Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Sad Day

I am ashamed to say this, but I was angry at God last night. All I can say is that I knew He could fix this and for some reason He wasn't. So I was in pain and it showed through anger...then lots of tears. DH just rubbed my head and let me cry it out. Throughout this entire journey I swore to myself that I wouldn't get angry with God. I guess nothing is off limits in this process. Each time that AF shows or I get a BFN I try to and have a chin up kinda attitude. But this time I didn't have the strength. Today so far has been pretty rough. I am on the sad train and don't see a stop ahead. I am learning that I cannot do this alone...that I need God to get me through this or I won't make it. I need His comfort and security.

AF showed last night.....so I called the nurse and now I am waiting to see what the next move is. I totally ate poptarts for breakfast and just feel like I am in a downward spiral. It is hard to say that....I am embarrassed to be so full of self-pity right now. I am only giving myself one day to grieve...then I want to move on and chin up.

Dear Lord, Please forgive me for my anger towards you. Please know it comes from my pain right now and I am so sorry. I trust your path, I am just having trouble adjusting to it. I need you so much right now. Please stay with me and help me find comfort and some peace about this not working. Help me to get up from this sadness and have the strength to move on. Thank you for never giving up on me. I love you dearly. In Jesus name I pray...Amen


I Believe in Miracles said...

I think if you can't get mad or frustrated, you wouldn't be human. That's why we're weak and not God. I have that same - chin-up attitude. It's so hard to go cycle, by cycle, by cycle, wishing, hoping, praying and seeing others succeed when you do not.

I'm hoping the next cycle is your cycle.


allyouwhohope said...

Thanks for your nice comments. I hope you're starting to feel a little better tonight. You're in my prayers.

Leslie Laine said...

Just let yourself be angry for a little while - it's so hard grieving cycle after cycle after cycle. You'll push through, and God will give you the strength to start over again. Thinking of you..