Wednesday, February 4, 2009

My heart is broken..again!!

Today has been HORRIBLE!!!

Warning..this will be a long post. I have to vent my butt off. Let's start with IVF. Well, we just realized that we may be able to switch doctors and get more coverage on our insurance. Even though when I call my insurance company they say my dr. is in network..the financial lady at my RE's office disagrees. So I am STILL waiting on the insurance comp. to call me back. I am super stressed about having to start all over at another doctor's office and I pray that maybe this is just a mistake and can be fixed. This morning I told myself to just put it in God's hands..and I did.

UNTIL!!!!

I called a very close friend and my heart broke. If you are this friend reading this..please know that I am in a situation where I deal with grief daily...heck even hourly and I am not mad at you..I am mad at my situation. This is my place to vent. She told me she was pg. Hasn't been trying but a month...and I think I swallowed my tongue when she told me. Of course, I was happy for her, but all of my feelings about IF were just brought completely out of the darkness and right into me. I was driving, so I went to a friend's house and cried. Here I am trying so much to get a baby...and just when I think I may be able to grab onto a hope...the stupid insurance thing happens and then I am reminded that I may NEVER be pg.

I am really trying to not let this effect me, but it is so hard. I just want to ball up and hide. I really need some prayers right now. I am going to put this in God's hands and know that I can't do anything to change this. He is my rock!

4 comments:

Stuart and Sarah Creamer said...

I understand ALL TO WELL, how you feel. My husband and I just finished our 2nd IVF. Both have resulted in BFN! This is the hardest thing in the world to go through. I know God has a plan for us!
On another topic...My hubby and I also have two yorkies! They are our babies for now!

Nichole said...

I am so sorry Dana - unexpected pg announcements are SO HARD!!! I really admire your ability to "put it in his hands" I struggle to do that all the time.

Much love and hugs!

shauna said...

Dana,
The Pg announcements are so hard...That hurt is always there in your mind, and I don't really think it'll ever go away. We're all there with you, so don't feel bad. There was a time when things started to go wrong with us, and I freaked out too. We have no insurance coverage for IVF, and one day it hit me...oh my gosh, can we even really afford to do this??? God has just worked everything out along the way. I know switching doctors right now is not a good thing, and I'll be praying that it'll all be okay. Just take a deep breath and remember that when things get hard something good is usually around the corner. :)
<3 Shauna

maebebabe said...

I understand your frustration. I too have just recently had to deal with my insurance company. They tell me one thing, and then I get totally different information when I speak to someone in that same office. It was very frustrating, something I felt I shouldnt have to deal with, because I had enough stress on me already. I also know that my friend just texted me today to let me know she just found out she is pregnant! I was shocked, and hugely saddened. I just finished my first cycle of injections and IUI, and am currently in my dreaded 2WW. I wish you the best.