Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Sometimes I should just NOT search the net for answers!!!

My hubby and were talking about PCOS. Lately I have been off the diet...but not overboard. Well atleast I don't think I am. My dh said that what if this effects getting pg next month if it doesn't happen this month. Of course, I had no answer. I am sure it will have some effect. I am more so concerned with having PCOS and being PG. I know that having PCOS messes with your hormones and yadda yadda yadda. Which is important because if you are pg...your hormones are an important part of keeping the baby and helping the baby be healthy. My sister miscarried and had to take progesterone with my niece. So now I feel HORRIBLE. Here I am praying and hoping that this is the month I get to become a mom and I am off eating crap and probably making things worse.

I just got so sick of what I was eating and lost it. I am not very strong when it comes to eating. I want something good and fast and that usually entails junk. So far my biggest splurges have been just once a day. I know that is once too many. I feel like I am already a bad mother....what is wrong with me. How could I be so stupid. I have to do better. I somehow told myself that a biscuit for breakfast would be okay. It is ironic that my problem is PCOS. My food habits are the hardest thing to change. I am going to work on it though and try not to beat myself up too much about it. I checked online to see if I could quickly find anything about pcos. Ya know if slipping up a few times would do anything to the baby. Of course all I found was what usually comes with PCOS and PG...miscarriage, hypertension, etc. PCOS SUCKS!!!!!

I know God knows what he is doing and that this cross is here for a reason. I just have to keep telling myself that. I am scared though, of ya know, when or if I get a BFN on saturday. I worry each time if that will be the time to push me over the limit. I pray that it won't be and that I can be strong. Only y'all understand this heartache.


SAHW said...

It's heartache's hard. I also yo-yo back and forth, b/c I tend to over-eat and indulge in comfort foods when I'm stressed or depressed...hence the extra 25-30 lbs. I have gained in the last two years - it's mostly due to IF stress and emotions. I also look back and think, did I screw myself over all these months by over-eating and carrying around too much weight? Ie, could my weight be what is causing the problem for us?
I've learned that it's best not to look backward, b/c you can always obsess about the what ifs - instead, make the intention with yourself to make a change, and then just do it - think of whatever small step you can take, and then just start!
For me, just tracking what I'm eating is a step forward, and it's something I can it makes me feel like I'm making progress.
I'm kinda rambling...just know we know where you are now :)

Heather said...

I find it hard to believe that one biscuit is going to make or break your chance of being pregnant this cycle.

I eat "bad" stuff too. And so far this pregnancy is going well and I really thought I would get gestational diabetes because of the PCOS but I haven't.

And being on the metformin helps when you do eat something "bad" so that at least your body can process it normally.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Stressing over this is just as bad. Do your best and take it one day at a time. Give yourself some time to adjust - you can't change it all in one day.

allyouwhohope said...

I know how hard it can be on a PCOS diet! I'm on the same diet, and I know what you mean about wanting something without splenda. I don't think I even remember what real sugar tastes like! For the most part though, I have found great food to eat so that I don't feel like I am missing out on anything (and before the diet I hated fruits and vegetables, so if I can do it anyone can!)

Let me know if you ever want any advice/encouragement/support or whatever. If you want to email me, my email is on my blog. I have tons of recipes I can send you too! And you're in my prayers for testing this weekend.

I Believe in Miracles said...

Eating right is just hard. There is some sort of weird statistic that almost every woman has an eating disorder. Seriously, what is wrong with us? When I was 5 I used food as a mechanism to get attention (5!?!?) and ended up dehydrated with 2 separate IV drips to my head. After that, I couldn't not eat. Eventually I became bulimic. Finally went to counseling, but every day is hard: resisting yummy food that's bad for you. My friend once described it: "An alcoholic can choose not to touch alcohol, but someone with an eating disorder (using term loosely) has to face food every day."

By all means, I'm not saying you have an eating disorder, but I am saying I understand the struggle to want to eat stuff that isn't so good for you. Sometimes I could be on strict diets and would refuse to break them, other times I totally feel the need to splurge (everything in moderation theory). It's hard.

BUT please don't beat yourself up about it. You are under enough stress already to beat yourself up about your food this last month. You cannot change last month - it's water under the bridge. The only thing you can control is going forward.

You could try sparkpeople. The biggest thing I do is put the food I'm eating into the chart and it tells me how many calories I'm eating. It has seriously been scary to write down everything I eat. But in the scary, eye opening and helping me change. In order to have good food fast -- requires planning. You don't necessarily need to eat junk. I promise. :o)

I'll be praying for you through Saturday. ***HUGS***

Nichole said...

Hi there. This is my first time reading your blog and it seems we have a lot in common. I also have PCOS and I also struggle keeping the diet. It was actually very comforting to know that someone else out there feels the same way I do. I HATE the PCOS diet, but feel guilty when I don't follow it. I think it is everything in moderation, at least that is what my dr. tells me. I don't think splurging once a day is going to destroy your hormones. We just have to do the best we can with the cross we have been given to bear. I am here if you need anything and just know that there are a lot of us PCOS'ers out there hating it right along with you!

Good luck on Saturday!