Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Our babies :D

Meet our embryos!!!! They transferred two today and everything went smoothly. The only thing that was hard was having such a full bladder during it all. I can't believe I downed 1 and 1/2 ga.torade bottles before the dr. came in...and he was late getting there. So needless to say, I was FULL!! I actually had to empty some b/c it was getting so painful. I really hope and pray that they both attach and grow!! I am so thankful for these babies :D God is so amazing. The plans for the rest of the day are going to be CHILLING!! Then tomorrow I am having lunch with a friend so I won't be constantly thinking about those babies. Now I guess this is the hard part...waiting!!

Monday, March 30, 2009

Thank Y'all!!

Tomorrow is the BIG day and it all feels so surreal. I NEVER imagined I would even get this far..so I am still in disbelief. I am so bad, I am just waiting on something to go wrong. Not to sound like a downer, but with me...things are always done the hard way. It has always been like that for me..and Todd told me the other day that he just doesn't understand why I always have such bad luck :D So I guess that is why I am a bit scared to go ahead and celebrate.

I am now working on things to keep me occupied until the pg test. I am not sure when that will be..they will tell me probably tomorrow. I know that I am NOT touching a pg test at all!!! I will let them do the testing. So far I have a few things that I wanna get done over the wait! I started a scrapbook when Todd and I started dating..and actually that is how he proposed. We decided to make two pages for our book for each other on Christmas. Well, he wrote the sweetest poem on the first page and the second one said "will you marry me?" SO I would like to get it up to date. Then there is this book a friend gave me on how to be a christian parent. I will post the name later...I can't seem to think of it right now. So I definitely wanna read that....and we really need to pine straw the yard and get it ready for summer :D Which I won't be doing the work..hehe but I can be moral support for Todd. B/C I know after the transfer I am going to take it easy!!!

I also really wanted to thank you all for all of your awesome support. It feels so great to know that I have so many amazing ppl in my life. Y'all are a true blessing from God!!! Here's a flower to say thank you!! I took this pic one summer and it always makes me smile when I see it. I hope it makes you smile too :D Love y'all!!!!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Transfer Date

I got the call today and we have 10 embryos right now. They have set the transfer date for next Tuesday :D I am sad that we lost two embryos. I was already attached!! It is so crazy..how much I already loved those babies...and how proud I am of them for just growing. Every time I think about them I can't help but smile. They are so precious to me!!

I have been CHUGGING gat.orade like it is going out of style. And I am getting so sick of it. My favorite one is fruit punch..and I am beginning to hate it. It is making me feel like I have heartburn. Neways it is definitely worth it, so I will continue to down that stuff :D Also, I have been making it a point to eat protein with every meal. I am praying that I won't get OHSS. Or if I do have it..it will be mild and go away. Right now I feel fine. I am still a bit sore, but that is really it. I have been taking it easy and not doing anything too strenuous.

Now, I am a bit nervous about the transfer. I am scared that the transfer will reveal that I can't carry a child. I know that I am suppose to trust God's plan, but I still get scared and I am still working on that. It is like I get all psyched and then I make myself come down off that cloud and remember that tomorrow could be different. I know that sounds like the glass if half full attitude, but it is what helps me. Preparation is key :D Okay enough with the downer Dana :D

I won't hear anything else from the nurse about our little embryos. I am just suppose to go Tuesday and pray hard!!! Thank you sooo much for all of your support and prayers!! It means the world to me!! Love y'all!!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Thank you Lord!!

All I can say is PRAISE GOD!!!! I just got the call and 12 fertilized. So right now we have 12 children. I know that not all of them will make it, but I am just so thankful and so amazed. This is as far as Todd and I have ever gotten. And it just blows my mind that God put life into them. It is truly a miracle. You know I hope ppl understand that I look at this entire process as a gift from God. Yes, man pulled out the eggs and put the sperm with them, but GOD put life into them. If He had not done that then there would be no embryos. It would've been His will!! And I have been preparing myself for His will. I am still preparing b/c I don't know what tomorrow holds. I am just so thankful for today :D This is a beautiful day for me!!! I can't thank God enough!!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Egg Retrieval is done!!

I am so glad that the ER is done. I was pretty nervous this morning. I mean, come on, needles going into your ovaries...through your who who...OUCH!! But my nurse made it all better and was really comforting. Plus, Todd got to stay with me until I walked back into the surgery room. Then it was like a minute and I was seeing his gorgeous face again. I am praising God today for all of His blessings!!

