbs (+3.5lbs) WOW!
Maternity clothes? Not there yet! But some of my clothes are tight in the chest region.
Sleep: I am getting good sleep, but still having nights when I have cold sweats that wake me up. Best moment this week: having pg symptoms!!!
Movement: not there yet
Food cravings: anything sweet sounds good to me
Belly Button in or out? In.
What I miss: my ability to think, I have totally lost that!!
What I am looking forward to: seeing Babe again this Friday and hopefully seeing that he/she has grown.
Weekly Wisdom: Eat what you can and do better later!!!
Milestones: Another week down, another week closer to meeting our little miracle
Symptoms: Tired, VERY sore girls, nausea off and on all day, very emotional, dumbness :D, aversion to a lot of foods, sensitivity to smell, backaches, and frequent potty trips

Friday, September 25, 2009

Goody Bags!

Just a few picks!

I finally got everything that will go in the goody bags for the halloween party and one thing is this cute little package of bat droppings :D It was just too cute to pass up! And I had to show y'all these cute pumpkin coasters I got at Tar-Jah! I bought like 10 of them and have them all over the house.
Changing subjects: I got this gift in the mail the other day from a friend. I LOVE Veggie Tales and I cannot wait to start reading this book!!
And of course this card says it all...isn't it cute!!!!

So far on the pg front I am excited to say that God has answered my prayers by giving me sympotms! Yes, I prayed for pg symptoms :D I haven't been throwing up sick, just queasy and I will take it! And nothing sounds good to eat so I am just trying to get down whatever sounds good. For example, lunch for me today was potatoe chips and dip!! I know that is not very nutritious, but I am hoping in the days to come that vegetables sound good to eat!! I have actually planned to cook veg. beef stew in the crock pot tonight so then I will have some good vegies!! Today I am 7 weeks and 5 days pregnant and I have one more week til the 2nd u/s! HaPpY FrIdAy EvErYoNe!!!! Enjoy Ur wkend!!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

It takes a village!

The other day I got a phone call from Todd's mom and she asked me if I would mind
if she came over on the Thursdays that Todd worked all day and help clean my house!!
I am not sure if I yelled YES or if I calmly said it :D She said that she didn't want me
sweeping, mopping, or vacuuming!!! And trust me it has not been done since before the
transfer!! So you can imagine the dust bunnies that have accumulated!!!! It is weird b/c
it is REALLY hard for me to accept help, but I told myself that I have to put
Babe first and not my pride!!!! So today was cleaning day and my house smells so clean!!!
Thank you soooo much Mom Livingston!!!!

Todd's Mom and a friend at her retirement party!

I am so blessed to have so many people that love me and want to take care of me!! I am not sure how I would have even dealt with IF without so many loving ppl in my life! I know that Babe is going to be spoiled rotten!! And I LOVE that saying "it takes a village to raise a child"! And I completely believe this..all of my amazing family and friends will be such an inspiration and tremendous support system for Babe Livingston :D I can't wait for our child to get to know each and every person that means so much to us!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I Heart Fall!!

It is sad when you pray to God to be sick :D Yep, that is right last night I prayed for more pg symptoms. Especially the throwing up kind. I prayed for it so hard b/c I have heard that being sick is a good sign. I know that all women are different and each pregnancy is different...I just know that I will feel better if I was more sick.

And low and behold I feel sick right now!!! I am not heaving or anything, but I do feel nauseous and my tummy just doesn't feel right. My back is achy and I just feel yucky! Yesterday I threw up and was very excited about it :D Todd and I went shopping for halloween party decor and we tried to find halloween costumes for our party. After shopping I was so hungry and feeling light headed so we went to Mcie D's and I got an oreo blizzard. Well that is what came up later. Those things only come in large so I kinda kept eating it when I probably should have stopped. I felt much better after I threw up ;D I know you love all these details.

I am pretty psyched about our halloween party. I am not decorating with gory stuff. I am decorating with classic fall and halloween things like pumpkins, spider webs and spiders, black cats, and ghosts! And Todd and I want to dress up as something funny, but we totally disagree on what we both want. We went into one store and I thought being raggedy ann and andy would be HILARIOUS! However, Todd said absolutely not! He wanted us to dress up as Zach Morris and Screech, with me being screech. I said absolutely not..hehe So there is no telling what we will come up with!!! I just love the idea of dressing up and of course having all the sweets! I am going to make tons of goodies from cookies to cupcakes! I just want everyone to feel like a kid again and have fun. We are even gonna have a smore's station on the back patio.

