Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Intuition admitted

It has been one of those days. Waiting for disappointment and hoping for a surprise. I feel like I know a bomb is about to go off...I just don't know when. I definitely know where though...right in my heart. I know y'all have seen the promos for J & K + 8. Aren't they the best. I love how Kate looks into Jon's eyes and you can tell they are thinking we made it through it all. Their struggle is a bit different from mine in that they ended up with 8 kiddos. It was SUPER tough for them and couples get divorced over much less, but they have stayed together and in love. I want to look into Todd's(DH) eyes and think we made it. We made it through IF!!

So today I am just waiting to see how much closer or farther away that day may be for me. I am soooo ready to get a happy ending to this all. I feel guilty even asking for one, because I have been so blessed in the love department. I have an awesome husband and he truly is my soul mate in every way. So maybe I shouldn't push my luck :D

This month is especially special (tongue twister) for me. Well, it is the month Todd and I were born in....the month of my parent's wedding anniversary, and the month I truly thought we would conceive in. It was just one of those intuition or maybe wishful thinking things. I guess that is why I am so crazed right now. CD 30 is today and soon I will know my fate. I have always been right when it comes to my intuition, so I just don't want to lose that too. You lose so much with IF...and of course gain many things strength and some pretty awesome sisters (YOU)!!! Look at me it is so hard for me to just say something bad without saying some nice. My stupid head has always done that to me, I try so hard to be thankful for what I do have. I know it doesn't exactly sound like I do. And of course this would be the month to be thankful in.

Which reminds me....thanksgiving was always that date I would tell myself...Dana you will so be pg by thanksgiving. But so far not such luck. I have since then stopped picking dates because I know how disappointing it is when they come and you know. Well, so that is why I am so scared of this month. I didn't mean to pick it, but I did. Bad habits die hard. So here's to the next crazy days of wondering and being scared. Here's to hoping that I haven't lost my intuition along with my fertility!!! Here's to love and happily ever after...whatever that may entail :D


Jewels said...

I just found your blog from SQSPJ and wanted to send some positive vibes - I know you've been through a lot and dont know if today is a good day for positive thoughts or not, but I'm having them for you.

I love what I have read so far on your blog - you speak what is in your heart very well - I relate and I'm touched.

I love Facials too - a bit of an addict to them actually - I'd take one over a full body massage any day.

Michelle said...

Well, Happy Birthdays and Anniversaries to all of you. I hope all of your dreams come true! I truly do. It's ok for you to hope for the happy ending and also be thankful at the same time to. I try to count my blessings every night. I do that instead of counting sheep.

Jill said...

I Really hope this is your month! I'll be thinking of you!

Jill said...

I Really hope this is your month! I'll be thinking of you!