Sunday, January 18, 2009

Roller coaster

Things have been crazy lately. And I mean crazy emotional. I keep seeing car tags with BFP on them...it is driving me nutso!!! Then...the day I was throwing a friend a lingerie shower...AF shows. So I was sooo tired and hurting and I had to be a friendly smiling host..it was tough. AF is a witch on day one for me. I was blessed to have Todd drive me home after the shower. It was about an hour and a half away from our house. So I curled up in a ball and tried to sleep. The shower was great, well except for AF showing up...how rude she didn't even RSVP..hehe

Then this morning at church the preacher talked about prayer. Which made me wonder if I have been praying enough. Especially about the whole IF thing. He later announced a couple was pg...they had recently dealt with cancer and didn't think they could conceive again, but they did. I lost it when he said for us to pray. I just looked at Todd...he was so cute with his eyes closed...and I cried. I cried because I was happy for this couple. I cried because I was sad for myself. And I cried because I worried that maybe I wasn't doing something right with God or else I would be pg by now. Then I worried about IVF. Todd and I made an appt. with the preacher to talk on Wed. I want him to put us on the prayer list and talk about IVF. Then I will feel more peace.

I called the IVF nurse on Saturday, but the office was closed. Hopefully she will call me on Monday to set up an appt. for the saline ultrasound. Tonight I plan to take a hot bath and enjoy the heck out of it. I know that it may just be my last for a while.

Oh yeah, I know I shouldn't get my hopes up....but oh well what the heck....I have come this far...why the heck not. I have been daydreaming of having multiples. I really don't want multiples b/c I want to enjoy every second with the baby. But it would be okay if it happened. I guess reading my "magazine" that my RE gave me has me seeing double :D I will keep ya updated on the progress :D

2 comments:

wannabemommy said...

I wish I could say I know exactly how you feel but I don't exactly, very close though. I'm new to the blogging thing but hopefully we are able to "keep each other going in cyberspace"

I Believe in Miracles said...

I love that you wrote that AF was rude because she didn't RSVP. Made me laugh.

I'm sorry about the roller coaster. Unfortunately, that's the way it is. BUT please know GOD IS IN CONTROL and there is nothing you could have done different up until now. He has ordained everything since the beginning. He knows your every thought and deepest prayers.

I do think prayer is so important. I'm praying for you sweetie.

~~HUGS~~