I LOVE FALL!! I am so glad it is finally here! Now if the weather would just cooperate!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I was never good at math!!!!!

I am soooo confused!!! And my pregnancy brain is not helping me figure things out, so I am hoping for some help from y'all! According to my last u/s the doctor said my LMP was recorded as August 2nd..however in my calendar it is August 1st. Okay then my nurse told me how far along I was after my second beta and it was on September 2nd and she said I was 4 weeks and 2 days! Then at my u/s my doctor said I was 6 weeks and 5 days on September 18th!! Which leads me to complete confusion!!! I thought that yesterday I was 7 weeks and I think I was actually 7 weeks and 1 day!! I am not sure what to go by and I feel like a total dope!!!!! And I really want to get the timing right b/c I want to document as much as I can! Okay so would you just go with what the doctor said at the u/s??? And of course there is the whole where babe measured at the u/s, which was just 6 weeks. However, the doc did say that at the next u/s it would be more accurate!

I am 7 weeks and 2 days today!!! I think :D I need to go back and make some adjustments on my blog posts!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Picture Time! 7 weeks! (and 1 day)

Looking back at 5 weeks! And now at 7 weeks!
A comparison!!
I can see a little bulge and I
am sure it is just bloating :D
But I love it anyways!!!!!!!
I just decided to make my blog open again!! I told you that I am indecisive!!!
Go figure!!!!!!

Sunday, September 20, 2009


My hormones have been making me crazy! Well, that is my excuse anyways! I took my last antidepressant on Saturday so I am a little stressed about getting depressed. How could I be depressed you ask..well I ask myself the same question! But I have dealt with depression since I was a teenager and I have kind of always known I would be on meds to help with it. I decided when it was time for a refill that I would come off of the medicine and atleast stay off for my pregnancy. Then if I breastfeed and still need to stay off the meds I will. I am not sure how that all works. I knew it was going to be a struggle, but I knew God would get me through it all. However, I have been distant from God lately. It is like I don't know how to act around Him when I am happy. I know it sounds crazy, but I have dealt with IF for so long that I just don't really know how to feel pregnant. Ya know? I definitely know how to feel infertile...I have that down completely. I know I need to work on getting back to hanging out with God like I did before I was pregnant. So needless to say I have been having some crazy roller coaster emotions...I am like that then cold..yes then then out...up then down!!! I am also sooo unmotivated and that bugs me b/c my house is a wreck! I have been a slob lately!

I went to my parent's house today and that made my mood so much better. I think I just needed to get out of the house and get some good old loving! Then I met Todd at work and we went to get some grub! I was motivated after all of that so I came home and started cleaning. I talked Todd into painting a few things for me. I bought this tray and wanted him to paint it with chalkboard paint so I could put it in the kitchen. It turned out great..when it dries completely I will take a pic and post it! I have a feeling that Todd is my new antidepressant. Whenever he is around I feel so good. I love him soooo much!! He was so cute on the way home from the u/s. Everytime we hit a bump in the road he would look at me and say are you okay...too sweet!

And of course, when I look at the u/s I am in heaven. I take the u/s picture with me everywhere! I could just stare at it all day long. I feel so blessed and so overjoyed that there is this miracle growing inside of me. Babe has a heartbeat and that just amazes me! See I told you I can go from being mopey to being on cloud nine. Oh yeah that reminds me (sorry for changing the subject so much). Maggie tinkled on me the other day...yep she came up on the couch sat right on me and all of a sudden I felt something warm!!!! I was in total shock and so mad at her! So was Todd! Later we looked online and found out that sometimes when you are pg a dog will mark you with their tinkle to show ownership. Or she may have a UTI..or she may have just had an accident. I am going to take her to the vet this week to make sure. Wouldn't that be crazy if she was marking me?? I just hope she doesn't do it again.

Tomorrow I get to post again with my 7 week pics!! YAY!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


PRAISE GOD!! We have a heartbeat!!! Here is the first, well second pic of our sweet precious baby!!!!!!!

