Friday, December 5, 2008

Fakin It!

Thanks so much to everyone that gave me advice on the trip vs. IVF. We are still trying to figure out what we are going to do. I have started trying to get myself back together. I am going to be in a wedding in January...so I am going back to the gym and busting my hump. I am very soar today, so I know I am doing something right. Plus it really helps me get my aggression out. So the plan is to look awesome for the wedding and reap some of the benefits of PCOS...metformin...and a diet from heck!!

I still feel like I am having an early mid-life crisis, but I am planning to just go with it and hope it passes soon. I hate feeling the urge to change who I am. I really want to love who I am. So I am working on that....which is easier said then done. I really do have so much to be thankful for and I am sure if I was on the other side of the grass...this patch of grass would look greener.

One recent thing I am struggling with has been trying to convince myself that I don't want to be a mother. The other day I was driving home and thought maybe I wouldn't be a good mom. Or maybe I wouldn't be able to handle it. Everyone keeps saying how EVERYTHING changes...and they make it sound like it is horrible. Of course, I know exactly why I am doing this. I am trying to protect myself from getting hurt. You know, oh well, I didn't want that anyway..so who cares kinda attitude. Except it is so fake. Sometimes I think that God thinks I shouldn't be a mom either. I know silly, but I do think it. Sometimes you can't help but try to figure out why.

So that is the latest with me...this wkend is my niece's b-day party...so that will be a bit of a challenge. We will be the only couple without kiddos. Then I am going to wrap myself up in helping my friend plan her wedding. I hope everyone has a wonderful wkend.

3 comments:

I Believe in Miracles said...

Want to hear something funny, my husband was telling me we needed to get through "one step at a time" and I told him that was the new name of my friends blog. Good one!!

Good luck this weekend.
~~HUGS~~

Michelle said...

I so know what you are saying when you say you wonder if God wants you to be a mom. I think it all the time so you are not alone.

Michelle said...

I so know what you are saying when you say you wonder if God wants you to be a mom. I think it all the time so you are not alone.