Thursday, November 20, 2008

Stupid AF shows

I wish I was able to write that I was pregnant and so surprised and happy. However, that is not the case. I should really be a fortune teller because I am usually right when it comes to whether or not AF will show. She always shows...why would I doubt that now?? I really just want to get away from everything right now. I want to pull the covers over me and just be. I don't want to pretend things are going to be okay. Because right now they are not. Why would I believe that my body was acting normal. It never does. I am so angry with myself. I am angry with this stupid body that doesn't work right. I don't want to be strong anymore...I just want to fall to pieces.

I hate this because I am not the kind of person that can put my feelings on others. I just hide them...very well. So I would just rather not be around anyone so I don't have to hide. And of course, the next few days are super busy. With 3 birthday parties, going to the movies with friends, going to welcome a new baby.........So I can't exactly disappear.

Lord, what is it I am suppose to learn. What am I suppose to change. Please give me some grace. I really can't take much more of these disappointments. Please heal my broken heart. Thank you for watching over me and thank you for never letting me go :D In Jesus name I pray Amen!!!


Jewels said...

OMGosh hun- I am so sorry, my heart just sunk when I read this.

I hope you can find time to be by your self so you can be your self, go kick, scream, cry, sleep, or what ever you need to take care of your self.
~zillion hugs~

shauna said...

Dana, I know that this sucks more than words can say. You always try to tell yourself that you aren't expecting this to be the time, yet you can't help but hope. (what would this struggle be without hope?) I am so sorry. Make sure you take your time to grieve. Don't let anyone push you into moving on until you're ready, and don't feel bad about being upset. It's only natural. I say a little prayer for you every time you come to mind.
Prov.13:12- Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.

Nichole said...

I am so sorry! I know you have some very busy days coming ahead, but do what you can to just take care of yourself...not anyone else!


Miss Mac said...

Having irregular cycles just stinks! Especially those of us who have such long cycles that it seems like a 'cruel joke.' But don't lose faith... Jeremiah 29:11. Best wishes to you!