Saturday, August 2, 2008

Blessed Be HIS Name!!!

Even though I got a BFN this morning I will still praise His name. Yep, I got a BFN. It was so ugly. It is odd though, because I am not crying...yet. I am of course trying to analyze the heck out of why I am not sad yet. I am bummed..just not in the bed bawling. So here are some reasons I could not be so upset:

  • AF hasn't shown yet, so I am not out completely

  • It hasn't hit me yet

  • I have IUI with injectibles scheduled for next month

  • I know that God has that perfect child for me

  • I get to lose more weight this month

Part of me thinks I am just getting used to this. No, I don't think anyone can get used to this heartache. I know...I finally got my hope back and it is working to make me trust in God. I definately know that having all of my sisters :D of infertility out there always supporting me has helped tremendously.

I do have a worry though.....DH and I were invited to our little cousin's birthday party tonight. We are the ONLY parentless ppl there. I am scared that as soon as I arrive I will get crushed when I see all of those cute kiddos. Plus, EVERYONE in our family knows about our IF so I am sure I will get asked or at least asked in code; "So how are things going?" Will that make me lose it?? Should we go???

Okay now, if in a day or two, or a few hours from now....I post again and am hopeless and depressed...I am warning you in advance.

Another pic by me...I love sharing my photography :D


Nichole said...

Sweetie...I am so sorry and also so inspired by you at the same time. You have a strength that very few have. God has definately used infertility to test my faith and to give me the opportunity to show him how much I believe. Allow yourself the time to grieve and remember that He knows your trouble...he knows your pain. And we will be rewarded Double for all of the Trouble! *hugs*

Heather said...

Every cycle I handled things differently. Some times I would have been able to go to the party, and some times I would not have handled it well. Wait and see how you feel closer to the time to go to decide.

And since AF isn't here - I'm still holding out Hope.

Anonymous said...

You have such a great attitude, that is what will keep you sane during this trying time in life. Praying God blesses you with a child sooner than later.

allyouwhohope said...

Sorry to hear the news, but glad to hear you're handling it well. If you do end up having a hard time with it, just don't be too hard on yourself. I think I make that mistake a lot - I get upset that I am upset, which only makes it worse. Let yourself be sad, but hopefully you will just have peace with it this month! You have a wonderful, inspirational attitude and God is definitely blessing you!

I Believe in Miracles said...

I have tears in my eyes. This post is awesome. I am so sorry about the BFN, but I'm so encouraged by your list. God does have a perfect plan for you. Unfortunately, he's pretty slow in letting you (us) know. But He is in control. I'm sending you LOTS OF HUGS and PRAYING really hard.
PS - you're an awesome photographer!