Thursday, August 27, 2009

Not one to hold a grudge!!

Yesterday my doctor called me. Yes...Dr. Jerk!! I am sure that the nurse told him that he was being a meanie to me and he may have felt bad. He called just to check on me...he said that he knows this is a tough time and wanted to know how I was doing. I was very polite to him and told him I was fine. Then he said he was keeping his fingers and toes crossed for me. WOW, so that was nice of him. He didn't exactly apologize, but I don't like to hold grudges so I totally forgive him. Wasn't it Peter who forgave the ones who were stoning him?? So how can I not forgive him for being rude. I am not saying that I plan to stay with this doctor if this FET doesn't work. I plan to move onto a place where my insurance covers all procedures!! But if this FET does work, then I will see this doctor for the remainder of my time with this practice. I am a little bit hesitant about that b/c I don't want to be on the end of one of his fits! So i guess we will see. I guess I can forgive him and still chose not to see him, right? Neways enough about that!!

I have been having a rough time with my thoughts lately. My thoughts have been constantly worrying about whether or not I am pg this time. I have been driving myself nuts. Then I remembered that I needed to be still and know that God is God!!!!! Being still for my not an easy task. So everytime I start to doubt I say BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD!! Is that verse in Jeremiah...I am not sure right now. Lastnight I couldn't get to bed b/c my mind was going 90 to nothing...and todd was coughing at decibel levels!! Instead of worrying I decided to ask God to come and daydream with me for a while. I had already prayed and asked him if he would like to daydream about the day when I have a child. I am sure He said yes :D Or atleast was super nice and tagged along anyway :D I could imagine so much. I pictured each day waking up to such a blessing. I imagined Todd when he was little and pictured our future little boy. How cute he would be!! I could see us doing so much together and I just got so many butterflies!!! Then I pictured me when I was little and imagined a little girl. Oh the bows and dresses she would wear!!! Then I pictured them both side by side...little todd and little dana..oh my heart was melting. Of course, I am sure that is not exactly what our kids will look like, but I could only imagine!!! That daydream calmed me down and somewhere in between picturing hair bows and footballs I fell asleep!! What a wonderful way to fall asleep!!

So I can only imagine, but one day it will be real! So far my symptoms haven't been much help. I have had to tinkle a lot more and then the girls are sore every now and again...and lately I have had this kind of lump in my throat. It is like I am about to get heartburn, but never do. I don't know what that is all about. Today I am planning to get out of the house. I am going to get Todd's paycheck :D and deposit it and then head over to this store I LOVE that monograms everything and pick out my friend a baby gift. Then maybe I will grab some lunch in the car and head home. My parents are wanting to eat dinner with me so I am psyched about that!! Todd is working his 14 hour day today so I am glad I have so much to fill my day. I have three more days til the beta. I am not counting today or Monday :D I am 6dp5dt! And I am not going to POAS at all! I don't even want to look at one..hehe


Michelle said...

That was very nice of him to call and check on you.

Still crossing everything for you!

Terri said...

Funny story about Peter. I thought it was Paul. He He !! Love You!!!