Thursday, July 24, 2008

What would YOU do???

I am not believing what just happened to me this past weekend. I felt like I was actually watching a movie or atleast was in one. Let me give some background first. One of my friends and I have both been ttc. Well I haven't talked to her in a while. The last time I talked to her we were gabbing about how we couldn't figure out why we couldn't get knocked up. Neways...I go into the local eatery in town and low and behold I am starring at her growing belly and gasping for air.

There she was 20 weeks....yes 20 flippin weeks preggers and I am clueless. I think shock was read all over my face, but I put a huge smile over my pain. I feel bad for saying that it hurt me. I mean I sat down to eat and started bawling...is that how you spell it...just sound it out. I couldn't believe that she hadn't called and told me....then it occured to me that she may have been hiding it...and that hurt even worse. I now know that things weren't looking so good in the early stages of pg and so they were not sure if they were going to miscarry or not. I understand that...BUT I NEVER want to be surprised like that EVER again.

The rest of the day I was so bummed. I couldn't really explain specifically why I was bummed,,,,I didn't feel like I was upset because I was not pg yet...I understood why she hadn't told me...I was just sad. I curled up in my bed with my ipod set to repeat the country song HOME and cried and slept.

So now.....my pg friend is on bedrest and wants me to come over and sit with her. I just don't know if I can. I don't want to be rude, but I just know it will get me bummed again. What should I do???? Am I horrible for being upset??? I am happy for them...just sad for us!

9 comments:

SAHW said...

Hi and welcome to the blogosphere! Found you through Lost and Found.
I would HATE to receive a shock like that...and I know what you mean, you're happy for you, you understand why she didn't tell you...but still...
For me, what I hate worst is feeling that others might be trying to hide it from me - as in, specifically me (I understand why people choose to wait to tell, that's different), to try to spare my feelings...again, good intentions, but it just makes me feel worse...
I hope your turn will be coming soon! :)

familyoftwo98 said...

Welcome to the blogsphere. I too have PCOS, and have seen far to many belly's come and go.

I have no real advice because I find once I get over the shock that I don't mind living vicariously through someone else. I never seem to get much further than the BFP before the pregnancy is over for me.

What ever you decide to do has to make YOU happy! Remember that!

r_is_moody said...

I just wanted to pop in and say welcome. And also congrats on Ovulating!!!!

I too have PCOS and have been on this rollercoaster for over 3 years. It is so hard when friends get pg and leave us behind.

You need to do whatever feels right for you and if that means not visiting her then that is ok.

Heather said...

I'm sure it was hard for her to tell you, so she just didn't. That isn't right, it should have come from her and not from you seeing her at 20 weeks. I would have cried and been VERY hurt by someone I considered a friend if they didn't tell me.

I also found you on the Lost and Found - I have PCOS and tried for 2.5 years before getting pregnant. We did 5 IUIs and are currently 27 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy started as twins but we lost one very early on. I tell you all that so you know before you click on my blog - in case you decided to.

Infertility is such a hard rollercoaster. Thinking of you.

I Believe in Miracles said...

Welcome to the blogging world. Found you on L&F too.

I cannot imagine that shock... but I can emphathize a small amount. I was running with this girl for awhile and we were talking about ttc. She wasn't at the time. We'd just started. Then she got pregnant. They didn't really tell anyone --- so that wasn't the same. But I definately felt pain every time I saw here. I know my journey's been longer. I've never been as acutely aware of my jealousy as whenever I saw her. She just had her baby this month.

I hope you find peace with your decision - whether to visit your friend or not. I would hope she had your best interest at heart, but it's odd that she thought you weren't going to find out.

Congrats on ovulating!!

Jill said...

Hi from Lost and Found! I completely understand the situation you are in, and have been in a similar one before. IT's so hard when you know that people don't want to hurt your feelings, and so they keep their pregnancy from you. I'm not sure which is worse- hearing about it (and hearing about it and hearing about it) or being surprised like you were. Neither are great. I'm a PCOSer, too, so I feel your pain!

rescogitatae said...

Hi there and welcome to Blogland! I came over from Lost & Found- I'm a fellow PCOSer who also just ovulated for the first time since going off bcps (July 07). I understand your excitement at finally getting that eggie out there!

The news about your friend must have been such a shock. I can imagine that she didn't know how to tell you, but even so- to just come across a big pregnant belly like that would be so hard.

If she is on bedrest, it sounds like she could really use the support. But... you need to look afer yourself as well.

Good luck!
Turia

The Angry Infertile said...

I got a shock like that from my SIL. She was 12 weeks pg when she told me. I was floored.

Welcome to blogging!

www.angryinfertile.blogspot.com

kirke said...

I found you through Lost and Found...Since I have been trying to conceive almost all of my friends have gotten pregnant. I hate when I'm the last to know, it feels so much like pity. I would rather they rub it in my face than pity me. I also hate when they say, "You're next!" Um...probably not, but thanks for the sentiment.