Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Running Thoughts

I was beginning to ponder my journey so far. Ya know the why's and such. I guess I was inspired by my fellow sisters in the blog world. If you don't know I have PCOS...which is polycystic ovarian syndrome. My hormones are wacky and instead of ovulating I grow some nice cysts. I didn't find this out until after a year of TTC and a LAP. And no the LAP didn't tell me about PCOS. My RE discovered it with a mere ultrasound. That still has me wondering what my OB was doing.....didn't he even notice those 15 cysts on each ovary?? I mean come on...15!!!

After my dx I realized that I had to go through this to find out about my PCOS. Ya see my bloodwork was normal, so it wouldn't have been detected any other way. And if you have PCOS and continue to eat badly and not treat it...not only do you deal with IF, but later on you could have diabetes and heart problems...and such. So it was a wake up call to start living right. Granted it is still a work in progress.

Also, recently I have realized that not only my dx of PCOS was God's plan......but also me getting closer to Him. As y'all know IF is a SEVERE emotional roller coaster that sometimes pushes you away from God. And I had my moments of that too. But as of right now I am closer to God. Kinda like I was when I was a child. You know that feeling when you were a child with childlike faith. Where you talked to God all day like he was a friend hanging with ya. There is a peace that comes with that. And peace is awesome. Even if it is in short bursts.

Well, now since I know (or at least I think I do) the why's....shouldn't I be pg?? Well that is the question, huh. I am done with everything....right?? I took all my "classes" took all my "tests" where is my diploma???? As much as I want to think I am entitled to something...I know I am not. Lucky for me I serve a God that will bless me because He loves me so dearly. But I don't want him to think that I think I deserve it. I hope I don't. I just pray that He thinks I do. That sounds better.

I have heard so many different things on what to pray for with IF.

  • Pray for His will to be done (i.e. adoption)
  • Pray to change His mind
  • Pray for a baby...simple
  • Pray for healing
  • Pray for a baby...this cycle....if.....that is His will

I am not sure what to pray for. I mean do I have to say it just right for Him to answer it. I don't think I have to. He knows my innermost intentions, so he knows that it comes from my heart. As you can tell by my blogging skills I am not talented in the words department. I have ranted enough and changed the topic a bunch...I will end on that.

8 More Days til 14 Days Post IUI.....I may test on 13 Days Post IUI....so 7 more days....YIKES!!!


I Believe in Miracles said...

I love this post. I so need to do that prayer list too. I hear you on faith and this whole process getting closer to God. It's been a true journey for me.

I really like this frequent posting, friend. Awesome.


My Infertility Diaries said...

I know now I am a blog-aholic. I guess that is how I pass the time :D

Jill said...

I've been wondering exactly what to pray for, too. I pray to know what His will is, and I THINK what He's telling me. It's not what I want to hear, and it's DEFINITELY not what the Hubs wants to hear- so now I'm praying that I misinterperated. Good luck!

allyouwhohope said...

It took drs nearly four years to diagnose me with PCOS! Oh well, there's nothing we can about that now other than have resentment, and what good does that do?

God does know your heart and He knows what is best for you. Just continue accepting His invitation to draw closer to Him and you will be blessed!