Thursday, August 7, 2008

First Shot


There it is....a glimpse into infertility. I didn't open everything for fear that I would not figure out which box it went in and then of course I might give myself the wrong meds. I am handling these meds as if they are carrying my unborn child in them. They have their own shelf in the fridge. So DH and I were kinda busy today. He worked out in the yard while I cleaned the house up on the inside. Then we went off to buy more stuff for the yard. That took ALL day. After we finally got home...it was time for my first shot. I was totally scared and I felt a bit wooosssyyy!!

I carefully, with shaky hands, put in my medicine into the pen. The pen is this thing you put your medicine in and attach the needle to the end....dial up your dose...and shoot...literally. Then DH and I went over the directions one more time. I went into the sunroom to lay down. I was hoping to cover my face or something, but that is kinda hard when you are being injected in the stomach. There was definitely no shortage of fat...so we were good there. I pinched, he stuck, it hurt, and it was over. I can't imagine giving myself that shot. I thought I was gonna fall over afterwords. It is just the thought of oh I just got a shot. You suddenly feel like you can feel the medicine coursing through your veins like some psychedelic medicine that will make you feel crazy. I know I tend to over analyze everything....even this. So now I am an ole pro. YEAH....RIGHT!!

The only thing I can think about now is how I always thought (in the beginning stages of ttc) that if some dr. would just give me some "drugs"(aka fertility drugs...not the other drugs)...then I would just get knocked up. I was soooooooooo sure of it. Just pop a pill and I would be good and fat. Well, now I am not so sure. I know I am suppose to have hope. I have hope in God's plan. I just don't know if this working is in God's plan. It seems like finally getting here has made me a bit jaded. I am not sure how NOT to worry about this. It seems harder now to give this to God. I want to beg him relentlessly like a child begs for candy. PLEASE GOD, please let this work....PLLLLLEEEEEAAASSSEEEE!!! I will be so good for the rest of my life I promise. I have so been there done that.

I guess now is the best time I should list what I have to be thankful for...inspired by: Maybe its just me

I am thankful for:
  • My husband, he is truly my love and my best friend
  • My husband again, he loves me when I am fat, crazy, moody, sweet, or gassy :D
  • Being able to be a stay at home wife....it is awesome
  • my fur baby, my cat, Bailey
  • For being blessed by being an Aunt
  • Having the BEST family and friends EVER
  • Having the BEST neighbor/friend EVER
  • Having this blog
  • Which gives me a chance to support and meet my infertility sisters
  • Last but not least, I am thankful for God....he loves me more than I know

What are you thankful for???

2 comments:

Heather said...

Today, I am thankful for infertility. I've been thinking a lot about my journey lately. I think I am going to post on it today.

I Believe in Miracles said...

Great post!

Many of the things on your list would be the same for me - hubby, God, blogging. :o)

Hoping the injections are working!!