Friday, May 29, 2009

Bad News!

I have really bad news. Our littlebit stopped growing and we have lost him or her. Today was the hardest day of my life. When the doctor could hardly find the baby then said that it was not growing I thought I was in a nightmare. Well, I was in my nightmare. The world just started to crumble around me and I did not want to believe this at all. After so many tears...anger at God...and then asking for forgiveness from God for being angry I got up from the floor and decided to keep on going. I had debated whether or not to just lay there and give up. I even said I wanted to just throw my bible in the trash. I know...I was hurt. I just couldn't understand how God would let me get this far and then this happen. Our precious littlebit is gone. I don't have the strength, but God is holding me up and helping me make it through. The one thing that helps keep me going is that I know one day I will be a momma...whether it be with this next embryo or through adoption. I won't give up. My heart is so broken..so please pray for us. Todd is upset too...he was trying to hold back tears at the doctor's office, but he was strong for me. The nurse called a few hours ago and said my HCG was 6 so the baby has definately stopped growing. I know that this is going to be hard and I need all of you right now so much!! I am hoping that God will continue to carry me through this! Love y'all so much!!

27 comments:

momof5girls said...

Dana, I'm so sorry. I truly never expected this. I just hope and pray that God will truly let you feel our love and prayers for you both! I know I've never met you face to face, but I do hold you dear in my heart. I know our wonderful Lord creates these bonds for his children. I believe you will be a mommy some day and you do have these little ones waiting on you in heaven. Please use this time to draw on God's word and get even closer to Him. We tend to pull away when we need him most. Please know we are praying for you and Todd.

S said...

Oh flower, I am so very very sorry.
There are no words.

Big huge squishy hugs
S X

Stuart and Sarah Creamer said...

Dana, I am so sorry! My heart is breaking with you! I know how badly you wanted this and how much emotionally, physically and spiritually you have invested in this! Please don't give up. It is hard not be angry. I know...please know I love you and will continue to pray for you and your precious hubby daily! My arms are wrapped around you in the biggest bear hug and I am crying with you! Love and Hugs!!!!!

Becca said...

Oh Dana, no! No, no, no! My heart is breaking for you. There are no words. May the God of all comfort hold you closely in His arms right now. I am praying for you and Todd as you grieve. I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Stafford Moments said...

Oh sweetie this is so sad, I just knew that everything was going to be good for you and you would be a mommy. I don't really know what to say, but it is okay to be sad. Be sad as long as you need to be. I know that I have sad days still and don't understand why I have to go through infertility. You are a strong girl and have so much love and support. I hope you can smile and laugh again soon. Take care! If you need to talk just let me know.

Email - mlstafford26@yahoo.com

Rosemary said...

Dana,
I am truly so sorry for you and Todd. I wish I knew the right words to say... but I am thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers.
xxxx

Becca said...

Dana, I just keep sitting here, praying for you and grieving with you. Again, I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can't find an email address for you on your blog. When you are feeling up to it, will you send me a quick note at rebeccabain08 at gmail dot com? I have something I would love to send to you. You are heavy on my heart, sweet friend. Many prayers for comfort are going out for you, tonight and beyond.

wannabemommy said...

oh goodness i am so sorry! i honestly think i would rather have to continue trying then have to go through that.. oh you poor thing :(

Ashley said...

I'm so sorry that you are living your worst nightmare. You are in my prayers. I wish I could say something to make you feel better...but there are no words. (((HUGS))

shelly said...

We are praying for you and Todd.

The Unproductive One said...

Oh Dana :-(

I'm so VERY VERY sorry....I was looking forward to this pregnancy as much as you were I think and I was soooo happy when I read your BFP.

You're in my thoughts and my heart and I KNOW you have the strength AND faith to push past this, grive and then pick yourself up and keep fighting for you dream of being a Mum and making Todd a Dad....

If you need to talk, vent or just ramble....please email me childlessone at gmail dot com

Much love my friend

xxxxxx

littlesteps said...

I am so, so sorry Dana. I'll be praying for you and Todd.

Miss Mac said...

Very, very sorry. So hard to understand & can't imagine what you must be feeling. Thinking of you!

Stuart and Sarah Creamer said...

Dana, I keep sitting here thinking of you. My mom and I have been praying! I am so sorry! Please come over to the blog and send me your email address. I need to send you something! Love you!!!!!!!

The Patterson's said...

I'm hear from Ashley's blog, and just wanted to tell you how sorry I am to hear this news. I'll be thinking about you!

Michelle said...

Oh hun I am so very sorry! I wish there was something I could say that would make it all better. I know this is a terrible nightmare! Please make sure you take care of yourself. You are in my prayers. Sending lots of hugs!

thebigif said...

I know it doesn't make the hurt go away, but know that you are being lifted up with lots of thoughts and prayers. Sending you lots of hugs.

The Carter Family said...

I am so sorry! So very, very sorry! I will keep y'all in my prayers as I have done since I found your blog. I wish there were words to say to give you comfort and strength at this time...my heart breaks!
(((HUGS)))

babydust81 said...

HI dana...

My prayers are with you. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I hope/pray you and Todd will get thorough this sooner or later a stronger person. Take as much time to be sad and to grieve. After which I believe, you will come out stronger. YOu are a strong person..

Hillary said...

I am just so sorry. This is so unfair, and I know there's nothing a stranger like me can do or say to make it better. Just know that I'm praying for you--praying that you'll be comforted, that you'll feel peace, that what needs to be happen will be over quickly, and that something even better is just on the horizon. Good luck.

Amy said...

Dana-I am currently going through the exact same this. I did a fresh IVF cycle in April. My baby stopped growing. If you would like to email me, please do.
Amy-adallaire@nc.rr.com

Michelle said...

Dana,
There are no words to express how sorry I am for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Todd. You are right, God will lift you up and HE will be there for you no matter how hurt you are right now.
All my love,
Michelle

twondra said...

Here from Ashley's blog. I'm so sorry sweetie. You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. (((HUGS)))

Leslie Laine said...

Dana - I'm so sorry about your news. Know that you're in my prayers and that I'm praying for peace and hope for you.

wheathayes said...

I have tears for you. Nothing can be said to make it better. I can only hope for peace for you and your hubby. Jennifer

Birdee said...

Oh Dana, I'm so terribly sorry, I don’t even know what to say, there are no words.
My heart is so broken for you two. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I went through this last year and it’s so devastating.
I’d like to send you a personal e-mail, only if you want tho, but you can e-mail me at babybirdee@gmail.com
You’re in my prayers. ((((hugs))))

Hope said...

Oh my gosh, I just got back into town and read your news. I am so very sorry. My heart goes out to you. I know there is nothing that anyone can say that can make you okay right now, but know that I am praying for peace for you tonight.