Today was scary to say the least, but God gave Todd and I strength. Todd kept telling me that we had to get through this if we wanted the end result = a baby :D My hands were sweating the entire time and Todd and I didn't even open our eyes until the dr. said everything looked perfect. Then the nurse said do you hear that..that is your baby's heartbeat! I was in so much shock! Our babe's hearbeat was 125 beats per minute! And the doctor said babe measured on schedule and our EDD is somewhere between May 9 and 15. He said he could tell more accurately at the next u/s in two weeks. Then they discharge me and I get to go to another doctor and I am so happy about that. Todd and I are on cloud 11!! We are so thankful to God and want to give Him all the glory! And I would have praised Him either way today! B/c I know His timing is perfect. I still have this part of me that worries and was told that I would always have that...but I have decided to get excited and let go. I plan to tell EVERYONE!!!! And I mean everyone!!! So let the celebrating begin! I also want to thank all of my sisters (YOU) for lifting me up in so many prayers. I love you all so dearly!

I decided not to do this until after the u/s!

How far along? 6 weeks 5 days

Total weight gain/loss: 127.5lbs (+1lb)

Maternity clothes? Not there yet!

Sleep: I am getting good sleep, but some nights I have cold sweats that wake me up.

Best moment this week: hearing babe's heartbeat!

Movement: not there yet

Food cravings: nothing so far, but I do love some icecream :D

Belly Button in or out? In.

What I miss: Coca Cola :D

What I am looking forward to: Sharing this exciting news with everyone and of course the next u/s

Weekly Wisdom: God's timing is perfect!

Milestones: Ultrasound!!

Symptoms: I have been more tired than usual, sore girls, bad taste in mouth and nausea at night, very emotional, dumbness :D, and sensitivity to smells!

No Go!

Well, I tried!!! I tried to switch up my u/s appt. to thursday b/c Todd is off all day Thursday! However, my witch of a nurse sucks so she said NO! Todd has to go into work at 3 on Friday after the u/s and I have been worried that what if it is bad news again...then I will be all alone to deal with it. And I will only want Todd to be with me!!!! I should have known that my nurse would say no...she isn't exactly one to care. And she just made me so upset! I had left her a voicemail last night so she would get it this morning so she just called me a few minutes ago. And her words were "no ma'am you cannot do your u/s early" Well.....poo on you!!!! I will be SOOOOO GLAD to be done with this place. I hope that I remember correctly and I only have to be with them for one more u/s after friday's u/s.

I know that the hormones don't help any with how I am reacting! So if you are thinking okay a little overdramatic Dana...then just remember I am hormonally challenged at the moment :D And I know that I am b/c the other night when janet jackson came out on the VMA's for the tribute to MJ I cried like a baby. And I wasn't a huge fan. Todd was looking at me like I was crazy!

On a lighter more fun note. Todd and I are throwing a halloween party and on the invites it says that you must dress up. So I have been wondering what the heck am I gonna dress up as!!!! I initially wanted to do dorothy from the wizard of oz and Maggie could be my toto. But all the costumes I find look like stripper costumes. Any suggestions????

Monday, September 14, 2009

Soccer! ***update***

We had our first soccer game this wkend. It was fun! I got to sit on the bench with the kiddos and help make sure that everyone got a chance to play. The kids were so funny. After a while they were getting restless. Ya see we only play 3 at a time and we have 9 kiddos. So there is 6 sitting out with me. They were doing cartwheels and flips and hanging on the bench. I bet I said sit down you may hurt each other with your careful. Yeah, and with my soft voice they were like whatever!! So I had to get all teacher voice on them...hehe Then one child spilled his gatorade and was playing in it. For tonight's game I am bringing paper towels!!!! I was so proud of our team..the tadpoles! Even though they scored in the other team's goal a few times..and my niece was one of them that did that..hehe They really understood the jist of the game and did really well. We don't keep score for this age so all wins!
Okay here I am being all official with my folder! I didn't get to sit much until I got to feeling sick and then I had to sit down. my neecy poo is sitting right next to me!
There's my girl making a goal. Yes, it was in the wrong goal! But she got the idea!!
I am so proud of her! She got in there and played hard!

Todd got a pic of her while posing for the photographer.shhhhh don't tell..hehe
We have another game this evening and I am looking forward to it! I am so sick of being in my house!!!!! 3 more days til the big U!!!!!


