Friday, July 17, 2009

There are NO coincidences!

Things happen for a reason. Hannah's story from the Bible shows me that there was a reason for her wait to be a mother. God had a plan the entire time and she had to wait in order to learn the lessons God had to teach her. She had to use that time to strengthen her faith and grow as a christian.

Let me tell you about my story. As you all know I am infertile. I have PCOS and don't really have the best luck at getting pregnant or staying pregnant. When Todd and I finally got pregnant after a FET we were overjoyed and when we lost the baby we were lost! I was very angry with God and I have had a hard journey to realize that I have to trust in the Lord and not stray from Him when bad things happen. It is so easy to just run away from Him and be mad. I did have my temper tantrums though!!! Through that experience I learned that I could have to have God in my life. I learned that like the air I breathe I need Him....well even more than air. Recently I find myself constantly chatting with God...when I am brushing my teeth...or driving down the road. I even love to dance with Him. You girls know about this kind of dancing. Music turned way too loud...hairbrush in hand..and you singing and dancing with all of your strength. I have learned to enjoy each second of my life.

I posted recently about a possible adoption. I haven't updated b/c things have been crazy and I didn't exactly know what to post. Long story short...the Lord placed a woman in our lives. Her name is Delia. She is from the Philippines and lives here in the US as a citizen. She is a very caring and dear person to me. She knew mine and todd's situation on the baby front b/c she works with Todd's dad. She has a niece in the Philippines that is pregnant with her second child. Her niece is Liezel. Liezel was abandoned by her husband and does not have the resources to take care of two children. She wanted to give her child a chance and give her up for adoption. Delia put us in contact with each other and I could see the Lord's hands in it all. I wondered if this was why we lost our baby and why we had not had a child yet. Could it be that this was the child God had been waiting to give us all along. I got to know Delia and her family from the Philippines. Her family is so loving and were so excited and proud that they could do this for their child. It seemed as though all was going to work out just like in a fairy tale. However, sadly it will not. After talking to three lawyers and finally being directed to a christian adoption agency I got some answers. You would think...well the mother can pick who she gives the child to right?? Wrong. In the Philippines there are laws that do not have provisions for things like this. The laws there prevent us from being able to adopt this child. This precious little girl. The sweet man at the agency, Jim, explained it all to me. Then I asked him what would happen to this child. He said that it would go to a Filipino family that wanted a child and I would have to pray and trust God to know that this family will be right for the child.

Even though my heart is aching. I was intent on looking for the lesson behind all of this. I have felt God in all of this and know that He is trying to show me that He is capable of a whole lot more than I give him credit for. I know there is a reason we have been connected with this family and sweet Delia. My emotions in the past two weeks have gone from 0 to 1000 very quickly and I am such an emotional person anyway which makes it harder. This really sucks, but I am determined to make good come from it.

How can I not...the Lord is working all around us and I am seeing it more and more. Even in the littlest ways...He is working His plan for all of us. Even today after I got this bad news I got good news for my brother and sis in law. My sister is working on a private adoption for them through some of her connections. So when your heart is aching and your heart is broken..when you feel like you cannot even make it another second b/c of the pain. DON'T stray from God. He is hurting just as much if not more. Try to let time heal you enough to get back to God. That is what I am doing. Okay..sorry this was so long...Love to all my sisters!!!


Jill said...

I am so sorry your adoption plans fell through. I just don't understand laws that keep a mother from choosing who will take care of her child! I will say a prayer for you all

shauna said...

My heart just aches for you and Todd. It makes me so sad to know what the pain of not being able to conceive brings and to know that you are going through it. I wish that we could hurry God along and have the lesson learned and have a baby in your arms. I know that God sees the big picture. He is working something great in your life. I thank him that he has given you a peace and acceptance that I cannot imagine having in the same situation. I know it's hard, and there's days when you can handle it, and days when you just have to cry and hurt. I want you to know that you're in my prayers. I don't always know what to say or how to be comfort to you, but you are in my thoughts.
Love you girl,

Laura said...

There's a great book called "Hannah's Hope" out there. I admit, I don't remember the author, as I handed it off to my Sister-in-law (who lost my nephew at 30 weeks). I found a lot of comfort in the book. Take care!

Michelle said...

Oh my Dana! I am bawling. This was beautifully written. I too have had my moments when I have become upset with God for "doing this" to me, but I have learned with the help of a lot of friends like you that God is there rooting and hoping for the best. He has a plan. I don't understand what it is, but He does and it's just trusting in HIm and listening to Him(that's the hardest one for me!) You are an amazingly strong woman and are an inspiration to me. Thanks for posting that and I'm so glad that I have found you!!!!

WaitingandHoping said...

Hey Dana. Found your blog off of Sarah Creamer's. This post you wrote made me cry--we too lost a baby after getting 2 positive beta's with ivf. It was May of 2008. I have struggled so much with anger toward God and have not wanted much of a relationship with Him since this happened. I've been learning this past year to not run from Him when bad things happen, but run TO HIM--and it's been difficult. I finally feel like I'm getting there though. What you said about God hurting just as much if not more really spoke to me. I need to remember that He wants us to have a baby more than we do! Thanks so much for speaking to my heart.

And I'm sorry about your loss and about this baby in the Phillippines. I pray God would show you the next step to take in this process. I know He is pleased with your faithfulness.
Blessings, Susan

Michelle said...

I have nominated you for an award. Check it out on my log. ((HUGS))

momof5girls said...

Dear Dana,
I'm so sorry that the adoption didn't work out. I say that, but I know that God sees the whole picture and we have to trust His timing. I don't know if you realize that you are being used of God in this whole big picture. I was really blessed by the comment by Susan. I know we have our own church families, but in the bigger picture you and other ladies are able to encourage and comfort each other in such wonderful ways and redirect each other, at weak points, back to the loving comfort of God. You know our Pastor's wife used to encourage Shauna with a verse, Proverb 13:12, Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life. Keep that hope and keep trusting your Heavenly Father. Love ya!

Amber said...

I am so sorry that the adoption didnt work out but I know that God has a perfect plan for both of you in his timing and I know how hard it is to wait for that perfect plan.