They collected 14 eggs!!!! And I will know tomorrow how many fertilized. I have been downing tons of Gatorade and making sure to do lots of protein when I eat. A great friend told me to do that :D and it will help with OHSS. So far I am doing good. I am a bit sore and a little bit swollen, but I think it is just normal at this point. I plan to take it easy for the next few days. Tonight Todd and I are going into town to get some yummy veggies and fried chicken at our favorite restaurant. I am going to load up on the beans and chicken :D and I plan to take my Gatorade in with me to drink.

This is all so surreal. Right now, God could be putting life into those embryos. It is such a miracle and so amazing. I can't believe I have made it this far. I am so thankful that I have!! The ONLY way I made it through to this far is with God's help. Yesterday, I fellowshipped with Him all day!! I used to try to comfort myself with food, but now I am trying to replace that with worshipping God. Thank you so very much for all your prayers and super sweet comments. I love all of my sisters out there and am so blessed to have you all in my life!!

One more step down...

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

OUCH!! (edited later today...+ freaking out about OHSS)

I just had to write about my HCG shot. To begin with..let me tell you how my crazy nurse tagged my upper hiney to show Todd where to give the shot. The other day she pulled out a permanent marker and told me to pull my pants down (not all the way..just a little) I would be traumatized otherwise. Then she said she was marking where Todd needed to give me my trigger shot.

Let's just say there is a funny face with a freckle (marking the spot) and a sheila wuz here attached to it :D When I showed some friends I fell over laughing so hard and Todd thought it was hilarious. I have been blessed with her as my IVF nurse, b/c God knows how anal I can get..and she has brought some much needed letting go to me and my crazy self.

So last night I could tell Todd was a bit nervous. Which surprised me b/c he has given plenty of shots to ppl before. I guess me being his wife made it harder. Plus it is an important shot. After CAREFULLY mixing the meds and drawing them up in a syringe. I bent over and prepared for the worst. I am a wimp, so it hurt :D Then it was over with and Todd was running upstairs to get me a band aid. I love that man of mine. Oh let me get off topic a bit to brag. Yesterday, while I was sneezing my head off from allergies and feeling like my ovaries were about to literally come out of my tummy. Todd took great care of me. He rubbed my belly for me...which comforts me for some reason. Then he made sure to feed me. And that is really all I need in life :D He was a true stud!!

Okay so I thought the pain was over from the shot...OH NO!! This morning I woke up with the sorest hiney ever!! It has been so long since those days of getting shots for school...heck I don't even remember the last time I got a shot in my hiney! As for my mood today, I am ready for tomorrow, but plan to take today and enjoy it. I am going to do some light cleaning. B/c I am anal I don't want to do anything too strenuous..hehe *wink *wink Then I plan to take the LONGEST shower ever...and spend the rest of the day snuggling with Maggie!!

Thank y'all sooo much for all the prayers well wishes for tomorrow. It makes me feel like I am not going in there alone..I am taking you all with me :D Love y'all so much!!

***Edited later today***
I am freaking out about my Estrogen levels. Does being the in the 4200s mean I have OHSS?? Why haven't the dr's talked to me about this being a concern with my estrogen levels being so high. SO now I find myself googling E2 and OHSS. It is making me exhausted. All I know is that I have had pain from my ovaries growing so big and it is hard to tinkle. Then there is that stupid number!!! Okay, dana, breathe!! This is in God's hands NOT mine. I cannot do anything to change this. I have to let go!!!!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Thursday is ER day!! YAY

Well, we have a date for the ER. It is Thursday morning!! I do the HCG shot tonight and then get totally hydrated tomorrow and gear up for Thursday. My nurse just called and told me that my estrogen was in the 4200s so they are going to add a medicine to my IV on the retrieval day to help with all the fluid.

There are times like when I was reading the information about after the egg transfer that I get excited..ya know like butterflies in your tummy excited. But I am trying to just not think about it b/c I just don't want to get myself all worked up. I am a bit annoyed right now b/c my allergies are coming on strong and I can't take any meds for them. We have tons of pollen here and I knew it was going to happen...but hoping it would hold off.

My ovaries are so big right now..and it is uncomfortable. I can't imagine having a baby in there..I mean..I know the baby won't grow on my ovaries..but in that general area. I wonder if it hurts or aches when you are first pg from all the stretching and growing.

