Thursday, August 27, 2009

Not one to hold a grudge!!

Yesterday my doctor called me. Yes...Dr. Jerk!! I am sure that the nurse told him that he was being a meanie to me and he may have felt bad. He called just to check on me...he said that he knows this is a tough time and wanted to know how I was doing. I was very polite to him and told him I was fine. Then he said he was keeping his fingers and toes crossed for me. WOW, so that was nice of him. He didn't exactly apologize, but I don't like to hold grudges so I totally forgive him. Wasn't it Peter who forgave the ones who were stoning him?? So how can I not forgive him for being rude. I am not saying that I plan to stay with this doctor if this FET doesn't work. I plan to move onto a place where my insurance covers all procedures!! But if this FET does work, then I will see this doctor for the remainder of my time with this practice. I am a little bit hesitant about that b/c I don't want to be on the end of one of his fits! So i guess we will see. I guess I can forgive him and still chose not to see him, right? Neways enough about that!!

I have been having a rough time with my thoughts lately. My thoughts have been constantly worrying about whether or not I am pg this time. I have been driving myself nuts. Then I remembered that I needed to be still and know that God is God!!!!! Being still for me...in my mind..is not an easy task. So everytime I start to doubt I say BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD!! Is that verse in Jeremiah...I am not sure right now. Lastnight I couldn't get to bed b/c my mind was going 90 to nothing...and todd was coughing at decibel levels!! Instead of worrying I decided to ask God to come and daydream with me for a while. I had already prayed and asked him if he would like to daydream about the day when I have a child. I am sure He said yes :D Or atleast was super nice and tagged along anyway :D I could imagine so much. I pictured each day waking up to such a blessing. I imagined Todd when he was little and pictured our future little boy. How cute he would be!! I could see us doing so much together and I just got so many butterflies!!! Then I pictured me when I was little and imagined a little girl. Oh the bows and dresses she would wear!!! Then I pictured them both side by side...little todd and little dana..oh my heart was melting. Of course, I am sure that is not exactly what our kids will look like, but I could only imagine!!! That daydream calmed me down and somewhere in between picturing hair bows and footballs I fell asleep!! What a wonderful way to fall asleep!!

So I can only imagine, but one day it will be real! So far my symptoms haven't been much help. I have had to tinkle a lot more and then the girls are sore every now and again...and lately I have had this kind of lump in my throat. It is like I am about to get heartburn, but never do. I don't know what that is all about. Today I am planning to get out of the house. I am going to get Todd's paycheck :D and deposit it and then head over to this store I LOVE that monograms everything and pick out my friend a baby gift. Then maybe I will grab some lunch in the car and head home. My parents are wanting to eat dinner with me so I am psyched about that!! Todd is working his 14 hour day today so I am glad I have so much to fill my day. I have three more days til the beta. I am not counting today or Monday :D I am 6dp5dt! And I am not going to POAS at all! I don't even want to look at one..hehe

2 comments:

Michelle said...

That was very nice of him to call and check on you.

Still crossing everything for you!

Terri said...

Funny story about Peter. I thought it was Paul. He He !! Love You!!!