Okay I had to update and let y'all know how sick I am today! It has hit me like a ton of bricks. Todd and I went to look at halloween stuff for our upcoming halloween costume party and on the way back we had to pull over b/c I was about to throw up. Todd didn't want to pull in someone's driveway (and I didn't either) so we found a pullover spot and by then I was okay. Then I bent over to pull the door shut and had to fling it back open to run out of the car and throw up. Well, I didn't throw up, but I almost did :D I am so excited about almost throwing up. And right now I am sooooo sick, but so happy about it!! Then I realized I am exactly 6 weeks today :D So let the sickness begin :D I have decided against going to soccer tonight b/c I am scared I will have to throw up and I am in front of everyone with nowhere to hide and I DO NOT want to throw up in front of everyone! So I am taking my sis up on her offer to sit in as coach. She is a sweetheart!! Thank you sissy!!!!! Sorry you had to read so much about throw up :D

Friday, September 11, 2009

Beta #3!!

10,554!!! 26dp5dt
The sad thing is that my nurse told me that this tells her nothing! Yep, nothing! She did the math on the phone with me and it sounded like my numbers should be anywhere between 3000 and 5000, so I think this tells me that the baby is growing and thriving! However, she said that your numbers can read a plateau at a certain point. Doesn't that mean that they start to stabilize and not rise so much anymore? Okay then what the heck?? Then she gave me the talk about trusting Jesus!!!! I of course started to cry! I know I need to trust Jesus! Oh well, I am going to just think positive about this and let myself get excited about the upcoming u/s! I have been feeling pretty sick today so I know that is a good sign too!

Thursday, September 10, 2009


I decided to make my blog private! As you all know I am a bit emotional right now and I don't really want to deal with comments that will make me even more emotional. So I have decided just to add ppl that love me and will show me nothing but love during my journey! Thank y'all for that!!!!!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


Yep, I hate fac.ebook!!! I just logged on and found yet another persont that is pregnant and far enough along to know that they are having a boy. And my stomach is so upset right now...and that huge clock started ticking even louder in my ears! I swear I always get caught off guard and it feels like I just got the wind knocked out of me..and I am pg right now. But I just don't feel like it is official yet and I know what it feels like to start the race and then have to sit out and watch everyone around you finish the race. It sucks!!! Why is it that this still hurts so much! I should be used to this by now, right? Okay now Friday won't get here fast enough. Please I need all of your prayers right now! I know that God has a plan so please pray for me and Todd! I don't know what we will find out Friday. I know what I hope to find out, but who knows! So I need prayers to make it through whatever happens! I pray that this baby is thriving and growing and will stay for the long haul! I am in tears right now over this! Oh I hate this...I have to be still and know that God is God!!!

3rd beta here I come!!!

I took another test, well two more :D and both were positive. I took the first test and it didn't do anything so I sat it down and waited and nothing.....I was determined to test so I grabbed another pg test and used what little bit of tinkle I had left to test again. Then when I placed the 2nd test down I noticed the first test was as positive as can be. I am not sure what happened, maybe me not being completely awake and being very impatient had something to do with it..hehe

And I am pleased to announce I am doing my 3rd beta on friday :D YAY!!! I called this morning and requested one since I was driving up there for the meds anyway. I also said on the message that my dr. said I could have more than two betas. I am so happy that I get to do anther one. I just want to make sure the numbers are doing what they are suppose to. I even added it up and my numbers should be somewhere between 2700 and 4300. That is if I added right. So I am hoping for 5000, I always tend to shoot higher!!! And considering I used two pg tests today I am glad I have a beta b/c then I can space out my last 3 pg tests until the u/s! I am a bit scared for friday and yes it is for the results but also running into my nurse. I am scared she is going to yell at me!! Or be rude to me about the whole thing. I really hope she doesn't b/c she does not want to mess with me right now. I am one moody woman :D

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

3rd Beta? Maybe?

I wanted to thank all of you for your advice about a 3rd beta and dealing with my nurse! I had to call today to ask if she had 2 patches that I could have b/c our insurance is not covering it for me and I hate to buy an 8 pack when I only need 3. Sometimes they have extras at the doctor's office. Well, I obviously had to leave my nurse a message. I got the call back from another nurse that she would leave the patches at the front desk for me to get! She transferred my call to another nurse. That is what the new nurse said on my voicemail. Neways, I LOVE this nurse that called. She is the nurse that is usually with me when my doc. does all those lovely ultrasounds. I am thinking about calling her tomorrow and asking her if I can get them to do another beta while I am there. I hate to drive all that way (1 hour and a half) just to pick up meds and then turn around and drive all the way back! She seems to be a lot nicer so maybe she will say yes.