I am sooo happy that tonight is my last shot for a while..for a long while hopefully!! I gave myself a shot at the RE's office today in front of my nurse. It was a low dose of HCG to get things going. She watched me and I was nervous doing it in front of a professional. Afterwards I asked her if I did okay and she said it was fine.....but..she doesn't understand why all of us put the needle in so slowly.

Nothing else to report...just anxious for Thursday.

Monday, March 23, 2009

an update

It is SOOO time for the ER! I am just bursting out in tears all over the place.

Today I went to the RE and everything looked good. That is all my dr. really says..so I wait until i get to talk to my IVF nurse and get the low down. They are thinking there maybe 15 good eggs. There are more, but they don't look as mature. So she said if she had to guesstimate a number it would be 15. Which is more than I could have ever hoped for. I would take 2 great ones :D My bloodwork came in this afternoon and my estrogen was in the 2000s so they want me to continue my meds for tonight and go back to the dr. tomorrow for more bloodwork. I am really getting sick of driving all that way..plus it is near downtown..so the traffic is HORRIBLE. This morning I left at 6:30 am and didn't get there until after 8 am. Thankfully Todd is off tomorrow so he can drive me up there. I am so not a morning person!! I am a bit disappointed b/c I was hoping to do the trigger shot tonight, but if there is one thing I have learned in this process..it is patience!!! And all God's ppl said..AMEN!!

So back to the crying spells. We went to eat at my parent's house tonight and as soon as I hugged my momma I just started bawling. Then when we got home and I realized I did not have anymore Q caps..I lost it again!! Luckily one of my best friends was over here and between her and Todd I was laughing in no time.

I would like to document how I am feeling right now so I can look back on it and know that it wasn't some weird dream. I have never been so emotional and forgetful. My ovaries feel like two grapefruit hangin out in my tummy..then when I try to pee..they hurt..I know TMI!! My stomach is soo sore from all the shots. I am tired, but can't sleep. I feel like I am on edge all the time..like one thing could set me off on an angry spree or a crying spree. I am just exhausted by all of this. But just like I told my momma as I left her house tonight..it will be all worth it!!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Slow and steady wins the race!

Apparently I am slow, well my left ovary is anyway. I went to the RE yesterday and I have about 12 follies on the right and 4 on the left. The ones on the right are still a bit small and the 4 on the left are a bit bigger. So they decided to keep me on the meds and come back on Monday. I was really hoping that Monday would be ER day, but I am telling myself that slow and steady wins the race. We had to reorder some meds and hopefully they will be here by noon today. Those meds are SUPER expensive. They are like gold to me.

The nurse called me and told me that my estrogen was in the 900s. Whatever the heck that means. I really don't ask for details b/c I know I will analyze the heck out of it. All I care about is that she said everything was good. So I am good.

I have to say that I am getting so tired of giving myself shots. I feel like I get worse at it the more I do it. Go figure. And this is so not a complaint, but my ovaries are letting me know that they are growing some eggs :D I am so excited to feel that b/c that is the closest thing so far that I have felt to some life starting in there :D Well..half of it anyway.

I am a little bit nervous about the ER. I have been put to sleep two times before and I just hate waking up and being confused. The last time I was put to sleep I remember the nurse waking me up by saying "don't sleep the day away". And I kinda panicked b/c I thought oh crap how long have I been out sleeping. Plus I wear contacts so when I wake up and my glasses aren't on my head I can't see anything. Which is annoying!! I also hate that Todd won't be in there with me. I am such a baby..hehe

So I am taking this wkend and totally chilling out!! Or maybe I should say vegging out!! I don't plan on doing anything too strenuous. I hope everyone else has a great wkend and gets to relax as well!!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

So far so good!!

So far so good! My visit with the RE went well. The ultrasound was good and then the IVF nurse called me later and said my bloodwork was good. I don't really ask for details b/c I know that I will just analyze the heck out of them. So the less I know the better off I am. I just need to know that we are still moving in a forward motion. And we are. They increased my Gon.al F and set me up an appt. for Friday. She told me to read up on my H.CG shot before Friday...so I am hoping that sometime this wkend I will do the trigger shot...then the egg retrieval will be next week.

I am so grateful that I have made it this far. God is as always so AWESOME!! I have a praise too. My sis is going to start IVF too! I have been praying for them and I am so thankful that this is happening for them :D Like I said..GOD IS AWESOME!!

