Sunday, August 24, 2008

a little about me

I am feeling much better today...a bit down and slow. But I think that is because of the weather here. It is stormy and cloudy. Not to mention the humidity. It is horrible. Like a big old dragon breathing on your neck. I talked DH into going out tonight to eat. I promised that I would cook all this week. And I intend to find some yummy/healthy recipes. I already have one for chicken fingers thanks to a fellow blogger (thank you all who hope). Some other things on my list are roast with squash and green beans. And I am trying to figure out how to make my cornbread dressing healthy. Well for me and my PCOS self. If anyone has any ideas on where to find cornbread that is wheat...if that even exists...please let me know.

Today I hung out with my sissy and nieces. Yesterday was a horrible day in the house....I was bored and felt like POO!! So I decided this morning I would get out for the day. I think it did me a lot of good. Plus getting hugs and kisses from the cutest little girls in the world didn't hurt either. They are soooo sweet. On my way home I was thinking about...of course...a baby. A baby of my very own. My own child. I just get goosebumps when I think about it. I know God will bless us with a child in His way, so I just get so excited about it. I just wish I knew when. Then I could plan so much. If it was going to be a while I would go in full gear to lose weight. I have already lost 18 lbs. I want to lose 10 more. Then I will be back to my size before the baby making adventures started. I guess I ate to console myself..and then there is that whole oh no I can't start exercising....just in case I am pg. That went on forever. So now I just take it easy after O. Then if AF shows or I get a BFN...then I just go and work out like crazy.

I miss working out. I feel like just getting on the elliptical and going for hours. But let's be honest it would really be only minutes. It is amazing how great you feel after exercising. It has been the one thing that has helped me not completely lose it after a BFN. I have struggle with depression my whole life and when we started TTC it go worse. I had just finished grad school and DH and I decided to start a family. So I would be a stay at home mommy and he would work. It seemed like it would happen so quickly, that I never thought I would have trouble. Plus my sister is like fertile myrtle. So I was hoping I was like her. I think that when I came off of my anti-depressant....I did it too quickly. My body was in shock and I felt like a train had hit me. I mean everything hurt...I had headaches daily....and I just felt like crap. I NEVER want to feel like that again. So luckily I am on an anti-depressant that is safe for when I get pg. And it is helping me.

I really had to change my way of thinking to get better. It was TOUGH. And the only way I know I did it was with God's help. I mean if you can imagine depression at its worst...that was me. And now I am totally the opposite. When I get down I turn to God for support. And I just have a different attitude in general. It is hard to explain...God works in mysterious ways. I am not sure why I needed to share that. I guess I just realized how far I have come since then.

Another week til I can test....PRAY for me!! God bless you all!!!


allyouwhohope said...

That's so awesome that you were able to change your thinking with God's help. I also have dealt with depression - before and after all this infertility stuff started. I also took myself off of a med too quickly, and it actually caused me to feel as if I was getting electrically shocked. It was scary! I learned never to do that again. Like you, though, I also now turn to God when I'm down. I always say that God is the best psychiatrist!

Let me know if you want more recipes, I have a whole file that I email people! I'm big on taking good foods that I like and turning them into low GI recipes. I don't think we should have to go without completely, so I just make some alterations. I'll have to look into the cornbread thing, but since corn isn't low GI, it might be tough.. but hopefully not impossible!

Jill said...

I'll keep you in my prayers. I wish I could get as excited about working out as you! Maybe if I had an elliptical I would be all about it... but I don't :(

I Believe in Miracles said...

I totally wished you lived in Boston so we could get together and go walking. As long as you keep your heart rate low... and it still feels good afterward. Then we could walk off the weight and breathe.

Thanks for sharing about the depression. I can only imagine how hard it was for you. I'm so thankful to hear how God continues to strength and life you up. And I'm encouraged to hear you leaning on him. Super!

I'll be praying for you, chica!