I bought another box of pg tests tonight! I know I am crazy! But atleast I can take them when I am feeling worried. I am going to test in the morning :D And I figured that I can take one every other day up until D day! Or should I say U/S day! I can't help myself after going through what I did last time I want to be more prepared this time. I NEVER want to experience that again!!!!! It was the worst day of my life! One of the biggest symptoms I have had lately is moodiness. Plus I am coming off of my antidepressant so I am kinda on edge right now! Usually I am so easy going, but lately I am like super pms woman on crack :D hehe I mean the littlest thing upsets me. For example, I jumped all over Todd today for scaring me by throwing a pillow on my head while I was laying down. I was livid and poor Todd was like my bad! I hope I can keep it a bit cooler from now on. Other symptoms so far are: frequent potty trips, sore girls, super human nose and offense to certain odors, headaches, and lower back pain. I will soo update y'all tomorrow with a pic! Love to all my sisters. Thank you so much for putting up with me and my crazy posts!

Monday, September 7, 2009

Date Night!

Todd and I had a date night and I decided to bring along my camera :D Todd had to work on Labor day so we decided to go to dinner and a movie after he got off of work. Here I am with my "crack" aka sweet tea at Buffa.los!! I am LOVING drinking this considering I have not had any in FOREVER. And Todd enjoyed his diet coke too..hehe Isn't he a cutie pie!!
Can you tell I love sweet tea or what??? This was my treat!!!

And of course, our favorite, chicken tenders with medium buffalo sauce and fries..with RANCH!!!

After our bellies were full we went to see the time...trav.eler's..wife! BTW this movie rocks and make sure to bring tissues!! It is now on my all time favs list!!!

We had a great night and I look forward to tomorrow b/c Todd has all day off! I hope everyone had a great Labor Day!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Get up and get the stink blown off of u!!!

Have y'all seen the hop.e fl.oats movie?? It is one of my favs! There is one part that I quote alot and it is when the momma comes in and tells sand.ra bul.lock's character "to get up and get the stink blown off of you"...hehe I quoted that wrong on a friend's blog today..whoops.. I said dirt instead of stink. Neways you get the idea. Sometimes when we are sad and just at a point where we want to stay in bed with the covers over our heads we have to get up to get to feeling better. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

Yesterday, I had to make myself get in the shower and get ready. It was tough b/c I was having a I hate how I feel day. On those days I hate how clothes my hair feels, nothing looks good on me...and I am just ornery!!!! So I prayed for God to help me get my hair dried and straightened without throwing the hair dyer our the window. It takes me like 20 minutes just to dry my mop...b/c it is soooo thick! Then it takes me a good 15 minutes to straighten it and take it from frizzy to manageable! So I HATE doing my hair. But I HAD to get ready b/c I HAD to go to ATL and get my meds. Also, I was determined that Todd and I would have a good time last night!! Well, it didn't work out that way! We started off the evening running around in circles b/c we forgot to get my FIL's gps thingie. We finally got it and then we made a wrong turn...with the help of the gps. Reminder don't take it for it's word literally...sometimes it says turn left and all you are doing is going on a curve that goes left. Well, we actually turned left and if you have ever been in ATL you will know that this can be annoying. There are a million roads named peachtree and there are a million one ways and a million drivers that are annoyed by your slowness!! I bet we got honked at three times and one woman actually yelled at Todd!! So needless to say we were in an even more bad mood than before we started our trip!! We opted out of going to eat in ATL b/c we just wanted to get closer to home and small town living again! We hit up our favorite sandwich shop..fireh.ouse subs and went home.

But then as we are approaching our exit I realized that we had left Todd's truck at his work. And Todd was scared that someone would break into it b/c they have had some breakins lately. We ended up almost getting home and then having to go back north to get T's truck! We were both exhausted from the crazy traffic in ATL and just wanted to get home. As soon as we got home we took Maggie out and hit the sack!!! It was then that I decided I was getting up early to make Toby some bkfast. I felt so bad for not realizing my meds needed to be refilled and for making us have to drive into stressville!!!