I am not sure if this is b/c I increased one of my meds or not, but my ovaries are starting to make themselves known to me. Kinda like how you feel when you ovulate...kinda crampy..but not too bad. I guess I am maturing some eggs. I pray that one of those eggs is going to be our child :D

Sunday, March 15, 2009

I need to carry an alarm clock around my head :D

I am trying not to freak out, but lately I haven't been on time with my shots. Which is driving me crazy. The first mishap was a couple of days ago..when I decided to get my shot ready at 2 p.m. b/c we were leaving to go to an antique market for the day. Then I decided to read the information packet that said to take the meds as soon as they are mixed!!! So I freaked and called my nurse. She was not at work so I called my old IUI nurse..I just LOVE her. She helped me out and calmed me down. All I could think was that I waisted medicine...EXPENSIVE medicine!!

Then the next night we had plans to go to this christian couples dinner. So I packed all of my medicine and all my gear and went to the event. Then around 6:15 I decided to go ahead and mix my meds and take my shot. I was so nervous sitting in that restroom mixing my shots. I was scared someone would come in and think I was crazy. I was so nervous that I ended up bending one of the needles of the shots that I have to mix into a vile with other meds. It is COMPLICATED!! The next day I started to worry that maybe I gave myself the shot too early.

Then TODAY..Todd and I are painting our guest bathroom and we are just a working...sanding and prepping the room. We finally finished prepping and decided to test out the paint on the wall...and then I saw the clock...it was 8:30. I freaked again..and started frantically mixing meds and getting ready to shoot up again :D I know I need to calm down and I have been telling myself that this is all in God's hands and nothing I do can change the outcome.

I know I am suppose to be trusting God's plan..but I have to share some of my fears I have been having. Well, you know how you always say..I know I will be pg by...thanksgiving..christmas....the summer...etc. Then when the event rolls around and you are not pg...it SUCKS!! So I hate doing that, but I realized I am. This summer we are going to the beach with T's family and I SOOOOO want to be pg by then. I want to go on vacation and not get depressed when I see all the families with their cute kiddos. I want to look down at my belly and see that BEAUTIFUL bulge :D And b/c of all of these meds I am losing my memory, I can't focus, and I can't get my words from my brain to my mouth. Did anyone else feel this way?? Or am I just crazy??? Yep, I am crazy :D hehe I go to the RE on Tuesday..can't wait to see if I get to move another step or not.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

T I R E D!!

I am running low on energy these past few days. I am sure it is due to the meds, but man have I been extremely tired. I am normally a bit tired anyways but I have to admit I have been taking more naps lately. Like today I ran some errands in town and when I got home I had just enough energy to change out the laundry and put a roast in the crock pot. Then I went over to my oh so cozy couch and slept for like 3 hours. I woke up and the evening news was on. The sad thing is that I woke up and I am still tired. So I made myself fold some laundry and finish dinner. I really wanted to clean this house, but I just don't have the energy.

Also, another symptom I have lately is that I can't eat much for dinner. Usually I am a good eater :D However, lately I have been sick to my stomach after 6 pm. It was so bad last night that I just knew I was gonna throw up.

Besides all of those crazy symptoms from the meds I am doing great. I don't mind the symptoms...b/c in the end it will be worth it all. Plus I am blessed to get to stay at home and work...so I can take a nap when I want. I don't mean to rub it in to all of you who work..sorry!

I started my STIMS tonight. I had to mix my Gon.al F, Meno.pur, and Lu.pron into one shot. SO far so good. I also started taking asp.rin too. I am praying for a good dr's appt. on Tuesday. Okay I am pooped from typing..so I am going to hit that couch again. Love Y'all!!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Welcome Spring! and....I step down!

I am officially welcoming spring b/c here in GA we are having beautiful weather. It is crazy here, b/c last week I was posting pics of snow and now it is around 79 outside. I have been LOVING this weather. The wind is just right so you don't get too hot. We are all dreading the summer b/c if it is already this hot now..we are in for a hot and HUMID GA summer. Here are some pics of my flowers that made it through the snow.

The sad thing is that this wkend we are suppose to have lots of rain and cold weather. So go figure..if you don't like the weather in GA...stay around a couple of more days and it will change.

On the steppin front :D I took one step forward. I am praying there aren't two steps back after this..but this is in God's hands. I went to the RE and got my baseline ultrasound and everything was a go for my SIMs. I will start them on Thursday. Then I go back to the RE next week for further monitoring. I had totally prepared myself for the RE to have to stop our process. I told myself that if something does go wrong then I WILL be okay b/c God is right here with me. I am going to try to keep that attitude. My tummy is so sore from my shots. I counted around 12 Lu.pron shots so far. And it feels like I have been doing some ab wkouts. Plus the meds make you feel like a big old mean woman..hehe And I started getting hot flashes last night. I was chilling in the living room with Todd and the next thing I knew my head was on FIRE. Then a couple of minutes later I was cold...CRAZY times!!

