Friday, May 8, 2009

Mother's Day

Okay..warning...I am going to write about Mother's day and my feelings leading up to it. I dread this day..I know I am awful. And I do LOVE getting to have a day to show my momma that I appreciate her and love her. Although I try to do this all of the time!! It is just hard on me. And I am going to be a bit selfish and focus on me. Every year mother's day comes and I wish I was able to celebrate with all of the other mommas out there. I sit in church while the ushers give out cute little gifts to all the mothers in the crowd. They are asked to raise their hand and oh how I wish I could raise mine too. I try so hard to just smile and remember that today is for mothers and I should not think about myself. But it is easier said then done. Todd and I make our rounds hitting up my parents house and then his parent's house. And I try to not think about all of the trials and tribulations Todd and I have gone through to try to become parents..but as I said before..easier said then done. I want to give my momma a grandchild. She already has two..but I want to give her one!! I want to be able to connect with my momma on mother's day..b/c we are both mommas. I want to show her how much I learned from her that I learned to be a good momma from her!! It is not about getting any gift or any kind of attention..b/c I hate having the is simply about having the most wonderful, amazing job in the world.

As I was sitting here thinking about this post...I realized something. I might..just might be a mother soon. I could be pg right now!! Then I couldn't help but put my hand on my stomach and feel so much hope and love!! I pray that I am!

On this mother's day I am sure it will be just as hard for y'all as it is for me. I know this is a difficult time and if you are like me you just want to hide under the covers til it is over, but I am going to get up and do what I do every year!! I will celebrate my momma and todd's momma and yes..there will be some sadness in my heart...but I am going to push through and hope the day goes by fast..hehe

In honor of Mother's day I have to tell a story about my momma! Let me take a minute to describe my mom. She is VERY quiet and shy to everyone..but once you get to know her she will let you know what she is thinking or feeling. She loves her kids so much and can't stand to see any of us in pain or hurting. It literally makes her sick. And she is kinda psychic..she always knows what is going on or what has happened. She knew that my brother got a speeding ticket before he even told her. I guess it is that mother's intuition. So it is hard to surprise her!! My favorite hugs are from her. There is just something about a hug from my momma...I never want to let go. Don't tell Todd he may get jealous :D Okay onto my story. When I was in highschool I was on the tennis team..wasn't that great but I was on it. Well, I got bronchitis and had to miss a few practices. When I finally came back to practice my coach basically told me off in front of everyone and told me I was kicked off. Well, I am shy too so I was like yes ma'am and left to go wait on my mom to pick me up. When I told my mom she was furious..she marched down to the tennis courts and went off on this woman. My friends said she really gave it to her. I was soo shocked b/c my mom is shy like me. But I guess you don't mess with her baby. I was so proud of her and my friends thought it was super cool. Needless to say, I didn't go back to the tennis team. I am not coordinated in the least it was for the best. But after that I had such a different way of looking at my mom. She is my hero :D

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY WKEND TO YOU ALL!! I love y'all and I will be praying for everyone on this difficult day. HUGS!!!!


Michelle said...

I am praying that your wish comes true this time. I agree I think this is one of the toughest times of the year.

Becca said...

Oh Dana, I totally hear you on the Mother's Day thing. It is so painful because it represents something we long for so much. Our church does baby dedications on Mother's Day (talk about a double whammy!) and I realized this year that it was just going to be too painful for me to attend, so we gave ourselves permission to stay home from the service this weekend.

Your mom sounds like a really neat lady - I love the story of how she stood up for you! :) Have fun with her on Sunday. Meanwhile, I'm still praying for a BFP for you next week!!

shauna said...

Girl, eveyone dealing with infertility understands exactly how you feel about Mother's Day. It's a very hard day to celebrate when TTC, even though you love your own mom so much. Don't think your feelings are awful. I am glad though that you do have the hope that you are already a mom. (!!!) I told Jeremy that I wished you could find out you were pg by MD, but I knew it was not possible. We'll just have to wait and see... six more days! (easier said than done, I know) I love the Mother instinct that can come out in women. My mom is a sweetie too, but don't mess with one of her girls, cause she won't put up with it. The whole IF journey would be so hard without a great mom wouldn't it? I hope you have a wonderful weekend, try not to be too bummed, good things could be happening, even now.
Luv and hugs <3

The Carter Family said...

I wish I had your strength to go to church on Mother's Day. Since we will be starting our 1st round soon, and I'm off of antidepressants, we have decided to forgo church this Sunday and lunch with hubby's parents. His idea. He knows how it upsets me! We are going to stay home and maybe lounge by the pool! (weather permitting)I can handle a call on the phone to both moms! They understand how I feel.
Here's hugs to all mothers to be!!

Birdee said...

I hope that soon your will be a momma too.
I have so much hope for you.
I know that sometimes other ppls hope can make the crash feel that much deeper (at least for me it did), but I just need to let you know your in my Thoughts and prayers (always have been).