I made my sweetie a good breakfast so he could start a good day at work! I think he really liked it too! Which made me sooo happy. I had 15 minutes to get ready for sunday school so I had to hurry and just do the best I could to make it.

Then in class I found out that someone in there had just been let out of the hospital with Yeah..I started freaking out!!! I even tried not to breathe too much b/c I didn't know how contagious it was. Then the conversation turned to h1n1 or something like that and how this was going around in all the schools! Yep, had a school teacher sitting right beside me! I almost got up and walked out b/c I was so scared of catching something and it hurting the baby. I held my composure and then high tailed it out to the car after sunday school. I called todd at work and asked him if I was going to kill the baby. He explained that I would be okay and that is hard to catch and that h1n1 is what they call the flu. I still was worried so I went home and washed my hands really well!!! Now I am exhausted! My nose is stopping up and my eyes are my allergies are coming to stay for a while :D

However, even though things didn't go as planned I am glad I got up and got the stink blown off of me b/c I am feeling better and at more peace. I prayed last night for God to give me peace about this pregnancy and I believe He is!!! So now it time for a nap and some cuddle time with my Maggie!! I hope everyone has a very happy labor day!!!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

A stressor gets replaced by an honor!!!

I can add dumbness to my symptoms!!! I just realized that I only have enough endom.etrin to last me through tomorrow..yep tomorrow!! And with it being a holiday wkend no one can mail it to me before Tuesday. I started to freak out! Thankfully Todd was able to call around and found a pharmacy in ATL that has it. So after Todd gets off work we are making the trip to big town to get my meds! I tried to call my doctor and no one has called me back. They sometimes have some meds that I could use til I can get my refill in on Tuesday! I am sure I have frustrated todd to no end today! He has spent his morning at work calling pharmacies for me. He is such a sweetheart! Also, my vivell.e dot patch will not be covered on insurance this next refill so we will be paying out of pocket. The only thing that comes to my mind is that is is ALL worth it!! I will pay whatever I can for my baby! And I know that I need to keep taking these I will drive where ever!!! So that has been my morning...however I did hear something that has given me such a big smile and a warm heart.

Remember the woman in the Philippines that Todd and I were going to adopt from, but given the current law there is no jurisdiction for a private adoption in the Philippines????? Well, she had her little girl on the 1st and named her DANA!!!! I know...isn't that awesome. I feel soooo honored and proud! In the Philippines right now there is a little Dana and I am so psyched! I just can't even explain how overjoyed and thankful I am that they decided to name her after me. What a compliment!!! I am hoping that I will get to see pics of her. Todd and I have been so blessed to even know this family. They are truly amazing! So I am going to be positive today...I get to go to ATL with Todd and I was privileged enough to have a life named after me!! Today is going to be a good day!! I am going to look up places to eat in ATL and tell Todd we are going to enjoy our trip into "town"..hehe. There are a few places that we love to I can't wait.

Friday, September 4, 2009

My blood is boiling!!!

I have decided that I am angry!! Yep, that is right...pretty mad. I am mad at my nurse and my doctor's office. Well, I am sure you are saying DUH right now considering the way I have been treated at this office. I am mad at them for a whole other reason!! I am not sure if I have said this before, but it takes a lot to get me mad. My nurse told me that I could not have any extra beta tests before my first u/s. She said I will have to stress like the rest. What a cold hearted woman!!! Does she even understand how hard this is for me. And what if I need to be monitored more closely..I mean I did miscarry last time I was pg and it was during this time. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this would be the time to keep an eye on me!!!!!!! So I have been forced to buy pg tests and use them instead. And these tests aren't going to tell me anything b/c they only measure a small amount of hcg and I need to know that my hcg is doubling!!!!! I am just so darn angry right now. Part of me wants to call and just make an appt. and get a beta test. The last time after my miscarriage, I asked my doctor if I could do more beta tests the next time and he said yes. Who does she think she is anyway??? I am so done with this place. I cannot wait until I can say goodbye to this place and get another doctor. And if I could right now I would!!!!! Man my blood is boiling thinking about this, so I better stop and calm down!! Just had to vent.