My mom's birthday is today...HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMA!! I love you dearly!! The fam is all meeting up at my parent's house to celebrate.

This is my beautiful momma with my neecy poo :D

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Honest Scrap ;)

An Award

I was nominated by I Believe in Miracles and by Michelle for the Honest scrap award. I was debating on doing it b/c I am really not so internet savy with posting links..but I am going to try it out. hehe

Here are the rules:

1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.

3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself

So here are my 10 things :

1. I HAVE to sleep with socks on!

2. I would rather spend all my time with my hubby Todd than anyone else, we have so much fun doing nothing together :D

3. I get so annoyed when someone pretends to throw a toy for a dog and doesn't actually throw it..then the poor dog runs off so excited and can't find the toy. That is so cruel!!

4. I secretly wish I loved coffee..it smells so good, but tastes so bitter!

5. I am VERY happy being a stay at home wifey.

6. It takes me like 25 minutes to dry my super thick hair and then another 10 to straighten it...ugg

7. I actually like the smell of gas...I know weirdo!!

8. I love watching sci fi stuff..like supern.atural, or small.ville

9. I wake up and will have planned out bkfast, lunch, and dinner in my head. I love food!!

10. I know that somehow..someway I will be a mom!

I am going to copy Nichole since everyone has mostly been nominated..so if you have not been nominated...then tag now you are!!!!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

What if God was one of us?

I cannot get that song...What if God was one of us...out of my head!!!

The other night I finally gave over my struggle to God. Throughout all of this journey I have always looked ahead and worried that I might get to that point where I wouldn't be able to pick myself up. You know like if IVF doesn't work...what will I do. And I mean that as..how will I handle it. For so long, I said of course I trust God, but then would find myself begging Him in prayers for a child. Like..all out...begging. Imagine a child who really wants some candy at the grocery store check out line. You have seen this child. Kicking and screaming to get her way. Yep, that would be me.

Then I just realized that no matter what..God would be there. God has a plan. A plan I have not seen or know anything about, but it is His plan for me. It was like I breathed in and then exhaled the grip I tried to hold over this. And trust me, I am no saint. I still worry. I still doubt. But then I have to remind myself of God's love and His plan. I think that this is going to be a daily struggle.

Like right now I have been super down. I know it maybe due to the meds. I just can't get out of my head. And there is this one thing that is bugging me. Remember me telling you about a friend of mine that got pg the first month of trying..which also was the first month of her marriage. It was so hard to hear her tell me b/c I was dealing with all the financial stuff with IVF and not sure if we were going to get to even do IVF. Well, I haven't talked to her since then. She is a very close friend, but everytime I try to pick up the phone I just don't know if I can do it. I really want to make sure that she is doing well and that the baby is healthy. She has some health problems and that concerns me. I have been praying for her and I pray that she is not mad at me or hurt by me not calling. But then again..she hasn't contacted me either. I don't know what to do. I know that my heart is telling me to call her and that God will help me deal with the can of emotional worms I open up. What would y'all do??

On the IVF front..I am awaiting more meds. They are going to deliver them anytime between 8 am and 3 pm..so that narrows it down..hehe. It is already 2 pm...so I am thinking more like 3. I go to get my baseline next Tuesday and hope to hear that all is a go. I have stopped my BCPs..Thank God. And have tried to remember my shots every night. I am getting more and more forgetful these days. And I was already forgetful before. So as you can see I live, breath, and eat IVF. It is what I am consumed with right now!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Snow Day here in GA!

Here are some pics from our first SNOW!!! We were so psyched that we actually got snow..and there was enough to play in. Y'all know that here in the south we never get that gorgeous snow. So when we were leaving church we were amazed when the preacher opened the doors and the music director told us to look outside. I haven't seen snow in FOREVER!! Of course, it is already melting today, but we definitely enjoyed it while it lasted :D

Geared up for the snow!!

Little Frosty..hehe

Snowball fight


Me with one of my best friends :D

Our backyard...YAY we finally got some snow!!

Todd praying for the snow to stay...hehe

Taking Maggie out to check out her first snow!