Wednesday, September 24, 2008

bummed

Af showed yesterday....I am still in shock because it was only cd 22. I guess I need to realize that this process is going to always keep me on my toes. Just when I thought I was getting "it" together.

We gave our cat to a friend yesterday as well. We have had him since he was a kitten. There are several reasons we needed to find him a new home. However, it was so hard. I just couldn't stop crying. I just worry about him and hope he is happy. I know he will be happier with this new family. He will be able to roam free throughout the house and be himself. I keep telling myself that it was our job to get him to this point. He was in an animal shelter when I got him..so he might not have found a home at all. I pray he is happy.

Today I had my first day as a substitute teacher. It has been almost 2 years since I have been in the classroom. And man...they kicked my hiney!!! They wouldn't listen...and some of them were a bit rude. I am sure that my emotional state isn't the best right now...so dealing with a bunch of 5th graders wasn't my idea of fun. Also, DH was off while I was at work and now he is at work while I am off. He also works 14 hrs tomorrow...so I won't see him much til Friday evening. That bums me out...He is my rock.

So there it all is in a nutshell....I am reminded of being barren...then I feel like a horrible person for giving my cat to someone else...then a bunch of kids won't even listen to me. I feel pretty insignificant right now. Hormones suck!!!!

I go for my baseline ultrasound tomorrow...then hopefully onto IUI #2....unless the RE says we need to wait another month. The sad thing is that I have found myself trying to talk myself out of wanting kids. I know it is sooo stupid. Yesterday I thought well....atleast I can sleep in...or do whatever I want...whenever...kinda. Yeah..I know...I wasn't that convincing. It just made me want it more, but at the same time I want to distance myself from it because it hurts so much. I don't want to feel the pain anymore. I just want to discard this part of me and not have to deal with it. These times truely are testing my strength.

3 comments:

I Believe in Miracles said...

That sounds rough!! Kids rarely listen to subs, so don't take it personally. Chin up. Show them who's boss.
I'm so sorry. I hope the rest of the week goes better. Only 2 more days, right??
**BIG HUG**

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry! I do that too...try to talk myself out of it...sadly it doesn't work. ((HUGS))

Nichole said...

Big hugs to you. I am so sorry things are so tough right now. I know how hard it is to give away a pet...that really stinks.

Hope the rest of your week goes better!