So far I don't think I have any pg symptoms. Especially not like the ones I had before. I don't even want to debate in my head whether I am having pg symptoms or not. I know that I have no control over this and whatever is going to happen will happen. I just wish that my nurse could understand that having a few more betas would give me some peace of mind instead of waiting two weeks and walking around like I am pg the entire time. I mean, one could get really excited during that time...and then find out there is nothing to be excited about. Here I go again..better hush up!!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009



Yep, that is my 2nd beta number! The nurse just called and oddly I am not relieved. I was praying for a 1000..I know I was hoping a little too high. However, the nurse said everything looks good and my u/s is scheduled for sept. 18th. Even further away than I expected. I am starting to feel sick to my stomach thinking about last time and how this was the time when my precious baby stopped growing. I am so worried that it will happen again and I am terrified of that stupid u/s, but I want the u/s soooo badly. I wish we could do it earlier for my sanity. I am sorry to sound like a baby..I am just freaking out a bit. I have really got to start praying and do some relaxing techniques so I can calm down. I know I don't need to be stressed right now. It is amazing how I went from totally trusting God to literally begging Him to keep this baby safe. I have got to get back on track. Well, not that this tells me anything (b/c last timeit was good too), but here is the hcg chart online:
It says I am above average :D So I must focus on that :D Sorry for sounding like eeyore!! Please keep me in your prayers. Okay now I am going to have to count out my meds and see how much to order to last me through the u/s!!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Just a little panic moment!

Two posts in one day..oh bless all of you for having to put up with me for the next two weeks!!! I went to meet my mil for dinner tonight and on the way there I kinda had a little panic attack. Not really a panic attack just a little panic moment. The last time I was pg I went to eat with my mil a lot at the same restaurant so I was kinda freaking myself out. Wondering is this just like last I going to lose the baby again. I totally freaked. Plus we all know that my diet makes me nervous and I feel like my diet could have contributed to my miscarriage. So on the way I am debating in my head what to order...should I order french fries...I should NOT order sweet tea. Yep, no sweet tea!! Sweet tea is my crack and I have been good so far. And I was good again tonight..YAY go me!! Instead of craving chips or ice cream...I crave sweet tea!!

So now I am debating coming off of my antidepressant. I mean what... it is only tuesday and I am already freaking out. However, I do have a plan. I am going to pray!! Pray..pray...pray!! And then when I am done..pray some more! I know I have no control over this so I just have to remind myself that a lot!! And I hate that my nurse said no to anymore bloodwork in between beta #2 and my first u/s. She even said I will have to stress like the rest. She is so thoughtful. Man, I picked a winner as far as fertility clinics didn't I?? hehehe It's like you get pg and then they don't want to monitor you at all. They monitored my empty uterus way more than this pregnancy. Okay enough ranting..gotta save some for tomorrow. :D

Good Movie Day!!

It is only Tuesday and I am sick of waiting..hehe I still have a while before we have our first u/s. I am thinking it will be sept. 14, but not totally sure about the date. This morning I had an appt. with my family dr. I ran out of refills on my antidepressant and have decided to start coming off of it. It is a very low dose anyway so I had to go and talk to the doctor and see what she recommended on weening myself off of the medicine. She gave me a good schedule that sounds easy enough to follow and so in a few weeks I will be antidepressant free. YAY!! I would have NEVER tried to stop taking it before, but the other day it just hit me that I think I can do this now. I know I can with God. The only concern I have is my anxiety, but usually I am good as long as I am around family or friends and occupied :D

After the doctor's appt. I went and bought some more pg tests. These are going to keep my sane next week while I am fiddling my thumbs waiting!! I bought the ones that have the lines so I can see if they are getting darker. Then I went to get some movies. The movie place didn't open til 10, so I had to wait a few minutes. I rented the hanna.h montann.a movie and I thought I rented the season 1 of true.blo.od. (I know what a weird movie combo, but I have seen every other movie in that store) However, I am an idiot and only rented episodes 11 and 12. I haven't ever rented a series before so I took the cover for its word when it said the complete first season...had no idea there were different volumes. Thankfully, I called the movie place and told them about my dumbness and they said I can come back and switch it out. So that should keep me busy today. Todd is doing his 14 hr day today so I is be all alone!! It is actually kind of chilly outside, which is weird for GA this time of year. But it does make for a good movie day :D Now if I can just figure out what to do for the remainder of my waiting....hehe I guess I will just have to blog alot :D