Monday, April 13, 2009

My heart is broken!!!

Today's weather should've been enough to know what news was ahead. It has been raining here all day and it has been raining hard. We went to the dr. and I gave some blood and we battled the rain and went home. The nurse called and it was negative. I am not pregnant. I never was.. My heart breaks for my babies. What happened, what went wrong. The nurse said that the doctor and embryologist will go over my file, but she said that she looked over it and didn't see anything wrong. I was told to call after my full period comes and make an appt. for a baseline ultrasound and to ask the doctor TONS of questions. I can't exactly imagine this not working AGAIN! The thought of what to do...when...etc. terrifies me!!

I have been praying and one thing I talked to God about was how this fork in the road was coming up. One way was me pg and having this baby(ies) right before the Lord's precious birthday. The other way was unknown and I wasn't pg in it. I couldn't see down that path at all. Not even a glimpse. So I asked God two different things based on each path. I asked for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child(ren) on one path. And I asked for comfort and a glimpse for the other path.

So now I am on the OTHER path. I need to know that I am doing what God wants me to do. Does He want us to do a FET with our 3 embryos??? I just don't know. Right now my heart is so broken and I am lost. I do know that God has been looking out for me by having all of YOU send me so much love and encouragement over the past few weeks. And I cannot express how much that has meant to me!! My mind isn't working too well, so I am going to go...and weep...and hopefully get back up and fight some more!!! I pray that God lets me know if I am on His path.

Love y'all!!!

11 comments:

Jill said...

I am so sorry! I'll send up a few prayers for you. ((hugs))

Days of Golden said...

I am so sorry. I just recently became a reader of your blog. I can't even imagine how hard this is. My prayers are with you.

Rosemary - My Patch of Serenity said...

Dear Dana
My eyes are filled with tears reading your entry. I am so sorry for you and Todd. I cannot imagine the pain that you are going though. May you find comfort in the love and support that surrounds you, and may you find strength in God's love.
God Bless
Rosemary

Miss Mac said...

Dana- I am so very sorry. Praying for God to let His love & peace surround you right now in the midst of a 'storm.' Thinking of you...

Living With Loss said...

I am so sorry. You're in my thoughts.

Stuart and Sarah Creamer said...

We will both keep praying and fighting for our babies. I know exactly what you are going through. We will get through it...someday! Stay strong! Lean on the Lord- He is the only one who can get you through it.
Love and Hugs!

The Carter Family said...

My heart is so broken for y'all!! I had tears in my eyes as I read your post today. I pray God gives you strength and peace. He will let you know that you are on his path. I will continue lifting your family up in my prayers.

(((HUGS)))

~*~Bodhi~*~ said...

Oh Dana...I'm so sorry....honestly I was praying for you....

Give yourself some time to get this right in your head and then do as you say....fight some more!!

We'll all be by your side, fighting right along with you hon.

xxxx

Leslie Laine said...

Dana - I'm so sorry to hear this news. I've been praying for you and hoping that this would work for you this time. My therapist always says that each stop on the infertility treatment journey give us more information that helps us to know how to proceed. I hope that there is something you can glean from this experience so that you'll know what direction God wants you to go in next. In the meantime, I'll be praying for you. Take care of yourself.

Ashley said...

I found your blog through "I believe in Miracles". I am so sorry that you are going through this. I will say a prayer that God will lead your through this tough time in your life!!

Leigh said...

I'm also here from Nity and my heart bleeds for you - I'll pray that God shows you clearly what to do, because i know when you're in that middle ground, it's horrible...