Sunday, September 14, 2008

Take One Step At A Time!!!

"take one step at a time...no need to rush....it's like learning to fly or falling in love...it's gonna happen when it's suppose to happen baby...." I am in love with that song by Jord.an Sp.arks. It just says exactly what I need to hear. It makes me put things into perspective. I mean I was patient when I was looking for my Mr. Right. So I should be patient now, right? Okay so maybe I wasn't so patient when I was looking for Mr. Right. I am sure there is a trend here...I am still too stubborn to change. My aunt would always tell me something when I would say...I just can't wait til....she would say...YES YOU CAN!! She almost stopped me from saying that phrase. I said almost.

DH and I just went out for some treats from Mickey D's. It was nice to get out just for the heck of it. We sat in the car and ate our treats and chatted. We talked mostly about God. And how sometimes we go through hard times and the reason behind the hard times are to draw us closer to God. I think about how much I yearn for a child and I can't imagine how much God yearns for us to be closer to Him. At the beginning of this IF journey I was a wreck. I mean a WRECK!!! Now I have learned to go to God...ALL THE TIME. I am NOT perfect at it by any means, but I try to remind myself to find comfort in Him. Of course, there are times when I want to eat something yummy or go shopping...but I try nonetheless.

God has really been my only solice during this time. When I need uplifting He uplifts me...when I need to grow stronger...he helps me grow stronger. Knowing that HE has a plan for us...makes this struggle well worth it. It still sucks..though. I will never say that it doesn't. This is definitely not the journey I had chosen for myself. For some reason...beyond my knowledge..God has chosen this path for me. I pray soon that I will know why...and what it is that I am suppose to learn. I think part of it...is to trust in Him. So I am getting there...slowly.

Still have my heart aching....still thought tonight "what if this doesn't happen", still yearn to be a mom, still hoping that this is my month, still dreading IUI #2 and the possibility of IVF, still holding onto God for help!!!!

1 comment:

Michelle said...

I just found your blog and I am a fellow PCOSer that wanted to say Hi! I too have all the same fears and questions and hope soon we can find the answers. Hang in there. Sending hugs!