Thursday, April 2, 2009

I'm Scared!

Right now I am fighting fear! We just got the call and they said there are 3 embryos frozen. Which is good b/c we didn't want an enormous amount just in case these two guys took this time. B/c we would not want the embryos destroyed at all. I would have tried to carry all of them if I could..of course not at once...but you get the idea. We both believe that their lives have already begun.

Let me go over the last few you can see where I am coming from. Well, the first day after ET...I rested the morning and then met a friend for lunch. While I was showering I felt so weak and shaky. I just chalked it up to sleeping through bkfast. Then when I was eating with my friend she said...hey I can't believe you are out...I can't believe that you weren't told to be off your feet for a few days. That sent me into PANIC mode!! I thought oh no..maybe I should be off my feet. But the dr. and nurses didn't tell me to stay off of my feet. So that started a heated debate in my head.

Then I started thinking again..which is never good. The embryologist never told us what grade or whatever they call it that our embryos were. So were they trying not to tell us bad news. Yes, I guess when doubt starts it pours with me. Thus began the search online for pics of embryos..and comparing them to ours. Look at me, I am already a horrible mother. Shouldn't I just be happy with our sweet precious babies?

I mean here I was all full of hope and ready for God's plan before the ET. Now I am falling apart slowly. I am terrified of not being pg. I know that I will make it through and I will totally lean on God. I just REALLY don't want to go through that. I can only imagine the pain!!

Also, I am not sure if I have a mild case of OHSS. It has been weird lately. Yesterday I woke up and weighed myself (I did it first thing that morning with no food in my system)...and I weighed 126.5. Then lastnight I weighed myself and I was 131. I was SOOO bloated. But I have had no problem tinkling and I am drinking the heck out of gat.orade..still!! Then this morning I woke up and wasn't as bloated...and weighed 129.5. Go figure!! I am also nauseous and have had some off and on mild cramping. I am thinking that the nausea is due to the progesterone 3x a day. I just have so many questions. Should I just call my nurse?? The only question I care about..she can't answer. I hate this!!!!!!

Here is my plan. Call the nurse. Then go to the word of God for comfort. I pray that I can find it. Please pray for my sanity :D


Angelwingsbaby said...

Hang in there. I know that all of the meds I have been on for IF have seemed to bloat me it's frustrating and confusing sometimes.((HUGS)) I have my transfer on this saturday, I am excited and a bit nervous.

Nichole said...

Oh Dana - I am SO sorry! You sound so much like me - I am a HUGE worry wart once I get started. My husband laughs at me most of the time and tells me that I have a very active imagination.

Hang in there hon - God WILL lead you to His words of comfort and we are here for you too!

Jill said...

wow... Oh honey, I hope you find peace of mind soon! ((hugs))

shauna said...

They didn't tell me the grade of my embryo's either, and I didn't even know they "graded" them till after the transfer, so of course I worried just like you. Your embryo's look very good. At this point they shouldn't look like dividing cells they should look like they're filled with water. -they look good- As for the staying off the feet, I think it would probably be good at least for your peace of mind. The doctor said don't do anything that would jiggle your uterus as you want to give your little guys the best chance to implant. I took it easy for the first three days, but I didn't stay on total bed rest. Just laid around and read and stuff like that. Don't let cramps scare you either, that can mean very good things. I kept thinking I was gonna start my period at any time... You'll be o.k. girl. Love ya and praying for ya.

Leslie Laine said...

Dana - I know it's hard, but you have to find some way to find some peace of mind over this next couple of weeks. It is really hard, I know, but it's the best thing you can do for you and your embryos. I think the best thing to do is just relax and watch something really funny on TV. I bought several Golden Girls DVDs after transfer and watched them all - it was great for my state of mind and helped me stay in a good place, especially for the first few days after transfer. Remember that no matter how many answers you get re: embryo quality, etc., you're not going to feel any better. You'll just find something else to worry about. Trust me, I know. :)

I'm praying for you and hope that you will be able to find some peace and solace these next few days. You've done everything you can do, and now you just need to take care of yourself.