Friday, June 26, 2009

Back to Life, Back to Reality!

We are back from the beach and we had a blast. We soaked in the rays and the beach atmosphere! Here are just a few pics!
My sweetness!

Me on the balcony! We loved watching the ocean it was so relaxing!

Cheeseburger in Paradise!

Fun at Magaritaville

Painting Pottery! Todd's turned out awesome!

I was going for the more child like look :D

We rented scooters and also went deep sea fishing. Todd and his dad got sick on the fishing trip, but I didn't. That made me feel so cool :D But a 10 hour fishing trip was not my cup of tea. It was fun the first few hours then I was ready to be done!! We were able to meet up with my sister and her family for a day and then we met up with todd's family for the rest of the trip. I think I might have actually gotten some sun, which is rare for me. I am pigmentally challenged!

I was doing great and then I had a bad day. We were at this gorgeous place and all of these gorgeous families were playing in the pool and on the beach. I was watching tons of kids and babies looking so cute and having so much fun and I lost it!! I started crying at the pool...first I told Todd that I should be 10 weeks right now and I was sad. He held my hand and said what can I do to help...we can do anything you want. He was so sweet. I said I just wanted to chill by the pool for a while. Then todd's mom and sister came by and I told them too. I had been kind of quiet that morning and didn't want them to think I was in a bad mood and being mean. They totally understood and I lost it again and cried on Todd's sister's shoulder. Then we went to the room and I had a good cry!!

After the cry I decided to stop those thoughts and just enjoy the rest of vaca! We got home and I am glad to be able to get back on here and let this all out!! It was starting to build up! I am still not sure if I am going to do the FET when AF shows or not. I am not sure if I am ready yet. I do want to get an ultrasound to make sure that everything is okay. I am scared! I am scared of what it will mean if it doesn't work or it does and we loss another baby. It is weird b/c I don't want to give up, but I am scared to death to keep trying. Scared of the pain again. Other than all that I now have a mountain of laundry to do from the trip and am worried about Todd. He seems a bit down right now. I am sure this is just how he is coping, but I hate seeing him sad. I feel so helpless. Please pray for him! I really appreciate it!! I can't wait to catch up on all that I have missed with y'all!!! Love to my sisters!


The Unproductive One said...

Hon I'm so glad you had a great time away, it was probably just what you needed!

As for the "losing it", it happens, grief comes and goes and when it hits it can hit like a gentle wave or a full on tsunami, best thing is to just go with it, don't bottle it up let it out, just as you did, your nearest and dearest will understand.

As for Todd, men unfortunately, tend to get overlooked in the aftermath of a miscarriage, it's not done on purpose, it's just how things pan out. That and they nearly all like to put on brave faces and not admit that it's knocked them for a six too.....

I shall keep him AND you in my thoughts.

Much love my friend


Michelle said...

So glad you had a great time. YOu and Todd deserve it!

I'm sorry you had a down day, but I think that is to be expected. I will pray for both you and Todd. I hope that God will give you some answers to your uncertainty. I am looking for the same clarity and trying not to freak out for our next RE appointment.

Welcome home and I'll be thinking of you!!!

Amber said...

Sounds like the vacation was nice but sorry about the few breakdowns sometimes they are just good to get our feelings out:)

Ashley said...

It's normal to need to cry. You went through something awful. I'm glad that you had a nice vacation though. Take your time...when the FET seems right you will know!! ((HUGS))

Michelle said...

It sounds like you had a FANTASTIC time! I am glad you both deserve it! The pictures look so great I am jealous! :)

Becca said...

Welcome back - I missed you! What fun pictures! You two are so cute together. :) I'm glad you had a good time, but sorry that sadness followed you, too. As someone else said, it's normal for you to feel down and need to cry after all you've just been through. I think losses like this are something we never really completely "get over" - instead, we integrate them into our life experience as we learn how to move forward. Hugs to you, friend!